Years ago, when my first book came out, I eagerly some reviews and instantly realized my error. When I was a teenager and worrying a lot about what people were thinking of me, I remember my mother assuring me that they were as concerned with what I was up to, as I was with them. “They have their own problems Stephie” she told me. “How much time are you spending thinking about their faults?” The truth was, not very much at all. In fact – most days… none. This rather comforting belief system worked well for quite some time – right up until I read those reviews, in fact.
Here suddenly was proof that people were thinking about me – or rather my writing, and I realized right away what peril lies there for writers – that if you’re the sort of person who cares a lot what other people are thinking, the truth is that there’s nothing you can write that 100% of people are going to like. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like it, doesn’t think you’re funny, thinks jokes about alpaca are inappropriate and that you’re a bigoted alpaca hater. (It is true that I don’t like alpaca sweaters but I don’t want to talk about it.) When I started reading what people thought about my writing, I realized that this had the power to dilute my ability to write pretty quickly. I caught myself editing to try and “fix” what was wrong to please those people, and if you do that then pretty soon you’ve got a list a mile long of things you can’t write about or can’t write about in that way and eventually (like in an hour) you can’t write at all. I have learned that reviews are not my friend, that they close my mind to writing possibilities, and that in order to not care what people are thinking, I need to not know what they are thinking, at least about my writing. I have continued to struggle with wondering/ knowing what people think or feel or say about me or my behaviour, and this has never been truer than in the last several years when it has seemed that much of the time, I simply cannot put a foot right.
Now, I know that right now there’s lots of you thinking “Holy crap Steph, who cares what other people think, feel or say about you? Be yourself and don’t worry about it” and to this I say – Bullshit. That there is one of the biggest lies ever presented to me in my life. Of course you have to care what other people think, say and feel. It’s one of the roots of empathy, for crying out loud and I can’t think of anyone who just goes stomping around doing completely as they please without the slightest thought for how it might hurt someone else or damage a team they’re part of or… well actually I can think of one person I know who truly doesn’t care what other people think but they are broadly thought of as a jerk who’s damaged others far and wide.
I know that the last several years have been challenging for most of us – and I am not going to posit that our family has had the hardest time of all, I am certain that it is not accurate. I am going to say though that for a recent talk I gave I did some research on trauma. It’s a word we’ve been throwing around during the pandemic and some of that is worth repeating here,
Trauma is a word we heard a lot about during the pandemic, and most of us have some ideas about what it means-about what constitutes trauma, about how people get traumatized, about who has trauma and what it takes to get it, and the world is full of people who think that perhaps something really terrible like bombs falling on your house or being the victim of a shocking crime are are the only things that are “bad enough” to cause trauma. That’s not what it is, that’s not how it works, and that’s not how it is decided who has it. Trauma is a persons emotional response to terrible experiences, and is the result of events – any events, being more than their nervous system can process at once.
Since trauma is related to our individual experiences, circumstances and abilities, we can’t say who will experience trauma and who will not. Two knitters in the exact circumstances (with the same amount of yarn) will have very different responses. Also – the pandemic was very different for each of us. Some of us kept our jobs and were at least financially secure during the pandemic, and some of us lost our jobs and were financial endangered or threatened. – some of us lived with people we loved during the pandemic and had the comfort of being with them, and some of us lived alone, and felt isolation even more keenly. Some of us have been isolated with people who are sweet and support us, some of us were forced to shelter in place with people who were unkind or abusive and some of us (you darling hearts) were quarantined with teenagers. Some of us had access to zoom and the internet and some of us had crap internet and no devices and three kids trying to do “virtual school” from one ipad and a basement bedroom apartment. Some of us were low-risk and experienced more freedom. Some of us were high risk and even now have to weigh every decision. Some of us went to work every day, some are still waiting for work to be the same. Nobody can say where the line of trauma exists for each person or family. Most people who are traumatized will heal. We humans are resilient beasts, and we have myriad skills and experiences to help us get back on track, and time is all most people need. (Note: this is not true of PTSD – the nervous system is stuck in that case, and it needs help to heal.)
This means that nobody can decide for another person or family what they “should” do about trauma or how to cope while it heals. We now enter the part of this post I’ve taken in and out a thousand times. I have settled on damning the torpedos, it’s not usually my style but I feel like this moment calls for an uncharacteristically direct approach.
Over the last while, I have received a very great deal of advice. Most of this has been unsolicited and uniformed- especially as it pertains to family matters. I shouldn’t grieve too long, that my grief is inappropriate, that I have too much grief, that I am too careful about the family getting sick, that I should get over the fear. That I shouldn’t wear masks, or I should wear a mask even outside. I should seek help. I shouldn’t worry. That I shouldn’t be vaccinated or that I should rely on my vaccines and see that the pandemic is over and put my life back. I should keep being afraid, it is not over at all. That I should go on holiday or that I should go back to work, that I work too much, that actually I do the wrong kind of work. I should post to the blog, I should post more to instagram. I should stop posting to instagram. I should post instagram posts here for people who don’t use instagram. I shouldn’t do Patreon. I should do Patreon. I should knit more.I should knit less. I should knit yarn everyone can afford, I shouldn’t be elitist. I should buy different yarn, your friends yarn. I should actually spin. I should show you my knitting on the platform of your choosing at the time of your choosing. I should explain myself. I should do it now. I should be fun, like I used to be… and most recently, I should close the blog if can’t do those things. I should update you. I should say goodbye. I should take all the time I need, but it shouldn’t be too much. I should try harder.
Now – again – I am not going to pretend that me or our family is the most traumatized family in the world, or that the things that happened to us are the worst, or that we deserve the most latitude. For the sake of anyone else who has been traumatized or is supporting traumatized people in their family – I am going to say that the “shoulds” read completely like pressure and judgment, even if they are offered as help or in the spirit of support, and as someone who has always struggled with what people think, feel and say about me, this situation – a period of extreme challenge coupled with lots of feedback about what I “should” be doing – attempting to get any of these “shoulds” right has been paralyzing. While I know that you would all like to know what I did on Wednesday, it has been far better for me to just do Wednesday without knowing how I should have done Wednesday. I am fine, but being fine is complicated and takes time and we – collectively, as a family are on it, but it is our focus. Being okay is our focus. Getting the proper shit of life done in a way that makes it possible for all of us to be happy takes extra time and I love all of you, and I am still more than happy to share my life and knitting with you, but know this now, my little poppets. I have no idea what it will look like. Maybe it’s instagram for a while, maybe next week I’ll blog every day. I don’t know, and I’m not promising or pretending I do. I’m not going to even say that I am going to try, because down that path lies failure and disappointment in myself and there is nobody who can do the work of healing with that kind of crap raining down all around. I know, I’ve given it a shot.
A few weeks ago I saw some dumb meme on … I don’t know. Somewhere, and it went like this: “Hey, what do you do for a living?” and then this woman turned while juggling kids, coffee, a hot mess – and said “MY BEST BOB. I DO MY BEST.”
That is me right now. I am doing my best, and I know we’ve been together for a long time, and I hear you say you miss me, and I know what you think I “should” do, and I have read the comments that say that I should just say goodbye and close the blog “properly” but that is not what it is going to happen. (Although there is another “should”) I have always said that the blog is my online living room. It still is, and if you’re feeling bad about there not being much to see here, you should know that there’s not been anyone from outside the family in my actual living room in almost three years either, and there’s lots of people who have “should” feelings about that too.
Now, off I go – and I’ll be back when I am able, when I feel I can, and when have a gap in the list of musts that come before shoulds. I must make dinner. I must knit for a while. I must work on the Patreon. I must wrap the ornaments Elliot made for the rest of the family. I must help Joe with the tasks he can’t do with one arm. I must listen for the phone because a new baby will be born in our family at any moment. I must do something about the fridge.
I will see you in this space soon. If you miss me, look for me, I’m around. (Instagram, Patreon)
Your blog, your life, your call. You still have plenty of fans regardless!
love you, carry on
^^This!
Totally adore you. Keep on, and you are loved.
Ditto and
Well, for what’s worth I think you’re lovely. Lovely and clever and kind and resilient and insightful and eloquent and generous. I’m grateful that I ‘know’ you and your family, and I thank you for opening your living room to me.
Yes – this is exactly what I wanted to say! Thank you Rowena – and Stephanie, please know that some folks just think they have the right to tell others what to do. They do not. You go right on doing whatever works for you – we’ll be happy that you’ve shared it when you can. You and your family come first.
Well said Rowena, I agree wholeheartedly.
Yes! I agree with all of this.
So beautifully said, and so right.
Yes. This. Sending love and light to all.
I, too, totally agree with Rowena.
And can only add: the very best to the new baby and to the rest of the family as well—will be thinking of you all.
You do you and that’s it. You post when you post. We will read. Merry Christmas and God bless your family and your new bundle that’s due any time.
oh my goodness, I didn’t realize but should have 🙂 that you read all the things. Sigh. I have been thinking of you and your family and know that you are doing the best you can. I do miss the blog but am thinking about Patreon.
Yes! to Patreon. Superb knitting class every time Stephanie posts. Plus you get a dose of her lovely, lively energy.
So glad to see your post. The best you can do is good enough for me. Happy Holidays!
Just know that there are lots and lots of people holding you and your family in their hearts. We are lucky to feel like we are along for your ride, but it is ultimately your ride and you need to take care of yourself and your family first. Always.
The perfect and loveliest sentiment!
Amen.
I feel the same! I’m grateful to read what you share but I do realize how many things are going on in your like. All my best to you and your family.
Yes. This exactly. ❤️
Agree completely
Lovely to hear from you. As someone who’s never met you (or ever be likely to do so), it doesn’t stop me thinking about you and your family and wondering how you all are. You have all been through a huge amount over the last few years and it is your absolute right to deal with that exactly as you choose.
I hope you can all enjoy this season x
This. All I want for you and your family is what I want for mine: peace, and the happiness of having your family around you. Do whatever it takes to get, or stay there.
Steph — Thank you for posting this.
I come on here periodically to see if you’ve posted something to The Blog. And as the days pass, September gets farther and farther away and I just wonder to myself when you will post again. At least I follow you on Instagram, so I see a little bit of how you and your loved ones are doing, so I don’t really worry about it. I just wonder.
Life has changed so much for all of us since 2020, whether we really want to admit it or not. And that’s the way it goes. Life is just hard sometimes.
So, I am sending you no “shoulds”, just good wishes for you and yours, and the little one who is coming soon. Blessings and peace to you. And love. I have truly enjoyed your blog and will check back to see when — like today — I might see another post. It is a gift from you that I don’t take lightly or for granted.
This.
Be well.
Totally agree!! Thanks Carol…and especially thanks, Steph!
We will wait for whatever you offer whenever that happens!~
Well said I have also enjoyed reading your blog, so happy to see a new post.
I will continue to enjoy seeing you on instagram.
And as many have said, you do you
Our fam is just gonna be out here trying our best too, whatever it turns out to be. Wishing you joy, and happy beginnings as the year turns!
Love you anyway, and still, and always. Have your books that give me clear direction when I need it. Have always felt gratitude for how much you share and the beautiful light that comes from your heart and family, through your words and onto my screen. Thank you, lovely lady. I’ll keep watching for your words in whatever form they come and wish you happy new baby, healthy family, wonderful Christmas and excellent New Year. Effusively, Liz
Always glad to have a post from you!
Amen, and Amen. Love you have a good Christmas.
