Abigail Carol Wolf was born early in the morning on the last day of 2022.
Her birth was lovely, quiet and peaceful, another beautiful waterbirth for Meg, and another birth I was privileged to attend. She – individually as a person, as an isolate being in time apart from all other things brought me nothing but pure happiness. Her safe arrival and the safety of Meg were a relief that felt like bricks were being lifted from me.
I know I haven’t spoken much here about Charlotte’s death, and I don’t think I will either – it was an intimate and terrible time that’s kept in the hearts of the people who lived that night and the days and weeks afterwards. That experience and its traumatic events somehow became then entangled with the unfolding pandemic and its isolation and to say we are changed would be an understatement. Some wounds – even once they are healed, just leave scars.
We knew this leading up to Abigail’s birth, that we were scarred and frightened people, and that it wasn’t going to be an easy time for any of us, but Meg and Alex especially, of course. For all of us the idea of putting her down to sleep was unimaginable. The idea that something might happen to her or that Meg would have to endure something more wasn’t anything my grandmothers heart could seem to manage, and I know her parents were certainly more scared than I was.
After speaking with grief counselors and mental health professionals, we came up with a plan. It was loose, but it was a plan, and it was this: As a family and a team we were going to do whatever it took for everyone to feel as safe as possible for as long as it needed to happen. I know. It’s a plan that was a little loose on the details.
The day Abigail was born – so was her team, and our willingness as a family to lean into each other and this experience has been one of the most amazing periods of my life. After her birth Megan, Alex, Elliot and Abigail came here to live with us, and for the first sixteen days of her life, around the clock, day and night… at every moment… we held Abigail.
We watched her breathe, we touched her sweet cheeks. We supported each other and passed her off from loving arms to loving arms as we each got too tired or needed sleep. Meg would tend her while she was awake, then when she wanted to sleep, her father would take her. When he got tired, Alex would wake Joe, Joe would wake me, I’d wake Alex again, and all of us would trot her immediately to her mother if she made so much as a peep.
While our first goal was always to take care of Meg and Abigail, so much more happened. We cooked, we talked, we cried and told each other what we were afraid of. We supported Elliot as he worked through his own fears for his sister and every one of us was gentle, and kind and grateful and scared. Each one of us held that wee sweetness in the night and smelled her hair and breathed her in, and willed her with our own steadiness. Please be able to stay, please stay.
Shortly after Charlotte died, another baby was born in our family and from our place of grief we couldn’t figure out how those people could possibly be relaxed. We asked and were told that they had been frightened, but that after a few days it had been so clear to them that the baby was healthy that they’d relaxed and stopped worrying. Maybe, we thought, maybe that will happen to us.
It didn’t, or I guess it would be fairer to say it hasn’t. Maybe it’s coming, but so far Abigail’s hearty good health just seems so irrelevant. Charlotte was perfect too, and it was no protection.
Around the two week mark, we started talking about what would happen next. How long could we keep doing this? How long is it realistic to live this way? Every time it came up the answer was the same. As long as it takes. We can do this as long as it takes, and until we are all ready. Over the next nights, deciding that we were kinda sorta ready (or as ready as we ever would be) Alex started putting Abigail down, but still watching her as she slept. When he needed to sleep she got passed off to me or her Poppy, and we still stayed awake and held and rocked her. Over a few more nights we transitioned to sleeping when she slept. None of us were forced, none of us were pushed. If any one member of Team Abigail didn’t feel ready for a next step, it wasn’t taken until we were all there. (Joe and I are immeasurably grateful that Alex and Megan gave us this gift.) Each one of us (including Ellie) were allowed the time and the space to work through everything we needed to without judgement or pressure, and in return, we all did the best we could.