Bottom line, it is your life. Only yours. All yours.
Stephanie, I have been reading the blog since the beginning. I learned to get instagram to see you more. Thank you for being a “friend” to me all these years. You have been perfectly you.
Spot on, darling.
I really came here because I thought (mistakingly) that you had posted a hot toddy recipe on Insta. Turned out to be Smitten Kitchen. Point being, you obviously have a full life–which is why your posts (knitting or not) are interesting. Frankly, a blog sounds like a major lift..Anyway–I’m going to make those strawberry santas tomorrow so–Thanks for that!
The only thing you need to worry about right now is taking care of yourself. Your family has been through the wringer these last few years, and grief recovery does not have a set timetable. While I love reading what you have to say and looking at pictures of what you have been knitting, take all the time you need and do what helps you survive this moment. We will be here, whether that’s tomorrow, next week, or four years from now. In the meantime, since I only discovered your blog a few years ago, I’ve got plenty of back entries to read.
Please take care of yourself (and Joe). Best wishes to you, your family, and the impending grandchild.
You do you
I — and most of us — love you just the way you are. (Thanks, Mr Rogers)
You grieve for as long as you want. My mom is gone 8 years and I still get drippy about it. I have a son who was in prison (he’s out now)that’s a whole other kind of grief. You do you and don’t worry about what anybody else says. You do you. I hope everything is ok with the rainbow baby coming. So happy for you and your family. You all deserve happiness. Don’t worry about the crappers of the world. You do you. God bless you all
We love you and your family and we’ll be here when you want to tell us something!! Be happy!!
Thank you so much for saying this so directly. Love to you and your family!
Bravo. A friend who worked in mental health used to say “don’t should on me” and it just captures so much.
Ceci
“Don’t should on me”
Perfect response! I am so stealing it. Thanks.
People are schmucks, and their sense of ownership is mind boggling. You do you, and there’s a reason I use an RSS feeder – it tells me when you post. Full stop. I don’t pay for reading your blog, so you owe me nothing. Anything I do get is gravy, as they say. I also happen to follow you on IG, so there’s that. Happy knitting, and looking forward to whatever you have to say next, whenever you say it. xo
Do what you can; the rest can and will wait. Take care, and update us as you have time- and not at the expense of your self-care or your family, mind you, or wool is my witness THE BLOG WILL GET YOU.
I’m holding your family in my heart. My wish for you all is that you will be well, whatever form wellness takes.
Wouldn’t it be nice if people sent hugs instead of unsolicited advice about what you should be doing/saying/feeling?
Here’s a hug, along with a firm assurance that only you get to decide what you should be doing 🙂
Post wherever whenever you feel like it. Take your time.
The instagram photos are fun!
It’s great to share your holiday celebrations.
I too have to learn to ignore the”shoulds”.
Keep well, enjoy the holiday,
Best wishes for 2023!
from Lisa RR in Toronto
This may be my first comment ever on your blog but I just wanted to say that I fully support your need to do what is right for you and your family. I’ll read whatever you write, wherever I come across it and be pleased to do so. Take care of yourself and your family!! Leaving the shoulds behind is a hard thing to do but so worth it for your own mental health. I say that as someone who did the work to deal with PTSD that I didn’t know I had and at the time I felt like I “shouldn’t” have because what happened wasn’t “that bad”. We all have things to carry and it would be so great if everyone could give each other a break!!!
Thanks for being you. Do I miss seeing more of you here on the blog? Yes. But I have kept that to myself because this is your space and your life. Hope that baby comes soon and discovers what an amazing family s/he’s been born into! Of course you won’t have much time here once that happens – and we’ll be ok!
Many years ago now, I worked with a social worker in the ER. He often said “don’t should on people” in various circumstances. The tone and delivery made it very clear that “should” was a substitute for another word. I still remember that when people struggle with the complexity of someone deciding for them what they should for shouldn’t do. Who are we to should on ourselves or anybody else?
Dear Stephanie, you, of all people, know what a gift a blog (or Instagram or whatever) is for the people who receive it. However you choose to share your world with me is fine with me (although, those pancakes for Elliot are giving my sister grandmother-inferiority feelings, so I hope you continue to share those pictures). I’ve always hoped that sharing your life sprang from the same impulse as knitting a sweater or a pair of socks, the desire to create. It is my hope that you continue as long as it brings you joy.
Steph, we will be here, in some shape or form, whenever you do post. If the blog goes away, I’ll miss it terribly, but it is YOUR blog. We have been lucky enough to be along for the joys, the sorrows, the knitting, and the laughs for these many years, and that shared experience will never go away. Merry Christmas and a peaceful New Year to you and yours.
As someone who now finds myself with a “full-time job” where I “must” take care of a 3 year old and his 5 year old brother when he isn’t in school so their mommy can work, I am truly in awe that you have time to knit at all. I check Instagram occasionally on my computer and enjoy your posts there. And yes, I do miss getting to visit you in your living room, but I understand – no one outside of family and a couple of close friends has been in mine either. You have a wonderful heart, my friend, and the only thing you “should” do is listen to it. Trust in yourself – and take good care of Elliot and the rest of your family. Sending love and light to you and those around you.
Merry Christmas, and a very happy and blessed New Year to you and your family.
I’m praying for you all.
The only should is…do what is best for you. The time it takes to heal is the time it takes. Best wishes to you and your family. Have as joyous a holiday season as you can. Many many hugs!!
You do what’s best for you and your family. Period. I’ll be here. whenever.
Beautifully said. We love and appreciate you just as you are. I am enjoying Patreon and I enjoy your blog when you’re here. When you’re not, I’m content to await your return if it happens. You will always be my knitting guru no matter what. I hope your holidays are filled with peace and love.
Love you ❤️
Hugs and the Compliments of the Season to your and your family. My hopes for you are all joy for the soon to be baby. Rest, health and love to all of you.
Every word, every photo, every story you post is a gift to us…..and gifts are just that, something given freely, with no strings attached and accepted gracefully. So I am always thankful when you share a part of your life with us and am equally appreciative that some parts are private, or maybe you are too busy to post or too tired or just don’t feel like it. Because if the Blog is truly your living room, then we should (there’s that word again) be politely waiting, sipping our tea whilst you are busy elsewhere. That’s what friends do – offer unconditional love, and although I have only met you in person once…you feel like family, and I love your wonderful, complicated, heart breaking but resilient, exceptionally talented family.
So I will be over here, in my chair, sipping my tea and patiently waiting for the next chat – in whatever format you offer it in. That’s what friends do.
Wishing you and your family peace and love.
Lots of big, sheltering, heart-mending light to you and yours! <3
Just sending lots of love and light and hugs and gratitude.
I’m always glad when you choose to share your wit, thoughts, pictures and ideas. I do follow you on Instagram and while I have missed the blog posts, I would not dream to impose my demands and opinions on you. Of course what others say/write affects us, whether we want it to or not. Sending positive thoughts, wishing you and the family the best. I’ll be celebrating the solstice (thanks to you) and hoping the best for all of you.
Thank you for not closing the blog.
Yes. A million times this! No shoulds. Post when or if you can. But I am glad you are not closing the blog, and I’m scratching my head over the arrogance of people who think you “should.”
Same from me. Grief knows no timetable and neither do illness and injury, frankly. I’m just glad to hear that you are still kicking and enjoying family as much as able.
I was happy to see this post. I identify with a lot of what you wrote. I’ve been thinking of you and your family. Best wishes for the new baby coming. I don’t know what happened to your husband, but I hope everything will be OK.
No judgement from me. I am just happy to hear from you.
I love that Elliot made everyone ornaments and I hope for a new baby at just the right time. Thanks for the update.
My Mum has some advice which brings me some
peace in these difficult times ‘don’t should all over yourself’. Any of your content is welcomed.
Best wishes to you and yours and The Blog sending grace, good snacks and joy during this festive season. Much love
It’s always good to hear from you, because your posts feel so warm and true. And when the truth is you just can’t, I understand. The blog will be here, I will be here, when you return,
It’s a special treat to hear from you on the blog. Sending lots of love as that’s all I can really do! It wouldn’t be a nice blog if you don’t take care of yourself first take all the time you need! Even forever is fine.
Hi Stephanie,
Lovely, heartfelt post. Thank you. I have tried eliminating the word “should” from my conversations. I use the “could” word instead. It’s very freeing for me. When I hear “should” spoken to me, I change it to “could” in my mind. It’s helped me a lot. Hoping your new granddaughter arrives on Monday (my birthday) but more importantly arrives safely.
Merry Christmas to you and yours. Thanks for all you do for me. <3
What a thoughtful and diplomatic post; it came from your heart, as everything you write has, and obviously required a lot of time to compose. Perfect!
You have been generous enough to share yourself with so many people through your books, this blog and instagram, and have done it willingly. We readers owe you a lot, never vice versa.
I hope you feel free to heal, celebrate and deal at whatever pace and in whatever way is best for you. You be you, and you are what we readers have come to love.
Dear Stephanie – I love reading your blog and your books. It’s your blog and in the best of worlds I do hope you will start blogging again, but who knows what twists and turns life has? I wish you and your family a lovely Christmas.
What a beautiful post. What a great reminder at just the perfect time that this is what it is: we’re doing our best, each and every one of us, every single day. And sometimes it might seem like it’s not enough but maybe it still is just the best we can do on that particular day. And that there are musts before shoulds. And shouldn’t the nice to haves come before the shoulds? Maybe even be peppered in between the musts!
A merry merry Christmas to you and yours, a safe arrival of a blessed little baby and a fabulous start of a fresh new year!
Thank you.
As ever I admire your honesty.
Often on reading and re-reading your posts I look for what of your philosophy of life and loving actions I can apply to my own life to the benefit of those around me (and my own well-being). Not as a ‘should’ but as an opportunity.
All loving good wishes for Meg, the new baby, and you all.
I went to hear you speak in London the day after I’d found out my dear mum had terminal cancer. I have no idea what you said, but the fact that I made it to you at a time of such shock and fear has been a part of what has kept me grounded in future years. This whole blog is your virtual family and good families let their members do what they need to do, with no pressure, but with love and understanding. Take care love x
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all those comments. My heart has ached for you and your family, all I have ever felt the need to send is love. Sometimes, I have days that seem dark, darker than they are, life seems hard, unkind and pointless. Sometimes, in those moments, randomly, I will think of you, someone I have never met, and I will feel thanks that you exist, that you are you and do what you in the world, and think that yes, that is the point and I feel a little better. Thank you for being you, for living so actively in this world with compassion. Sending love.
Honest and refreshing as usual – and incredibly generous to share as much as you do. Wishing you and your family a beautiful Christmas xxx
I’ve been reading your blog for years but always as a lurker. Now, I just want to send a hug your way – (((hug)))
That’s all, but I hope it helps in any way at all.
You are loved, just as you are, from both near and afar. You are loved.
Cheers lovely, peace to you all.
Thinking of and praying for all of you always. I love your blog and read it whenever you post. As someone said – family first, always!
oh my goodness – you go Steph! I do miss you and will see you when we see you. big love to you and yours.
Amen. Love to you and your family, and best wishes in the new year.
Sending hugs and support to you and your family. Only you all know the right choices for you to get though everything you have faced.
So many people have already expressed what I want to say as well. I love reading the blog when you post, I completely understand when you don’t. You have created a great community here and we are here to give you love and support, not stress and angst. I am a very rare commenter, but feel the need to add my voice to the many here – you do you.