I know that some of you reading this will think we’re bananas. I know that because there are people in our real life who think we’re bananas, and I kinda see it. We’re talking about a team of people sleeping in shifts to prevent something unpreventable but this has all made so much sense to all of us and in my heart I know that supporting my child as she learns how to live after loss, as this family learns how to live with this sort of fear has made so much more sense than asking people to buck up – to even expecting myself to buck up. That first night, if you’d have told me that I was to put Abigail in her bed and walk away you’d have had more luck convincing me that I should leave her in a snowbank. The idea terrified me, and no amount of therapy, good thinking or resolve has changed that. This time we’ve spent together though, not only did it feel like the only right plan for us, it also turned out to make it possible to have something other than the fear – to be able to enjoy Abigail and celebrate her as much as we have been. Oddly, this bananas plan has ended up with everyone being the least bananas.
Last night we had a lovely dinner together and thanked each other for this remarkable time, and today after 22 days in the embrace of the team, Meg and Alex and Elliot and little Abbie went home to all sleep in their own beds, and I am not going to say that all of us feel safe, but I am saying we all feel ready, and I am so proud of Meg and Alex.
Someday when she is big enough, I look forward to telling Abigail the story of her first few weeks, and how very loved she is, and how far the gift of her life inspired us to go for her.
* Honourable mention to our sweet Amanda who isn’t in the team picture, but was here almost every night for dinner, for every phone call, for all we needed. We couldn’t have done it without her.
**I’ll post about Abigail’s blanket soon.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you God.
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Thank you for sharing.
I second that. Beautiful story, beautiful family .
What a beautiful family you all are.
Stephanie — Thank you for sharing both the joy and the fear, and for being so open about how vulnerable you all feel. Above, congratulations and a million rejoicings!
I kept wiping away tears of joy as I read your sharing of this very special time with your beautiful family. Blessings to all of you and welcome to a world of love little Abigail!
Welcome to this world, sweet Abigail. May you remain happy and healthy and loved by all.
Congratulations to all and indeed welcome to a world of love for Abigail. Lots of tears reading this post, I can only imagine the emotion for all of you. Thank you for sharing this joyous time. Rest when you can.
I cried when she was born, and I hoped and prayed that she would be healthy and you would all be okay. This is the most perfect solution to that trauma, and im so glad you worked through it together. Welcome, little sweetheart. You are so loved.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and strength. I kept thinking as I read, “What tremendous love.”
Congratulations on Abigail’s birth! This is so beyond wonderful to read. I am so happy that you could do this for all of you!
That is not banana. That is love.
Thank you for this inspirational portrait of a family moving forward together. You’re not bananas. May Abigail prosper in every way. Thank you for sharing your story.
I totally agree; that’s not bananas, it’s just doing what had to be done to make you feel safer.
Love to your whole family, Stef; the photos are lovely – thank you for sharing them.
Totally agree that this is love personified. Not bananas at all.
Imagine every child being born into so much love and family vigilance. Imagine every mama being so supported. It has to be like dropping from your warm, safe uterine cocoon into a cozy, nest of hearts and wooly blankets. This is the best idea ever.
Yes it is. Imagine. So lovely. Not bananas.
I can’t stop crying! This is a story of true and unconditional love by a family forever committed to the welfare and safety of each other. It’s beautiful beyond words. Thank you so much for sharing with us. It touches us all in the most positive way.
This is so beautiful and such a magnificent example of love in action. Thank you for sharing it with us, and continued prayers for you all. XOXO
That’s so not bananas. That’s love, and caring, and, oh, even so much more. ( grateful for the tissue in my pocket)
What an incredible amount of love. Thank you for sharing it with us, it’s incredibly moving.
Wonderful, wonderful news Team Bananas❤️
Not bananas. Family love rock stars. Not that it matters a bit what I think. I am so happy for you all.
Your family has been a part of our lives for such a long time, we feel your joy and your sorrow. We are expecting a new baby soon too and I know how anxious we all are feeling as the due date approaches. I loved your solution to ease your minds, and what a lovely way to spend those first few weeks,
This was the absolute right thing to do.
Congratulations on Abigail’s birth!
Health happiness and love!!! Welcome to the world Abigail!! Huge world of strangers love you!!
Whatever it takes!
Thanks so much for your post and the gorgeous photos.
Welcome Abigail!
Thank you for posting this.
I realize I don’t know any of you. But knowing what had happened with Charlotte, I wondered how you all were doing, coping, getting through those first days, weeks. Because, as you said, there is no guarantee, no true safeguard against the unthinkable.