Holy cats, Steph, I’ll be hiding in behind the piano (with the junk from the coffee table), quietly thanking you for letting me see that other people don’t do perfect either. Once I let that go, I was free. I hope you will feel that too, making your own right choices.
With respect, bj.
Those of us that adore you way outnumber the grinches. Stuff ’em & hugs to you.
<3
❤️I understand and I’ll be happy to see you whenever. ❤️
SENDING BIG VIRTUAL HUGS TO YOU!
There are so many people who read this blog and do not judge or “should” you that I wish it were possible for all of our love and appreciation to come through and wipe away any ickiness felt from other kinds of responses.
You do whatever you need to do! I support your choices.
Well said.
Thank you!
Hang in there. I like you the way you are, and I admire the way you work to put your energy and focus where it needs to be – you always have. PS: The blanket’s beautiful and the baby will be too.
Your post has so helped me understand why I feel on edge all the time. Too many shoulds out there. Love you Steph
Thank you for you and for your words. I’ve learned in the past 6 or 7 years that there’s an awful lot of people out there without empathy. And since crawling out of the woodwork they’ve made life harder for the rest of us. Take care of you and yours. Love you.
I have never responded to your blog before but I felt moved by it. My mom would always say “ask yourself is it true, then is it nice and is it necessary. If it’s not true or nice or necessary then the problem isn’t you”. I thought of that when you wrote the advice you had received. As for your blog, do it when it feels right to you. Your life is just that, yours. Others do not get to tell you how to be you, and you are fabulous.
Moms are so smart.
Copying and pasting this precious gem on the computer.
And maybe the bulletin board at the coffeehouse. 🙂
And at work! Ooooohhhhhh.
I’m glad to hear from you, and to know that like so many of us, you are doing your best at living right now. You are not alone. I’m not on IG, and can’t afford Patreon at the moment, so I will simply check back here from time to time, and meanwhile, knit while I pray, and hold you and yours in both stitch and prayer. Sending a hug.
Nothing is the same since the Pandemic and maybe it never will be again. None of us can “go back” to being who we were before. All we can do is support one another through Whatever This Is Now. Life changes, we change with it. You do you, sweetie, and we’ll be here for whatever you choose to do. Now go concentrate on that impending grandbaby!!
Thank you.
This is such a powerful post and came at the perfect time for me. Thank you for posting. My family is going through a very tough time right now and I am struggling to work my way past it. I only hope I am doing it with half the grace and wisdom you have shared with us. Wishing you peace
I wish you peace and light.
What ever you want to do, do it. You only get one life and it’s all yours so enjoy and sod all the nay sayers.
We may miss you, but you know what’s best for your own life. The little glimpses through Instagram have been a delight, especially all the time you’ve been able to share with Meg and her family. Light and love to you and yours, Steph, may you have a calm and blessed Solstice. <3
Dear Stephanie, We are all in this together. I often don’t understand people, but I try to tell myself that many people have good intentions when they give advice. It is their way of expressing care. As human beings, we are all incredibly awkward at doing it sometimes. As human beings we have to forgive one another, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and keep on hoping. Usually things work out well in the end.
I am looking forward to Christmas for the Amazon gift card I usually receive from family. I am going to re-buy some of your books. I have read them all more than once, but when I moved, I had to give some away. I kept the Knitting Rules! I’ll tell you, after Christmas, which ones I obtained with my gift card.
Tell Joe that I will be working at praying for his arm, that it heals well, and I hope, in the meantime, that he will be patient, as patience, too, is a kind of prayer.
I wish you all the joys of Christmas, and I thank you for writing to us, dear, dear Stephanie with the big heart!
Appreciating what you chose to share and wishing you all the best!
My mantra the last few years (and I absolutely believe this to be true) has been: We’re all doing the best we can. It’s a useful reminder to me when I develop a case of the “shoulds.” Wishing you well, and knowing you’re doing your best, and that is enough.
I love your blog and you are my favorite writer, wether you write here or elsewhere and no matter how often. Lots of love for you and your family!
We love you, Stephanie, and we’re patient. We all have lives, too, and we’re just trying to get from day to day. As you are. We get it. Thanks for all you are able to share with us.
Steph, I got a really lovely phone call from the folks at the Bike Rally thanking me for support this year. It made me think of you, because as someone who lives thousands of miles away, I’d never have known or participated without your voice.
Thank you for what you do. Thank you for choosing to share yourself with us (The Blog) in whatever form, on whatever platform, and in whatever time you choose.
Grateful for you,
a friend in Oregon
Steph,
Echoing what others above have said – we are forever grateful that you have invited us into your living room over the years. If you end up posting more, we’ll be here. If you end up posting less, we’ll be glad for having shared the experience of being silent but enthusiastic members of The Blog and will (always! whether you write or not!) be sending you and your family light and love, whatever may come. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Cheers Steph, for being you and doing your thing, whatever that looks like, whether we see it or not. Sending you and the Fam much love. Keep grooving <3
Aly.
Well said Stehanie! Well said indeed! We can all learn from this post.
Steph, I don’t know who or what prompted you to write this, but tell them to STFU. Repeat as needed.
Take the time you need to deal with your day-to-day stuff. Enjoy Elliot and the upcoming grandbaby. Have fun fine-tuning Joe’s bionic arm. Indulge in qiviut, angora, cashmere, and silk. Go play with some kittens or puppies. Sniff some flowers. Take care of yourself.
Then, sort the “shoulds” in order of what YOU think you should do. Others might have some advice, but only YOU can choose what you should do.
The Blog will wait for you. We’ll be patient.
I hope you and yours have a happy and safe holiday season.
We are here when YOU are ready.
Glad to hear from you. Please accept no advice from me, only good wishes. I am fervently hoping for the new baby to be healthy and a joyful blessing to your whole family.
Hang in there, Steph.
New baby! WOW! I was just quietly lamenting to my sister, who had 2 new grandchildren this year (one in May and one in October) that I really miss my grands being so little. Truthfully I really enjoy my girls, they’re funny and kind and involved and so so smart and growing up very very fast.
My sister gets a picture or video nearly every day from her kids with a new picture or video… So she’s taken to sending them to me so I can enjoy her grands being little… I love my sister. Hope you have as much fun with your new baby as my sister is having with hers.
Dear Steph,
After echoing all said above, I wish to add this. Your post has brought into focus for me that more positive comments are needed. I have had a tendency to mostly post advice when I post at all. In the future, I will retain awareness of the importance of posting praise, appreciation and gratitude, in the hopes of offsetting the opposite comments. In fact, this need not be limited to online posts. In any contact with people, surely I can find something to compliment. I may never know the difference it may make, but not saying it only makes a poor one.
So I now say, you continue to make a positive difference in my life and I greatly thank you for it. I wish you and yours all the best.
Me too!
I love you, Steph, no matter what you do/don’t do. You make the world a better place by being who you are. I am keeping you and yours in my heart.
Sending you 100% love and 0% judgment. If/when you you are ready for guests in this virtual living room, I’ll be here. Regardless of how often or infrequent that turns out to be, I’m grateful for the space, humor, and insight you have shared.
I don’t think I can put it better than this.
Stephanie, the space, humor, and insight you provide – you owe it to none of us, and we’re grateful that you give it freely.
Wishing you the best for the coming year
What Rowena says at the top of the comments. And I also thought you might enjoy hearing that whenever I’m playing one of your Patreon videos my husband ambles into the room and stays for the duration. He hasn’t a clue what you’re talking about, but he loves the sound of your voice and your spirit. “It’s so soothing.” Yet another gift to the universe from the Yarn Harlot!
Love you, Stephanie.
Thank you for sharing what you do with us all. I love your writings and am grateful for them for many reasons. Again, thank you for being you.
Well said.
And That’s my plan- do what I can and do what I want.
You do YOU, however that is! You are loved!
Dear Stephanie, I’m just glad to see your post because it means you’re still around! We all have to do what we can do – and that’s all and that’s OK.
Love,
Carol
I’ve missed the more frequent postings, but always trusted that there were Very Good Reasons why you weren’t able to post. I’d much rather one thoughtful and considered entry every six months than meaningless words churned out because you think we’re expecting it.
Merry Christmas to you and your family and I hope your newest member of the family arrives safely.
<3
Heart!… that’s supposed to be a love-filled heart.
I’m glad you are still here, I was worried that you weren’t. Carry on!
Wow, I don’t typically read the comments, or leave comments myself, so I was surprised to see that people are leaving comments that are judgmental and less than kind. Stephanie – just know that for every one person leaving an unkind comment, there are hundreds of us who are silently sending love and good thoughts your way. Best wishes for a healthy, happy new baby and a new year that brings healing to your family.
Dear Steph – as the mother of a son who has severe military PTSD, I have been told what I “should do” for nearly a decade. Out of neccessity, I have learned to armor myself with emotional teflon, and simply (it’s never simple) to do the Best I Can.
Breathe, baby. I’m behind you all the way. Get through Wednesday, as you say, one foot in front of the other. You are blessed with love. We’re here, whenever, however, whatever.
Do the best you can with the information, time, and energy you have and do it according to *your* definition of your best. The rest of us get opinions (they’re like noses, everyone has one) but you are the only one with a vote on what your best is. I’m glad to see you post again, not because you owe me anything (you don’t!) but because I was hoping you were just busy with real life and nothing worse.
Just sending you a bucketload of love.
Thank you so much for what you have been willing to give over the years. I’m forward to hearing from you again when you have the time and the inclination.
Hi Steph, I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever commented on The Blog before, but I’ve been a reader for years. I appreciate your experience, your expertise, and your glorious willingness to share so much of your life and knitting with us — it’s such a gift! I’m glad that I checked today to find this post, and I hope you keep on doing exactly what works for YOU.
Sending all best wishes to you and your family for the arrival of your new little one!
I’m guessing that people don’t think enough. Maybe they don’t think that you’re a person and not a service provider, maybe they don’t think that you have feelings. I might be wrong, maybe they are arseholes.
I hope that I’ve never been that commenter.
You are enough just the way you are!
That is so much that you have to carry. I’m grateful you do it, and prioritize okayness. That is huge right now. Thanks for letting me into the living room. ❤️
I love what you do. You do whatever, and I will be here whenever you choose to stop by (RSS-feed FTW).
Something I’m grateful for in this crap are the internet talks you have given. For once I could participate! Thank you!
I’m here to read/watch/listen to whatever you publish, wherever you do and whenever you do. No shoulds, just someone who sees what you share as one of life’s gifts, to be enjoyed when they arrive. Thank you x
Much love.
Hugs to you and yours. Happy holidays, and much love from a little ways east and north.
You should do those things which bring you serenity, satisfaction, and/or joy. That’s it. That’s the best any of us can do.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Gracious, as always and spot on. Sending hugs, prayers and blessings for you and your family; much love and light to Meg and Alex as you welcome new life to your circle.
Take care of you; someday, perhaps, I’ll achieve some small measure of your heart and your strength and your spirit. Meanwhile, I, for one, will be sitting quietly in the corner of your living room sipping tea and eternally grateful for the gift that is Stephanie whenever and however she might share. Namaste.
I think you write beautifully, with humour, honesty and heart and your troubles resonated so much with some experiences my family has had – please don’t stop xx
Love you, hugs, congrats on the new baby! You owe us nothing. I’ll continue to check for updates because I enjoy reading them. If there is one, great! If not, I understand. You have your life to live. Best to you and yours for the holiday season!
covid has also changed my life and the lives of those of my family and my friends. All we can do is love each other and give each other the time and space that we crave for ourselves so that we can find ourselves and a new balance in our life. At this season of new life and rebirth may we all find the peace, love and joy we all crave. Blessings on the newest life in your family. God bless you all.
Steph, as much as I miss your blogs, right now I want for you to do whatever is good for you. You SHOULD do what’s right for you and the rest of us SHOULD put up and shut up and respect your choices.
Hang in there.
As far as I am concerned, there is only one thing you absolutely should do — and that’s whatever the hell you want. No one else has a right to tell you how to spend your time, where you should go, who you should see, what you should knit with, etc., etc.
Your writing has amused me often and occasionally brought me great joy and/or profound insights (thank you for calling BS on the “Who cares?” line of nonsense). I always wish you well, but I rarely comment because I see you are dealing with a lot these days, and I fear saying anything that would in any way add to that. Thank you for all you give to, well, everyone you give to. I’m thinking good thoughts for the new little one and all the rest of you!
I’m always happy to hear you, whether it’s on the blog or Instagram (sorry, I’m not on Patreon.) And I’m so glad to read about the good moments and the other moments. You are one of my favorite writers writing about real things. If my now-adult son can wait thirteen years for the Avatar sequel, I think I can manage a little patience to hear from you next. I wish you and your family all the best.
As someone who hasn’t posted a lot during this year (for similar reasons – tons of family stuff last year and this year and then personal stuff concerning me and whatnot) – YOU decide. I will check in on your blog to see if you posted something and yes, I miss your blogging – but then, I hop over to instagram to let me see the bits the platform lets me see without an account and then I read your old blog entries.
My fingers are crossed for Meg – hard!! – and I wish her all the luck and love in the world, and you, too. Thank you for not closing the blog, and please, just take your time. I’ll read whatever you post, whenever I can. thank you so much for you and this blog, I don’t know if anyone has inspired me as much to knit and write about it on my own little blog as you have.
Hugs and much love.
Brava, Steph.
If you don’t take care of YOU, there is no blog, no instagram posts, no patreon videos. You are loved and missed, and thank you for letting us into your life.
Love and light to you and yours, and brightest blessings for a happy holiday season and a new year with some more breathing room.
I skipped the kudos to you, not because it is not deserved but because I am exhausted. This is through no fault of yours. I don’t like the holiday season, family is far and wide, we have no children. I am working so that I can buy yarn and pay medical bills. It also keeps me sane, the working. I also got bad news family member going into hospice and emotions in me are up and down. My government has forgotten, the first amendment, and is embracing censorship and a host of other diabolical abuses of rights will be coming out. It will change nothing, we continue to keep on keeping on. You can always pop in and out, the medium and your audience are amendable so just say hi when you want to.
Sing it, Steph. Well done. Brava. I’m here with tea whenever you are in. Blessings to y’all.
I love your work. I love your writing. I love the effects of your writing on the world.
My only problem is that I want more.
Patience is not my middle name, clearly.
I am so happy for your actual authentic voice in your writing, as much as is possible.
THANK YOU.
Yay, you’re back!
I have held you and yours in my heart, and I hope you have a blessed holiday.
Hugs, great big warm ones.
Spot on and perfectly said. Wishing a Blessed Yule to you and yours and all the love in the world to that new baby when s/he arrives.
Blessings to you and yours during (and after) this magical holiday season. Prayers are being said for your daughter to safely deliver a healthy baby for you all to love. Lucky baby! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being you and saying what many of us are also feeling. Blessings to you and your family. Stay well. Stay safe.
These are difficult times we live in, whether in Canada or the US or Europe. We’ve all been through this together. Some came out well, some not so. My family has not escaped unscathed, I’m having an extremely difficult time this holiday season. But my life, your life, all of our lives will go on in some fashion or another.
I will continue to look for a post here and there, I know you will post when YOU WANT TO. Just know that most of us will not judge you, just pray for you and your family. Carry on and know you are loved.
OK Stephanie, here’s Rule 1: Life’s a challenge and then you die; Rule 2: Do the best you can in every circumstance. Glad you shared where your head is ….. but please don’t use your blog to beat those of us who are also doing the best we can over the head. I look up your blog to hear about your knitting …. hang in there …. hope your daughter and grandbaby are doing OK.
Just want to say that I am so well aware that it is a privilege to get to “ride along” with someone else’s life, to be encouraged by the work they do, so thank you for letting me read along however long suits you. Your writing has encouraged me to be a better knitter and a better human. I wish you all the best!
Well, that brought a wee tear to my eye.
❤️
You have listened to your inside and are doing the right thing for you. That’s best..
I hope that the solstice is a day of peace and light for you. Sending good wishes to you and yours, with the hope you have many blessings in the new year. Take care. Thanks for always taking the road of asking, hoping and expecting people to be kind. That is something that warms my heart.
Just want to say I love you. Thank you for being wonderful.
Thank you for words well written! Take care of you and yours.
Like many, the past two years have royally f’ed me up & brought me challenges of the panini variety and of the “that’s just life” variety. In the past couple weeks I’ve been thinking about the upcoming solstice and remembering all your beautiful posts about it, and how I want to sit and take some deep breaths, and then start moving back to the light. Not back to what life was Before Times. But just back to a life that has some twinkle in it. I wanted to say thanks for putting that on my heart.
I think it seems so fitting that your new little babe will be coming soon. I hope you all know (and especially Meg) that so many are carrying you all in our hearts.
Well said. I’m here for it. It being whatever you post, wherever/whenever you post. I enjoy your input to knitting and life. Sending you best wishes this holiday and season of new life with grandbaby.
Steph, just feel hugged! ♥
Hugs. You do you, and take care of yourself and your family. Wishing you all a fantastic holiday, and know that I and my wife are often thinking of Meg and sending the most positive vibes possible her way.
As ever, your post strikes a chord! I teach adults and I an obliged to collect written feedback after each course. Usually the majority of it is glowing (what’s the use of that; it doesn’t help me improve?). However, occasionally it can be harsh. In theory this is more helpful as it gives me something to work on. However, invariably when I try and fix it the overall satisfaction rates of everyone else goes down. I have learned to take all feedback with a pinch of salt whilst remaining reflective and open to change.
Another thought. Someone once told me that when people give feedback they are reviewing themselves and that is true. Enthusiastic happy course participants give glowing reviews, those that came in misreable and didn’t want to be there often give more negative (and sometimes mean spirited) reviews. Often it reflects on them more than it reflects on you.
I am so sorry this has been your experience to your witty, wise and compassionate contribution to so many lives. I love your writing, your stories, your knitting and wool. I have laughed and cried so many times while reading your blog and well, it just makes me want to be a better person, so thank you so much! I look forward to reading and watching on whatever platform I can find you. Love you to and your family xo
The only thing you should do (read: I hope you do) is take care of you and yours in whatever way works best for you. Always happy to see a post from you, but I also recognize the [I would think obvious] fact that I, a stranger on the internet, and my interest in being entertained and educated by you are not your priorities, nor should they be. I hope you have a beautiful solstice.
I wish a safe and happy holiday season for you and your family! Thank you for all that you do!
I still look every day to see if there’s a new post, but I follow you on IG and know you have a lot going on. What’s important to YOU is what matters, you can only do so much. I’m very excited for you that you will be having a new baby around soon, the greatest gift. Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones.
Love your last full paragraph. Years ago, when all the spinning plates were falling on my head, I decided on a strategy. I would keep the “must do-s” and the “want to do-s,” and eliminate the “should do-s.”
I love your writing – the wit, humor, and honesty. However, I recognize that your blog is a gift, and I am grateful when you post, but I am also aware that you don’t owe me or any other blog readers anything. Please know that I think of you at times when I’m knitting and wish all good things for you and your family.
Your blog has enriched my life in countless ways, no “shoulds” attached. I have been thinking about your family a lot lately with the imminent arrival of a new grandchild and all of the very complicated emotions you must be processing. My heartfelt best wishes to all of you.
Love you Steph. All the best to you and your family. Thanks for letting us in on your life for all these years. I cherish every post, be they daily or few and far between.
The Blog loves you no matter what.
Just sending love to you and all your family!
Here’s my “should”… the people telling you to stop blogging “should just stop being wrong”. I enjoy your posts and if there is a longer pause between them, it just makes it that much more of a treat!
Well said! Reading someone’s blog is a privilege left totally up to the author and readers need to remember that before making criticisms. Enjoy your holidays and your family and PEACE to you all.
Lovely to hear from you Stephanie, and we will be here whenever you are ready to catch up next.
Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas. Best wishes to you, your family and all of the people who like to check in here.
You do you, we’ll be glad to read what you’re up to when you’re ready to tell us about it! Enjoy your holidays and ignore the shoulds, my house/life is full of them and they haven’t fallen down yet. Hugs from ‘t’other side of the pond! x
fuck ’em – you’re doing great. glad you wrote this. love, live, weep, laugh, do mindless tasks mindlessly, thrill to a great book, veg out – whatever gets you and yours through.
I am so glad you revisited the blog. I check every day, then I go read the older posts (I keep losing track of where I am, so some have been read more than others and I suspect that I have skipped large swathes her and there.) I do try to follow instagram, but I’m pretty terrible at finding what I want (one of the few things that make me feel elderly!) Love your writing and wishing you and family all the best. PS: Is yarn a business expense? I’d like that job!!
Thank you for today’s post – what a nice treat! Your blog, your rules and we’ll be waiting to read more when you want to post more.
You write with a clear and honest voice, and I always enjoy your posts. Take care of yourself.
Please do whatever you want, Steph. It’s your life and you’re entitled to do what makes YOU happy. Stop worrying about the rest of us or nasty comments, I think the latter probably come from folks who don’t have a life and live vicariously thru you. Happy holidays to you and your family!
Please…for yourself, your family, and for those of us who love you dearly….please do what you need to, in the way that fits for you and know that we remain gently in the background, willing to support you in any way that we can. We respect you, love you and want only the best for you. We hold you in our hearts, forever and always.
To quote someone (maybe even you?) – Holy Cats! The only thing you “should” be doing is whatever you feel is right for you and your family at the moment. I’m just glad that we’re able to come along for the ride (when and what you choose to share with us!)
Exactly this! ❤️
Your book was my first introduction to “knitters” who were the kind of people I felt comfortable around. And gave me the push to meet real knitters in person. And to meet a different sent of knitters when that first were a bunch of stuffy old ladies with no sense of humor.
Your blog got me through 2 years in the Peace Corps (my dad would print out all the entries and mail them to me every month).
Subsequent books and blog posts and patterns have given me more joy than I can express. And even though it is weird being words on a screen, comfort when I needed it, like listening to a friend.
And what kind of friend would I be if you gave me what I needed (even though you had no idea) and I didn’t do the same?
I love your posts and books and Patreon videos. But what I love about them is that it is *you*. So if I have to wait 6 months between posts or videos, who cares? I’d rather a happy(ish) and healty(ish) Stef than one who is going through the motions. The last few years have been more than anyone should have to endure, but we have, at whatever capacity we could.
Take care of you as best you can. Be with your family as best you can. We will wait. And I hope that when you do get comments from people who are cruel or not understanding, those of us who are thankful for you in whatever capacity you are able to give us, even if it is picking up a dogeared copy of a book, can drown them out. Take care of you. If we see you again whenever that is, wonderful. If not, that is fine to but please remember how grateful I am for the time you allowed me to be a part of your life.