So thank you, thank you, for letting us know how you all are doing, how you all are getting through this. There is no forgetting Charlotte, ever, but there is room in your hearts and lives for Abigail. I wish you all a lifetime of happy days and nights.
All five of my kids slept in my arms for naps and at night until we were both ready to sleep apart. Except my last who I forced out when she was three because she’s a kicker! They’re only babies for a little while and I firmly believe in holding them as much as possible until they’re ready to start having some time to move around on their own. Good for y’all for doing what’s best for your family!
So beautiful! ” Please be able to stay, please stay.” That made me cry. What a wonderful idea.
If that’s bananas, then I want to be bananas for the rest of my life. You did what you needed to do for your mental health and the idea came out of (some fear but mostly) love. Love for your daughter, your son-in-law and your grandson. How can anything be bananas about that. What a tremendous thing you all did for each other and I am in awe. Absolute awe. Much happiness to all of you, and hopefully some peace as the weeks pass. And some sleep….love you all.
I see and appreciate the vulnerability, the fear, the daily worry for the unknown. But I also see a tribe of fierce Mama Bears, each and every one of you, determined to protect this new little one in any and every way possible. And what an example to Ellie, who is now also a Mama Bear in his own right, of the amount of love in this family he calls his own. Won’t it be wonderful as Abbie grows old enough to talk, to discover what she remembers of her first weeks here.
P.S. Can’t wait to read the story of the blanket.
I completely understand how you felt and still feel. I would have done exactly the same. I would lay down my life for my children and grandchildren
You are not bananas and I can’t stop wiping tears. Your daughter is so lucky to have you all and your love. Hopefully you will all start to heal. My daughter had a little device that clips onto the front of the diaper and it had an alarm so if the baby so much as held their breath for a few seconds an alarm went off. Made her feel more comfortable. Something to think about. I wish you and your family nothing but love. Enjoy her. They are a gift from god.
What a gift for your family and for Abigail! Nice work in figuring out what worked for you! Here is to a smooth transition for all parties that have been part of Abigail’s care.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It gladdens my heart to see how brave you all were to do just exactly the thing that felt right to you. What started with fear blossomed into so much more, strengthening all of you in so many ways. Abigail was given a gift that will last through generations. Love.
That’s the most perfect plan. I’m so relieved and so very, very happy for all of you. Much love. ❤️
I’m so glad for you all. Thank you for this slice. Peace.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m another crier here. It’s NOT bananas, it’s practical action to solve the problem of fear in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s simple, and it’s brilliant. Congratulations to everyone involved.
same
Nothing “bananas” about this. It’s an amazing story of love and healing and resilience. It’s what a family should do for and with each other. Thank you for sharing.
This is the least bananas thing I have ever heard. So happy for you all that you could support each other this way. Thank you for sharing with us.
I don’t think you’re bananas but you sure do seem like a lovely bunch. So much love from a random in New Jersey.
This is the least bananas plan I can imagine x
Stephanie,
Charlotte’s death affected even folks you’ll likely never meet. I cried so hard over that loss and the grief that was thrust upon all of you. Your blog answers things I’d wondered while following your IG posts: how are you mentally/emotionally, do you have professional support, and how do you ever just relax—or do you?? Thank you for sharing your journey. It’s such a vulnerable thing to voice our worst fears, and I admire how you’ve done that in community as a family. I’ve “followed” you for years—reading your books and listening on CDs well before we had all these forums—and “love” you now more than ever. All the best to each of you as you treasure this new life.
Thank you for this post. It brought tears to my eyes too. What a lucky little girl Abigail is!! I always tell new mothers that what babies need most is to be held. I don’t think you are bananas, in fact I think to put her down to sleep those first days would have been bananas. Love those matching brother and sister sweaters!
Abigail is beautiful and precious. I have nothing but respect for you and your family. Team Abigail is a wonderful thing. Enjoy every minute. Wishing you peace.
A perfect plan!
You are so clearly not bananas! What a beautiful loving amazing family! You are all amazing humans. Thank you for sharing your story.