The only “should” you should do is whatever works for you. We’re here for you, regardless. Personally I’m glad I found you on IG so I can see your updates when you’re ready to post them. (I think I sweat bullets right along with you as you were racing to finish the edging on that beautiful lace afghan!)
Thinking and wishing good thoughts for you and your family through this holiday season and always. Thank you for the smiles, and sharing your life and family with us, your online family. Be well!!
Steph: You do you. That’s what I love most about you. Wishing you inner peace, good health, love and laughter with your dearest!
Wishing you happy holidays, with peace and good fortune going forward.
Sounds good to me.
You know, when we’re happy with someone, and appreciative, we need to let them know more often. So, Stephanie, for you, no ‘shoulds’, no ‘musts’, just a heartfelt THANK YOU for all that you do. Brilliantly. THANK YOU.
I do my best too. That’s it!
I’m going to use that simple phrase more often.
I already know you do your best too. It’s enough!
Thank you Stephanie ♥️
We love you just as you are. Exactly as you are. No shoulds required. Thank you for being you.
Stephanie,
You are a gift. Thank you.
Darlene
First, I want to say that I was absolutely thrilled to see that you posted. Even after reading (and knowing) that you haven’t felt up to it of late, I’m still thrilled to read your writing. I pulled up the blog because I’m anxiously awaiting Penelope, and thought I might catch a glimpse of the wee one. I, like many others, still shed an occasional tear for Charlotte, a trauma that I’m sure is difficult for you and your family to bear. And like most mourning, it is never something that we get over, it is something we carry to our graves, and we’re grateful for it – for if we stop mourning, we have forgotten. I am so very grateful for your craft – not only your knitting craft, but also your writing craft – and I’m glad that you take the time to share your talents with us. Your writing helps us all bear the traumas in life a bit more clearly and with a bit more care. Steph, please write (or don’t) whenever and wherever you want. If you don’t want to tell us about Penelope, that’s ok. Thank you for sharing all that you have.
So glad that you are OK!! Was worried about you.
What’s this about Joes’ arm???
A teacher once told me when I was waiting to get handed an envelope of exam results, “you did your best; nobody can ever ask more of you than that.” I am so sorry to hear that people are making you feel like your best is not “good enough” for them. Sending love and light to you and all of your family and loved ones.
Stephanie – I have always felt incredibly grateful for your generosity in allowing us to peek inside your mind, home, family, knitting, etc. Thank you. You have helped me in more ways than you will ever know. May your spirit know Peace.
Dear Stephanie, I was reading your post late at night. When I read the sentence ‘I should knit less‘, somehow my mind swapped the sh and the k around. For a split second, I thought ‘Really, someone even suggested that?!’.
You do you, we will all be here whenever you are.
Bravo
Please don’t say goodbye to the blog. Your writing has been very important and influential to me. I read your books and blog from early on. Then I chanced to meet you at Lettuce Knit back in 2010 when my husband and I were visiting Toronto. TO was our honeymoon city back in the previous century, and we thought that another visit was warranted, helping us to heal after the loss of a child. We were the walking wounded and that trip was a refreshing interlude. We didn’t talk about that with you, but about the freshly republished Knitter’s Almanac and where to have lunch. How nice to chat with lovely people who didn’t ask how we were doing or who looked at us with Grave Concern. You’ve been through the valley of the shadow as well without an opportunity for any sort of interlude. You deserve blessings, not “advice.” I am very much looking forward to reading about the next grand baby.
You keep doing what is best/right for you. As someone who has had to deal with some of that pressure, you will get back to being/feeling more like you when you are ready. I am sorry that there are so many people out there advising you.
Looking forward to hearing from you when it works out. Enjoy the new baby when they decide to join us in this crazy mixed up world.
Keep being you.
The one thing I can say for sure that I’ve learned after nearly 3 years of isolation and caution is that it’s all one-day-at-a-time, and sometimes it’s an hour or a minute rather than a day. Yes it would be lovely to be back in the before days when we could all be sharing and busy and living the old lives, but what we have now is what is.
It’s hard sometimes to step away from the “what if” and recognize that “what is” is the part we’re in. May all be blessed and safe and at ease, even if only for a moment.
You and all your family, all the blog, and all creatures – may all be and do the best we are able.
Take care of you and your family in whatever way is best. I have been blessed by your posts, wherever & however they come. Many blessing to you all!
I’ve been thinking about you lately since I know Winter Solstice is soon. I’ve learned to look forward to it because of your posts, celebrating the day.
Once again you are able to put into words something I could not. We’ve been getting through this time unscathed, so why am I usually in a funk? Because I feel like we got dumped out of Bedford Falls, and we’re now living in Potterville. I hope Clarence the angel comes to earn his wings soon.
When I discovered your post today, it was like a very precious, early Xmas gift, thank you.
Stephanie, you do you, and we will be here with you. Support and live us all anyone should weigh in with at this point. A community should do nothing more or less than support you. Props to you, you’d journey and your family
I love you just as you are. I am so happy to see all that you write and knit and as much of your life and family and friends as you want to share. And i like that you can be found in several places. I believe it’s incredibly generous of you to give us so much.
May the light of the Winter Solstice shine on you and bring you the promise of many brand new days.
So GLAD and relieved to hear from you! Everyone deals with life their own way, in their own time. No one knows what’s best for you than yourself.
Thank you for generously sharing so much of you and yours for so long.
Thank you Stephanie. What I’m thanking you for I’ll keep to myself, but thank you.
Thank you for this honesty.
I love you.
I love your perception and ability to put into words what I am feeling.
You do what you need to.
I look forward to whenever and whatever and however you want to share.
Patience and perseverance.
I see you and hear you, wherever you are, and have for many years. Appreciate your insight and honesty. And the knitting.
Yes it matters what people think. But most are understanding and realise we all have a different set of trauma in our lives. We do miss you, but instagram is great to keep us in the loop that you’re doing OK and the family is if not thriving at the least coping. When the time is right and only you and your family will know, we will be here waiting. Stay safe and enjoy the little one when she arrives.
Happy to “see” you. Merry Christmas!
Oooft this resonates on so many levels.
Thank you Steph, once again, for the wisdom and for sharing your inner life so generously. I’ve been reading along for nearly half my lifetime (since the poncho era!) and think of you often as I reach milestones in my own life that you’ve been candid and reflective about in your writing. Being in a season of hunkering down quietly isn’t a failing, it’s necessary and I’m glad to hear you intend to keep doing what you need, and absolutely nothing more.
I’ve lurked on here for years and years and never commented before. But now I am because I just have to tell you that this is brilliant. I won’t go into all the ways it helped me but it really did. Especially what you wrote about trauma. Absolutely spot on and I wish more people had this understanding. Sending love – I think you’re a wonderful human being and am so, so grateful for your perspective on life
You need to do you – and who cares what the rest of the world thinks!
I was really worried that we hadn’t heard from you for so long – especially with all that is going on in the world!
For me, your blog doesn’t need to be a huge involved “perfect” post – just a pop in to say all is well, maybe with a photo of a current project to let us know you are on the right side of the dirt? 🙂
A wise person once said to me: “I won’t should on you and you won’t should on me.”
“You do you!!!” Thanks for reminding us of that. ❤️
Take care of yourself and your family. Take all the time you need. We will be here when you get back. Sending love from Kansas.
So many express my feelings that I need not dwell on the “do iit your way” theme. For the record I have been fine with how you are handling and sharing your life. It is your way. I am nervously on baby watch with you. Those who have opinions about what you “should be doing” need to look in the mirror and honestly reflect on their own lives.
It makes me sad that you even have to write this. I appreciate your candor, and humor. I hope you and your family have a blessed new year.
Well I haven’t got any advice! I enjoy whatever content you put out, whenever you feel like putting it out there. I hope you have a lovely new year and keep doing whatever works for you, at whatever time it works for you to do it!
Sending you love and a great, huge, warm hug.
Listening or reading your books have been such a comfort to me over the years Stephanie, and I’ve gone back to each many times. I struggle with chronic illness and depression, and I especially would enjoy hearing you reading your words, and you would make me laugh, an also remind me of what I love about yarn, and knitting, and how to take care of myself with this hobby that others around me don’t really understand.
Eventually I came to your blog, and enjoyed the bits of your life you would share here as I would eat my breakfast. And I wouldn’t comment because there were always so many comments already, but I feel that I must tell you, that you really have brought me some comfort, laughter, and a bit of sunshine, and truly in some dark times was my audiobook to help me through rough nights. I can’t thank you enough for that.
No “shoulds” from me – just happy to read anything you want to share. HUGE love to you and your lovely family. Everything is crossed for the safe arrival of your new grandchild. Wishing you all a very happy Christmas.
Hugs and Merry Christmas to you and your family. Post when and if you want to. This is your blog, not ours.
You are an awesome person. Whatever you are willing to share is appreciated as a gift and should have no timeliness or even expectations. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of those around you.
Sending a huge, virtual hug your way, Stephanie.
Wishing you and yours health and happiness.
Thank you for this.
I relayed a story of yours to a new friend recently–the one about dirty dishes in the oven. It was a comfort to both our hearts.
I love you Steph.
I love you, Yarn Harlot, in however you chose to share/not share. I do understand grief (but have not actually experienced the loss of a grandchild).
Sorry that the “shoulds” became so loud. I did miss the holiday “worksheet” and how all the chaos resolved for a solstice celebration. I have always felt that, in the midst of pulling this together, you were incredibly generous to share these moments with us. And, since I had my own “unwritten” worksheet and always ended up shedding items, I really appreciated knowing that I was not alone.
Hugs and freedom, my friend.
Nothing to say but love you, Steph. You’re doing it all exactly right.
I hope you are holding your newest granddaughter soon. That’s all you should be doing in the short term aside from feeding yourself occasionally.
I think you’re kind and caring and your stories have helped me and so many people so much. You’re my guide in a lot of things and my proof to my husband that I’m not crazy (or at least not the only one). Thank you for writing this. I’ll be using it to help me be aware and careful of how I’m using “should”s, especially with my daughters and myself.
I’m sending so much hope and love to your family for the new baby. And some extra for Joe and his arm— it’s been a long time to be one-armed!
Much love.
Only should I can ever offer anyone is whatever is right for you in the time that is right for you.. Anyone insisting that you conform your needs to their wishes/desires/methods can be politely (or not) to stick a size 10 in any chosen orifice and rotate. I do appreciate the Patreon though as I don’t think I’ll ever have the funds to go an event with in person lessons. I wish you and your family peace this holiday season and beyond.
Thank you for writing this. It reads like a really healthy response to reality, but even if it didn’t, it’s none of our business. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you and your family. Everyone else can shut it.
Dear Stephanie,
All I can do is offer virtual hugs to you and yours, and to wish that you all have the best holiday season you can find or make.
Love you and your blog & instagram, especially this post. Like you, I feel the weight of “shoulds”. I’m doing what makes me and my family happy, the best I can, trying not to fall to pieces from the weight of the past several years (it’s been a hell of a ride since March 2020!)
Wishing you and your family the best this holiday season and hoping for a happy new year!
Thank you Stephanie for this. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, but I feel privileged to have been invited into your living room blog. Thank you for sharing your family and your knitting and your cycling and your friends with me. Thank you for the tiny advent calendar knits that delight me, thank you for posting about struggles and sadness, thank you for posting about knitting blankets and hope. You do you. You’re doing it perfectly and imperfectly at the same time, just as we all are. Take such good care of yourself and your loved ones. (hugs)
I have missed your blog immensely, enough to have checked to see if I was missing posts. But I also have spent much less time online than I did before the pandemic hit, and started following you on Instagram. I wept with your sad posts and rejoiced with the glad ones. I remember when I lost family twice in one month, that I decided that I would handle things as they came and as I felt them, and not try to keep up appearances or some kind of “should be over this by now” schedule. I will accept the grace and gift of your posts whenever you feel the need to make them. From one knitting Stefanie to another knitting Stephanie
Well, I think you’re lovely. Your method of grandmothering Elliott is going to be my standard, since I just found out I’m going to be a grandma. I will make silly little strawberry Santas and lovely pancakes and knit lots and lots of stuff, even though the child will be all sweaty in Nashville. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
Congratulations, Grandma!
I haven’t read many of the comments so I imagine I’m saying the same as lots of them. I’m so sorry that you’ve been pressured. So often the saying “you do you” ( my DIL quotes it often. NOT offensively. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t do life any other way) seems to mean “but you should be doing me”. It’s ridiculous what people feel able to say to others. I hope you’ll be able to block out the knuckleheads and keep doing what you must. Also sorry Joe is still one armed. Seems like a long time!
It’s GREAT to hear from you.
May the solstice bring the dawning of great joy to you and yours <3
The best advice my mom gave me still holds true. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” No one knows your circumstances, but you. You do what works for you. MERRY CHRISTMAS and may 2023 be a better year for everyone.
I will read what you write wherever you choose to write it. You may make me laugh or cry or pray for that the trauma your family has experienced is at an end. You were the first knitter who gave me the freedom to not care what anyone thought about me knitting in public or the size of my stash or my knitting wheel in the living room. You freed my “care about what people think” when it comes to my knitting and I love you for that! Will patiently wait for your next post and for news of a healthy, beautiful, wool wrapped baby. Take care of yourself and your family in the way that feels right for you
Long time lurking reader here and I’d like to chime in my unconditional support. You, your family, your actual life are more important than the opinions of people with conditions on their appreciation of what you offer.
The joy of an aggregator/RSS feed/whatever it is that I use to read all of the blogs and websites I follow is that when you post I see it. When you don’t post, I see other things. Easy!!
Happy Holidays and my best to you, your fam, and the newest pending addition <3
Bright blessings. Carry on.
Steph, I think you are amazing. Many many people think you are amazing. What you do, is entirely up to you, and nobody else’s business. You are generous enough to let us into yours and your family’s life and we are grateful for all the marvellous reading and wonderful knitting that you give us.
Have a very happy Christmas x and lots of love to you and Meg and your granddaughter, and all the rest of your family.
”Should” is one of my least favorite words. I am thankful for any of your life and living room that I’ve been privy to. My kitchen floor is frequently sticky, and I am always so happy to read that yours is, too sometimes. Meg and I have had babies at very similar times. I can’t wait for this next one! Only love from this corner of the world!
Thank you for sharing your life with us for all of these years! I’m sending hugs and warm thoughts to you and your family. No advice, no complaints, only love and support for whatever you want to do, however you want to do it. There is no timeline for grief, it comes in waves. You are the expert on what you need not any of us. When in doubt, keep calm and knit on, or don’t…it’s up to you not us. 🙂
Well said and well done. Maybe we who appreciate you are too quiet too much of the time. Your written presence has been a positive force in my life for the past two decades. How can I be anything less than grateful for whatever way you’re able to do you at this point?
Love to your family, grace to you, and best wishes for all the light you can gather to your heart this holiday season. ❤️
Thank you for your comments on trauma. . . I am learning it does come in many shapes and sizes.
Thank you for all the parts of your life, family and knitting that you’ve shared with us over the years. I was delighted to meet you in 2019 at a Maine retreat (you kindly helped me improve my gauge and tidy my knitting). Not everyone says things of value – I am sure that you will continue to ignore those who tell you how to live your life.
Peace and blessings to you and yours as the Winter Solstice approaches – we could all use more daily sunshine.
I have no doubt you have many readers like me, knitters who quietly, non-problematically respect your autonomy, enjoy your posts and have never done any of these things to you — haven’t judged you or pressured you or “shoulded” on you. We don’t do that to anyone in our lives. But I didn’t see one sentence recognizing this. I’m actually quite shocked. For some of us going through our own struggles, it’s unwarranted and it’s hurtful.
agree
Are you kidding? That’s your response?
But you’re literally doing it right now, telling her what you think she should have written instead. And anyway, not judging people is the bare minimum of human kindness; we don’t need to be specially acknowledged for doing the basics. If you weren’t judging, then you’re not who she’s talking about.
Ahh, Stephanie. I’m sorry you’ve felt so much pressure from within yourself and from others. You do you. I’ve certainly missed you and been concerned about you. But at the end of the day, you have to live to the best of your ability, so you have the fewest regrets possible. Each of us has our own unique burdens to bear and all you can do is the best you know how to do. Please take good care of yourself, whatever that looks like and know I’m praying for you and all your loved ones. Have a blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year. I think you’re awesome!
“Being okay is our focus.”
Weighty and very wise words.
What each of us has to deal with is what each of us have to deal with, and we’ll get there when we get there.
I was concerned, like you do, when Life Gets Big and demanding all attention and feelings of someone you consider stellar. (That’s you) You’ve put the right words in the right place at the right time and been a balm for this knitter’s soul. Hoping I could return the favor somehow, which is why I’m here and just like when you haven’t seen a familiar face that makes you happy and you bump into each other, I’ll be happy and smiling when I see you here.
So sorry to hear Joe is still in a cast. Hoping that ends soon and he’s back in shape before sailing season.
A baby! So many emotions. Yes, all of them.
I hope when this new little appears, your hearts are filled to overflowing with joy.
There’s no lack of love or caring in your family or amongst your friends, and I consider it a blessing that the love and caring got passed on when you built the online extension to your living room and that there’s always room on the digital sofa for me.
Don’t be surprised if there’s a stack of digital casseroles and an assortment of digital baked goods when you get here-there we’re a few thousand of us here and we were eating our way through frogging brioche or colorwork strands that are felting from our tears of frustration. Just another day of knitting. And friends as far as your eyes can see.
No ‘shoulds’ from me!! Whenever and however you choose to share your life and your FABULOUS writing with us, I shall be happy and excited and grateful for the amazing gift you are giving us. No expectations, just real delight. Please continue to focus on you and your lovely family and do what you need to do. Your real friends will be more than happy to wait, to think of you and send you blessings, and to welcome you with open arms when you feel like popping in to that digital living room. In the meantime, have a lovely Christmas in the arms of your family, I hope the new arrival arrives safely and at the perfect time, and I send you every kind of blessings and warmth and hugs and gratitude.
I think you have your priorities exactly right – IMHO. Happy Christmas.
Hey Steph, You and your blog have gotten me through MANY years…. found you back when I was a sweet summer child who thought that because she started crocheting at 10 she could easily tackle the Weasley sweater from Charmed Knits as her first knitting project ever (persevered, with a lot of new curse words of course) way back in 2006.
The health stuff? In my book, that’s between you, your doctor, Joe, your kids and and their spouses.
Masking? up to you and what suits YOUR comfort level.
Here in the states RSV, Flu and COVID still run rampant. I’m vaxxed (even here in Texas I am still up to date on the boosters) and social distance. I had to tell a toddler that I thought he was adorable but I didn’t want to get too close because I didn’t want him getting sick and had to explain to his mom holding a newborn that my neighbor’s baby had RSV and I didn’t know if i was exposed.
We all handle trauma and whatever those monkeys walking around carrying an endless supply of wrenches to throw in our way the best we can with what we have at the time and THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT and NO “RIGHT” way to do it. Just what works for us.
I am following your instagram and hoping the new little addition to your family has a smooth sailing into this world and grows up healthy and happy as she is being born into a family full of love and support. You have a beautiful family who always seems to have each other’s backs no matter what wrenches the monkeys seem to throw your way.
❤❤❤
I always love reading anything you write, whenever I see it and wherever it is. Merry Christmas to you and yours 🙂
I’ve been reading your blog for many years, and I had the great pleasure of meeting you and learning from you in Port Ludlow pre-pandemic. I was going through a very difficult time when I met you, and I will always remember how kind and understanding you were. I am so sorry for all of the loss and trauma you and your family have experienced, and doubly sorry that you have felt pressured to feel and act a certain way. No one knows what is best except for you – and even that changes from day to day, even minute to minute I’m sure!! I miss you, and think of you, and hope you are well.
I was just telling my family a snippet about my late sister when she was interviewing for a job once. WHAT IS YOUR GOAL IN LIFE? (or equivalent thereof) the interviewer asked, and she replied TO KEEP IT TOGETHER!!
I am so grateful for everything you have shared over the years. Your writing has touched me, made me laugh and cry. You are truly talented! I wish you and yours peace, healing, love, health, clarity and joy!
Oh Steph. I feel all of this in my soul. Everyone has advice for situations that aren’t theirs. You do what you need to do for you and yours. I do miss you and I pop in from time to time, but I know that you’ll be here when your time and your heart allow, and that your family is and should always be first. We all grieve differently, and nobody gets to dictate when we “should” be done. Some things we will grieve for the rest of our lives, and rightly so. Sending you all my love.
One thing I’ve have learned in the during these last three,long years is……you have to do what feels right for you and your loved ones.
so stay the course, alter it ,turn around,,,,whatever works for you. Take care of yourself .
Wishing you and your family a joyous Holiday!!
Much support and love coming to you from a cold MA night!!!
Love you Stephanie. Wishing us all a very happy, healthy, comforting holiday season, whatever that means for each one of us. Take care 🙂
I think of you and your family often. Well said.
Yes. So much yes to all of this!
It has been such a long hard slog for so many people for so many different reasons (the introverted child in my house full of extraverts has had a hard go of it!)
Do what you need to do to get through each day as best you can. That’s it. That’s really all any of us can do.
I wish you as relaxed and happy a Christmas as you can have. Because that’s what I think everyone needs right now.
Love you, Harlot. Carry on.
I’m one of those people who was told “go home and stay home” in late February 2020. Over time, things loosen a little, but I’m still very restricted in what I can do, esp in germy public places.
From time to time, I’ve checked you blog and am always glad when there is a new post. When there isn’t, I hope you and your family are ok and the go do something else. I am glad that you are planning to keep this blog going, on your own terms. (I was worried as I was reading this post that you were gearing up to say good-by & I am so glad you aren’t!)
Thank you for deciding to keep this going in a way that works for you.
I wish I could put into words what I’m thinking and feeling right now. I’m sorry you’re being given so much unsolicited advice. Maybe your trauma isn’t the worst in the world, but it’s still horrible trauma, and you have to do what you have to do to survive and heal to the degree that healing is possible. No one gets to tell you how to do that.
I appreciate you sharing your life with us at all. You couldn’t pay me enough to do that! Do what works, and I’ll continue to be grateful.
Thank you for continuing to allow us into your living room. You are awesome. May the baby arrive happy and healthy. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season.
Thank you for this lovely, heartfelt post. I’ve never tried to do anything remotely like this courageous and revealing thing you do by blogging. I’ve always wondered how you do it, how you find the time, and how you create blog entries that are worthy of paid publishing. I feel inadequate as I try to find the words to express myself. I want to send hugs and love and good wishes for you and everyone you love. I thank you for all that you have given us so generously over the years – it’s been such a gift and I’ve appreciated every bit!