Dear Team Abigail, I think it’s safe to say that collectively we’ve all been holding our breath for your family.
So proud of your family.
This is utterly beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
And no, you’re not bananas. You did what you needed to.
This feels so not bananas. I’m in awe of the intuitive love and strength that you have for each other. And for your gift of sharing the story. Much love to you and all the family.
Thank you for this post. I have been holding my breath waiting for the “all clear!” from Team Abigail. Such great photos and fabulous knitwear. Can’t wait to hear about the blanket.
Bananas in the best possible way.
Bananas are high in potassium, which (among other things) helps to maintain normal blood pressure.
Which is hard to do, when you are stressed and anxious and excited all at the same time.
What an amazing, completely bananas plan, and an amazing way to make sure everyone is as ok as possible with all of it.
I can’t think of a better way to work through these monumentally intense emotions for each of you, than to spend the slow quiet hours watching her breathe, each inhalation and exhalation another reassurance, another layer of positive moments in time. And to sleep when it’s your turn, knowing that she is safe and someone else is healing, too.
Sending much love to all. Every day.
This was so beautifully written and NOT bananas. We all do what we have to do to protect our family and you have clearly done that.
God Bless little Abigail
I think this is immeasurably beautiful. Your family is so wonderful to have come up with this perfect plan together. I love that the goal was for everyone to feel safe. How much would our world change if we approached more situations with this goal in mind? I know it cannot be made to work in every endeavor, throughout all the world…but I feel so much hope for humanity in knowing that in one small corner, there was one family who loved and cared so deeply for one another that they conceived and succeeded at something so pure and good. Thank you for sharing your lives with us! Welcome Abigail!
not at all unreasonable. TBH I think this is how humans used to do things. We didn’t always have cribs but we did always have people who could help. I think about your family often and hold you in my heart as well.
Not bananas. Beautiful, little baby girl. I’m truly happy for all of you.
I could hardly read for crying.
I think this was wise, and wonderful, and what you all needed to do.
We are all pulling for Abigail to stay. Stay. Stay.
Love to her and her whole team, present, absent, wherever.
Your story is love. Family holding each other up. There is nothing bananas here. This is strength and courage to do whatever it takes to support each other. With the gentlest and strongest love Thankyou for sharing
Such a loving and healing time for all of
you. The collective wisdom in your family is something for us all to learn from. Welcome, Abigail!
My eyes are leaking reading your beautifully tender words. What a beautiful beginning to Abigail’s little life!
Congratulations and best wishes to everyone on Team Abigail! Your love and support of each other is a treasure.
Thank you! Congratulations!
Margieinmaryland
PS do Abigail and Elliott have matching sweaters?
What an absolutely genius, brilliant and thoughtful plan you all came up with. It’s amazing the solutions we can engineer when we actually listen, and hear, each other. I read this to my husband and we sobbed at all of it. The grief. The lovely way you all safeguarded Abigail and welcomed her to the world in such a heroic way. And the way you all came together for the good of your family ❤️
Team Abigail. Bananas for the win! This is brilliant and thank you so much for sharing. Pure love and outside the box. Reading this (and the previous “should” post) brought a lump to my throat. Welcome, little lamb (and yes, stay!)
What a beautiful gift for all of you, and a lovely way to move through a terrifying time.
Thank you for sharing a peek into the journey that your family has traveled.
God bless you and your Team
Amd- For sharing with us
Thank you
What a wonderful way for you all to share the support you needed to get through this. You all validated each other’s emotions and found a way to create a postpartum time that allowed all of you to relax more and enjoy this very special time for a family. How clever of all of you! I wish I could wrap you all up in a big hug.
Doesn’t seem at all bananas to me. Seems like a reasonable and well-thought out (well felt-out?) plan. Good job, team. <3
I’m in tears reading this. Thank you so much for sharing your stories <3
I particularly love the matching sweaters the kids are wearing!
This is just the most beautiful thing, thank you for sharing how you’ve all managed. Such a lovely compassionate working through it all, and for Elliott too. ❤️
Not at all bananas. So happy for your family. And wishing you all so much joy with Abigail.