No one gets to tell you how you “should” feel. I’m a long-time blog reader and charter patreon patron. I’d give you a hug, but I know we don’t know each other In Real Life. I sometimes miss all the wonderful things you would have shared on your blog as Charlotte grew. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must still feel, making the wait for your next grandchild to be both joyful and scary. We’re both doing our best, Bob
Healing trauma and grief has no timeline. Congratulations on the upcoming addition to the family. I will continue to check the blog to see what is up.
We love you. Post when you can post what you want, and we will be very happy to read it.
I was afraid the gap was due to an obstetrical problem, so glad it wasn’t! Relax and enjoy your life, the Blog people are here for you.
Good on you Darling.
I am grateful you are not closing the blog. I have been following you on Instagram and haven’t been surprised you haven’t blogged in a while.
As a person who’s not a Patron, I’m just amazed that you continue to offer us a free seat on your sofa (that’s Chesterfield to you, I believe?).
Sadly, it’s usually people with something negative to say who comment, leaving the comments field inaccurately looking like “most” of us feel that way.
I was thrilled to check in to find a post, scared in the middle of it that this was a “goodbye” post, and as I say, incredibly grateful it wasn’t.
PS You don’t have to have an Instagram account to view someone else’s. And the month at a glance videos are so fun!
Blessings on you and yours.
Only and always love to you and yours.
I’m so disappointed that The Knitting Internet has shown you this ridiculous entitlement and judgmental nonsense. We are lucky to have anything you share with us, wherever and whenever and whatever you choose to share. I too was scared this was your “goodbye” post, and I’m so grateful it’s not — even though I would support and honor that too, if it was what you wanted.
Thank you for continuing to write here for as long as you want to, and I hope for rest and healing and warmth and all the good things for you and your family, for always.
So sorry you’re having to deal with those kinds of comments from the Blog. I’d blame a generalized acute Covid-related grouchiness, but I think the problem is deeper in our society than that and I’m not sure what the answer is.
Let me just say that I’ve missed your posts (not on instagram, twitter, facebook, etc) and I do check in here from time to time. But I recognize that you have a life and there have been significantly painful events in it over the last years, and you are entitled to some privacy. So for one, I’m here checking in periodically and I’m simply wishing you well.
I first started reading your posts back on the Knitlist, and I can’t begin to express my gratitude for your humor and perseverance over these many years. As an inexperienced knitter, in the beginning there were many times that I would have given up knitting entirely, thrown the mutating lace shawl in the driveway and run over it repeatedly with the truck, needles and all. But I continued, seeing that mistakes are part of the process and there are ways of correcting them. And sometimes, just working with it brings comfort during those really challenging times.
My very best wishes to you and your family. I hope all goes well and that your new little one will bring great joy all around. Take care, Steph. I’ll keep checking back periodically.
Yvonne in Bellingham WA USA
Please just be you. Whatever you can give us is wonderful. I just gifted my daughter with “Knitting Rules” & she was thrilled with finding you. You have another fan!
I have read your books, blogs and instagrams posts and have seen you in person. I feel grateful for your words, they make me laugh and cry. In the pandemic especially— I have not seen all of my dear friends, but see whom I can. It is just this way now, and hopefully not forever. Thank you for being with us, it really is all we can do right now, some days more than others. Thank you
Thank you Stephanie, for this post and everything! ❤️
I rarely (well, never) comment, because I never seem to have anything much to such that at least twelve people haven’t already said to you…but I’ve been reading very nearly since the beginning of the Blog, and despite many more than twelve people saying it, I wanted to pipe up as well. Thank you for sharing what you do, when you can. It’s good to see you around on Instagram and it’s lovely to get occasional longer updates here, and I wish you peace and luck in continuing to do your best.
Beautifully written!
And since I discovered your books and blog several years ago, my knitting life and parts of my life in general have changed for the better. So, from a grateful fan, you keep working to ignore the judgemental “shoulds” and keep being you.
Thinking about you, and Joe, and Ken, and the girls, and Erin, and Elliot, and Hank, and your mom, and Tupper, and Susan, and Charlotte, and loss, and cancer, and COVID, and grief, and love, and family, and the power of words, and the wisdom of modesty and knowing your limits, and doing your best, and the comfort there is in memory, and the words that you have shared about fiber, and the solstice, and the darkness and the light. None of that has gone anywhere, and it won’t. It’s a hard time we are in. Blessings to you and yours, and please know that you and your work are a blessing to others.
In the spirit of giving you what you have always given us, I’ll tell my 2022 xmas knitting story.
I wasn’t going to knit for xmas this year. Self-Talk: “You need to focus on work deadlines. You don’t have time for knitting. If you wanted to knit for xmas you should have done better at work so that you would have time for knitting now, but you didn’t so NO xmas knitting for you.” This is all true, but harsh and made me a little sad which just make being productive at work more difficult. Then I took a look at the “Box of knitted things that you make but never wear”…because really we all have our favorite things that we wear and then we don’t wear all the other things. It’s a pretty full box and all the stuff in there is quite lovely and sad to be unused. It is rather like the Island of Misfit Toys.
As I was exploring the box and taking a trip down memory lane of more relaxed and happy times when I knit all these things, I started assigning names to the things. Scarfs for the SILs and the niece, Cowls for the dudes, Hats for the friends, etc. I had almost of enough to do the thing proper. I just needed one hat for a friend and a nephew. And I happened to have two hat patterns that I can make bulky if I hold the yarn double and can probably finish them both in a weekend. One weekend of procrastinating work (which I want to do anyway) and xmas is done and my Box of Unused Knits is released into the world to new homes! I knit like the wind! With superwash, so washing and blocking (aka drying in the drier) went super-fast also. Now all things are wrapped and in the mail on their way to their new homes. I forgot to take a picture of one of the new hats. Dammit!
I feel pretty good about xmas now. We are not going anywhere for xmas because of work obligations and while that kind of stinks it is super cold here, so we have to stay home to make sure we don’t lose our home to frozen pipes and what not. So it is ok. We will make cheese toasties for xmas dinner and that will be fun. Also, I made a little mini gnome to start an advent calendar for my niece. I am totally stealing your idea and mimicking your pattern to the best of my abilities. I wanted to do that for this year, which didn’t happen but I have a start on the project for next year!
Happy Holidays Steph! Thanks for what you said about trauma. I needed to hear all of that.
Thanks for latest posts, and all others. I wish you and all your family a Happy Christmas and good things in 2023. BIG HUG! Maureen
Thank you for being yourself.
Seeing a new blog post from you gives me a tingle of excitement. Always enjoy reading anything you write and drooling over everything you knit/spin/weave. You are a gentle and creative soul; we are lucky you share your writing with us, whenever you can. Take care of yourself and family first and know that you are loved by us all.
It’s wonderful to read your blog again! Thank you for posting. Welcome, too, to the grandbaby. Sending many wishes that all is well in your world.
Just stopping by the comments to drop off some unconditional love for you and your family.
Thank you for all you share and I appreciate your truth & honesty. I’ve had the pleasure of taking your classes in the past and am a Patreon member. Please do what you need to do for yourself and your family. ❤️
Love you Steph, and sending hugs and light. Like all the rest, I will be here to read when you write again, whenever that is. Best wishes for the baby!
Nancy
For this holiday, I wish all the best: light, love, and the most glorious of gifts, life. I hope that Eliot is a big brother again, that a new rainbow baby has entered the lives of your family, that peace and goodwill fill your lives. Here is hoping for a much more peaceful New Year.
My life would be sadder without this blog. Grayer. Lacking in a special nuance or shade of colour I didn’t know existed.
Whether words overflow the floodgates or trickle like an arid wee creek in the desert, I drink it all in eagerly and feel a great thirst has been slaked when I do.
xo
For those of us who have been readers for a while, it comes as no surprise for us to say, “We miss you.” Even though it’s only an online thing, and perhaps bonkers, The Blog feels like a friendship. It’s massively true, though, that coming back from trauma can take a while. Firstly, there’s no manual for it; you just have to give it a go and do the best you can. Secondly, you cry a lot. It’s hard to be “fun” when you’re crying a lot. Thirdly, you’re not the same person you were before, and you’re never going to be.
I think everyone who has honestly looked into the face of their own trauma understands where you are.
We miss you. We hope the days ahead are filled with joy for you. We understand. We are happy for the days and trips and events you had this year that were good for you, and we send love out to your family on the other side of cyberspace.
Well said.
Every single one of us has had something horrible or isolating or frightening or sad happen over the past couple of years and yep, we are all just doing the best we can. One foot in front of the other. Nothing to prove to anyone.
If the last couple of years have taught me anything, it is that I have to do things my way and if you don’t like it, you can shove it up your arse. I’ve got more important things to worry about than “you”.
I hope the new baby arrives safely and brings with her/him much joy.
Bravo. Thanks for sharing this, and your living room with us. Sending love and good vibes.
While I have been disappointed as posts become fewer, I have kept that to myself, as it is none of my business, my blog, or my audience. I am glad that the blog still exists to reference, and I hope it will stay that way, whatever you end up doing. I hope that soon, you will have more opportunity to post again, and if you don’t, then thanks for all the years. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and that Meg has a healthy, happy, beautiful baby.
One of the most important things I learnt in some hard therapy was to remove should from my vocabulary.
You don’t owe us anything, we will be here if and when it’s right for you otherwise I’ll see you on Instagram and Patreon.
Best wishes for the new baby and for you all in what I’m sure is going to be a very beautiful but scary and stressful time xx
Love and peace to you and your family. ❤️
Blessings on the upcoming baby. They are truly blessings!
See you when we see you!
Oh Steph, I was so sorry – and appalled – to read this post. Sometimes people just suck. I’m glad you haven’t officially closed the blog. It’s always like a little treat when I look and there’s something here, even if (especially if) it’s been a long time since the last one. Keep doing what you’re doing and I hope we hear some good baby news soon. Xxx
As a parent and public school teacher, I often say, “all we can do is out best.” It won’t please everyone, but if it’s our best, we can rest assured that we’ve given it our all. As a public figure, you’re under more scrutiny than most, and I respect how you manage. You do what’s best for you and your fam!
You can ‘should” all over yourself, or let others do it to you–or not. Yes, I missed you and yes, I really do understand grief and trauma and no, I don’t think you “should”,
I’ve been a reader of the blog for a very long time, and I support whatever you feel you need to do for you and your family. The pandemic turned life upside down for many of us, and you all had the terrible loss of wee Charlotte. Sending you wooly ❤️ across the interwebs.
Thank you for being you and… just thank you.
Thank you, Stephanie, for all that you do, where you want to do it, when you want to do it. Weird that people think this window into knitting, family, cooking, bike rally/fundraising and twinkly lights gives them a right to tell you what to do.
I have loved all about you since reading At Knits End. You are a treasure. Continue to show yourself grace.❤️
Love you!
Love ya, knitter. xoxoxox
In the moments of self-doubt between the musts and the shoulds, I square my shoulders, breathe deeply and think of you.
Every time.
You were there years ago when I needed an example of quiet strength.
Thank you.
Fk the haters, you do you, carry on, and all that.
Sending XXX OOO.
Thank you for writing this post. I felt this much more than I expected. Knowing that we are not alone in our feelings is so important. I love what you choose to share so openly with us. Please continue to take care of you and yours in the best way you see fit and when you are able to let us in your living room again I will count that as a blessing. XOXO
Love it, love you, and am glad you model healthy behavior, boundaries, and priorities! Xo
Good Lord, Steph. I had no idea that random people put that much pressure on you. Wow. Like you said, it’s your living room/blog and you can do (or not do) what the (bleep) you want. Just one aside: I would miss you if you went away. No pressure, just that. I love you and I’m looking forward to seeing you in June. If you pop up here now and then, it’s a bonus. ❤️
You go girl! You do you and ignore the rest, they don’t matter! ❤️
My therapist always said, “Don’t ‘should’ all over yourself.”
i love your blog as it is – funny, honest, open, knitting derring-do, family love and tragedy – all of it. The voice that is uniquely YOU comes through and we love it.
Praying for your new grandbaby!
love you Stephanie 🙂
Hi Steph from Austrlalia. Been following you a very long time. For what it’s worth, just know I’ve loved every single word that you’ve written.
I am so grateful that you have not retired to a private life. That’s my fear. I have met you at the second Sock Summit, once at Port Ludlow, and at a book signing in Arizona. And I’m a Patreon.
This thoughtful discussion of how the public react to you is exactly why I “follow” you. I have read most of these comments and see I am far from alone.
I’m not a writer, but I’m thinking, do what makes you happy. Thank you for all you do.
Sharing piles of love for you and yours, from Newberg, Oregon. xoxoxoxo
First, we do LOVE you back. So weird in a way to say to someone I’ve never met in person. Anyway. Second, thank you so much for (basically) saying that “my life, who cares what others think?” is really selfish! It’s a popular mantra, but the truth is that its no way to live in love with other people.
The blog – well, times change, and many bloggers I used to read have disappeared or gone to other forums. Lives change and so does technology. I’m happy to support whatever you do because you have taught me a lot about knitting. And other things. Please just know I’m thankful. I for one will keep plugging along in ways that make sense to me, and so will you.
I know negative voices resonate much more strongly in our brains, but there are so very many of us who enjoy your writing and support your right to blog on your own terms. I hope one day you will circle back to us, and in the meantime, we will miss you! Best wishes to you and your family
As many have said – You Do You!! we love anything you are willing to share and look forward to seeing how your lovely family are! Whatever you feel comfortable sharing or saying know that there are many of us who just wish you well!!
You do your best to do what you can. I love to hear from you when you can manage. On whatever platform
I’m so glad you’ve kept your online living room partly open at all during the pandemic and that you’re willing to share what you have. A therapist once told me when I was in despair that “my shoulds are misbehaving” — but it seems to me you’ve got a pretty good handle on yours. Wishing you a wonderful new year, full of exactly the kind of work and visitors you want. And huge congratulations on the new grandbaby!
Well said and happy to read it. Wishing you and yours all the best always.
Hugs to you from very long time reader
Glad you told us where you’re at.
Always glad to hear from you on the blog but if we don’t, I’ll assume you’re busy with living your life.
Happy(ier) 2023 and best wishes to you and yours!
Finding a new blog entry is like a little present left for me.
I think you’re marvellous.
I admit I have missed your blog, but, I also know that life happens and it is so very important to live the life. I will be here whenever you can blog. Live the life. Looks like you had a wonderful holiday season. Now a new baby…live the life. ❤️ Oh, and when I really missed the blog, I started re-reading your books. The water balloons in the house story is a favorite….
Boom Good for you
You do whatever you need to do. Don’t listen to those who want to boss you around. Hugs and kisses!
Everyone deserves grace, most of all from themselves. This is lovely. Thank you.
You are so lovely Steph. And your creativity makes the world a better place, whether it’s knitting or writing or those gorgeous loaves of bread. You are the only one who gets to decide which part of the world gets your love and creativity. And the most important thing is to prioritize your own mental health and the wellbeing of your family. I’ve always felt like your blog was more of a friendship than simply great content. And friendships grow and change and shift and pause and even end. All of that is ok and I wouldn’t want you to feel you need to explain or live up to anything except your own intuition of what is right for you.
I’ve been stopping by pretty frequently over the past few months, but I could see that all you could muster was a wave from the porch (tweet/insta). I’m happy I was able to come in and share a cuppa and we could chat about what’s been going on. And it has been hard. But here we are, starting new baby sweaters, and checking in. Thanks for letting me spend a little time with you and sharing your wisdom 🙂
I’m so sorry people have put so much pressure on you. I’m so appreciative that you’ve chosen to share parts of your life with us. Please know that we support you and love you as you are!!!
What a treasure you are Stephanie, your writing always touches me and makes me laugh at the same time, it’s a wonderfully warm feeling that you gift to me and clearly to a lot of others too. Thank you for being you and for being around here as and when it suits you, J xxx
Another one here to just thank you for being you. My only regret is that we don’t live closer!
There will be no “shoulds” from me, Steph. I’ll be here when you have the time and desire to write.
Oh, friend. We are sisters under the skin. I, too, have had a hell of a year. I, too, am doing the hard work of figuring out what I need in order to heal amidst the clamor. (Thank God for therapy.) I can’t know your pain, but I can empathize. Know that you are not alone.
My best friend knows she will almost never see me, I will almost never call. I will text here and there, or pop up on her doorstep randomly, and we catch up. She and I have been the best of friends for over 44 years, and neither of us counts how often the meetings are. The love never stops.
Hang in there. I’m wishing your family all the best. See you when I see you.
I would, for a moment, and for what it is worth, like to speak in favor of “not caring what other people think.” As someone who has for most of her life been considered a freak, I learned early not to care what others think or I would not be able to get through my childhood alive. I do, hpwever, care a lot about how others *feel*, and try my hardest not to cause pain or distress and do my best to repair any I may have caused.
As to what other people *think*, I take it under advisement, from friends and family, anyway. Random people on the internet, who know nothing of me or my circumstances…no. I do not care what they think because they don’t know what they are talking about.
Do the best you can, and only you can speak to what that is. I hope you and your family continue to do well.
At the risk of seeming insensitive for not echoing all the other supportive comments, I just want to say what I would want to read if I were in your place: I don’t like to knit with alpaca, either.
Word!
Fuck shoulds. They come from dangerous territory that we do not want to be colonized by. In the millenia that I have followed you from the beginning, you have always modeled doing what your heart says is best for all involved and the path of least harm, most good. I don’t expect less from you now. You are not here at my pleasure. If anything, we owe you for modeling hope and possibility. Fuck. Shoulds. They can all kick rocks on the road next over.
It’s been so hard, hasn’t it? Love to you and your family.
Hey Steph. I didn’t see this until today, but I believe I was meant to see it today. This post is bang on, and I thank you. I’m doing my best too. Happy New Year, to you and your family.
Sorry you’re getting “shoulded” upon. We’re your guests and I’m happy to “visit” whenever you feel like having company. Thank you for sharing what you can.
Just ran across this post. For the record, I would follow you wherever I find you and try to be pleasant in doing so. I admire your talent, fortitude, and I will say it: brilliant take on knitting, family, friends, and life in general. Put me down in the I ‘like YarnHarlot’ column. I send all my good thoughts your way.
I lost my mom 32 years ago. I was a child when she died so I could not process it fully at the time. It has been really helpful to me to hear how you process grief. I’m sorry that you have had to endure so much loss, but I thank you for sharing.
I’ll be 69 in two weeks, and it’s taken me the better part of my adult life to stop listening to the Shoulds, or feeling bad about what they say. Now when someone starts a sentence by saying, “You know, you should…” I hold up my hand and thank them for the forthcoming advice, but that if I need some advice I will ask. That doesn’t help in the virtual realm, however, and I am sorry that you have had to deal with so much of it. As others here have said, I appreciate your presence here on your blog when you are here, and I love seeing you on Instagram. It’s all good! You have an amazing family and you share so much of your lives with strangers. I appreciate it all. Hugs to you and your family
Thank you for modeling this for us!!
An important life lesson!
Grateful that you share as much as you do with us.
As much as I miss you, you should do what’s right for you and your family. I will be here if and when you are ready. If that’s never, I will look back on your blog as something that helped me through hard times (breastfeeding a newborn through the night appropriately). I’m grateful for the good memories and I send you and yours good wishes.
I have to admit, I have missed you and your living room immensely. AND, I totally get 5hat life has been challenging for the last few years. (How did 3years pass like this!?!)
Any way, glad to hear from you and thinking about you and the family often. Sending you and yours warm wishes
Dear Stephanie,
Quite honestly, I feel that you don’t owe us anything. I am very grateful for your blog, with your wise and wry insights on life, knitting, and the universe. I am grateful for your willingness to share your life and knitting with us, and miss seeing you post quite often, but also understand that things ebb, and flow, and change.
Even though I haven’t knit very much at all for the past several months, I’m still a Patreon supporter because I feel it’s the right thing to do, and when I am ready to knit again, it will still be there, with all of your wonderful videos and tutorials, and wisdom and humor, and maybe I will successfully knit a sock again for the first time in several years.
In the mean time, please take care of yourself. I was so very happy to read about Abigail’s arrival, and remain grateful for everything you have so generously shared with us.
All the best and good wishes,
Jen from Washington, DC
You have put into words what I have sometimes thought about all the advice freely given. What is right for one person isn’t right for the next. So you pick out what works best for you, and when it is right, feel free to let us visit with in the living room.
Take care and find out what works best for you.
Kathy
Thank you for writing this post. I felt this much more than I expected. Knowing that we are not alone in our feelings is so important.
My mama, a very wise woman, always said “Don’t should on yourself, and don’t let anyone else should on you either!”
Oh, pffft! I have lots of ideas about what other people should do. I try to keep them to myself.
My friend had sign on the door of her shop which read, “RIXATRIX: we do whatever the hell we want to do”.
Happy Spring.
Ellen in Conn., now in Mass.
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So glad to read you’re doing what you need to take care of yourself. At some point early in the pandemic, I completely forgot about reading my blogs, after what, 15 years of it? I remember coming to one of your book tours outside of Boston, ages ago.
I hope the coming year is easier for you & yours
I appreciate you writing this article. I’m feeling this a lot more than I thought. It is crucial to understand that we are not alone in our emotions.
I used to write a blog and also rushed to read comments like the author – then my mood dropped like playing Drift Boss well but accidentally turned the steering wheel wrong, falling off the cliff. Always trying to please the readers, eventually lost myself. From that I understood: not everyone likes me, and like Drift Boss , I have to focus on my steering wheel first.
Great piece — I loved how you openly shared the challenges, the “shoulds” vs. the “musts”, and the idea that simply doing your best is enough. At AimGrip , we believe in embracing authenticity over perfection, and your words beautifully echo that.
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly messing up? I definitely do! I once accidentally sent a company-wide email meant for my boss only; the embarrassment was unreal, but I learned from it. Has anyone else had a similar experience? At least I wasn’t trapped in a pizzeria with murderous animatronics like in five nights at freddy’s .
I deeply empathize with your experience. The pressure of “shoulds” after trauma can be incredibly paralyzing. It’s so important to prioritize your own well-being and navigate each day without the added burden of external expectations. Sometimes, simply focusing on the present moment, without worrying about how things “should” be done, is the most empowering path forward.
If you’re looking for a gentle way to unwind and de-stress, I’ve personally found the Suika Game quite soothing. It’s a simple puzzle game that can be a welcome distraction when you need a mental break.