I “get” every word of this, every choice, every emotion.
You are about as far away from bananas as you can be. All of you, your entire family, are pure love.
Continue to be safe and healthy and whole. Together. And thank you for sharing all of this. You would be amazed at how many of us have taken your journey as personally as family. We send you our love.
I am a mental health therapist and I currently work with individuals impacted by perinatal/postpartum mental health concerns. This often includes loss in its many forms. This story, your team, is the most beautiful thing. I love the way that you have shown up for each other and honored each other’s needs following loss. Much love to all of you as you continue to navigate this time together.
This is such a wonderful thing you have done. Thank you for sharing such intimate times with all of us. I wish little Abigail and her loving family all the best as she grows up.
This is so wonderful. Thank you for sharing it all with us. I am so grateful that you could talk with grief counselors and mental health professionals and come up with this wonderful plan for your team. It does not matter if it seems bananas to anyone; it doesn’t even matter if it is in fact bananas. Whatever it takes for you all to heal, and/or function through the scars. I am so glad to hear about this wonderful team, and all the love Abigail has.
Not bananas at all! I think it is a beautiful, perfect solution. And a wonderful gift from all of your family to each of you. Thanks for sharing.
I think this is lovely and so important that you all honored your feelings in this way. Hugs to all of you, including Baby Abigail and the memory of dear baby Charlotte.
I’m wiping away tears as I read your blog and the posts after it. If you are all bananas then we need more bunches in the world. Bring on the bananas! May you ALL be blessed and especially little Abigail, welcome to the bunch.
Peace and blessings
You did the absolute right thing in taking care of Abigail and yourselves! Sometimes the only way to get through a scary time is to, well, get through it with all the tools you can gather. Speaking as a therapist, I applaud what you’ve done in giving yourselves this gift. Speaking as a mother, I say Of Course this was a perfect way to help yourselves and also to welcome Abigail! Congratulations on the perfect love, perfect job you did, and perfect new little life!
Beautiful. You all make a great team.
My family experienced a traumatic birth injury, the chances of which were literally the same as being struck by lightning. The thing is, when you’ve been struck by lightning, you now know it *can* happen to you no matter how unlikely. It doesn’t help to tell us “the odds of X happening are so low.” Our minds know that, they do, but our hearts remember viscerally what it feels like to be that one. No amount of logic changes that. And so sometimes we have to be a little bananas to be able to keep moving forward.
What a beautiful family you are. I can’t imagine doing it any other way, and it was exactly what I thought you might do. Thank you for sharing such a lovely and intimate snapshot of your family’s love.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing a little something here that I’ve thought about often since Charlotte’s birth:
The traditional message for new parents in Greece is “na sas zisi” (Να σας ζήσει) and it literally means, “may he/she outlive you”. Like most sayings, it’s easy not to think very deeply about the meaning, but it’s one that has forevermore will have an extra weight for me. My niece was born just a couple of days before Charlotte, and in fact I knit your Nouveau Né pattern for her coming home outfit, and improvised a pair of overalls to match. In true Harlot fashion, it was right down to the wire with the sweater finished just before she went into labour, and the overalls finished blocking the morning they were to bring her home. So I guess with all that, even though we’ve never met, I felt very connected to little Charlotte. Is that weird? Can knitting do that? Anyway, those first few weeks of my niece’s life I worried so much, but I didn’t ever want to show my worry to my sister, who isn’t a knitter and doesn’t read this blog. She was worried enough already as a new mom! And because of the pandemic, I couldn’t be close. But I often thought that if I had been, I would’ve stayed by her side, just in case.
Anyway, I hope you don’t mind me taking up a little space here to tell you that. Sending my warmest wishes to all of you. Abigail is gorgeous.
Να σας ζήσει!!!
Congratulations to all. Your plan worked perfectly. You all came through with flying colors. I have a hunch Abigail’s got a spectacular future as the newest knitwear model in the family.
What an incredibly beautiful way to support each other through this time. Your love and consideration for each other is so powerful. ♥️♥️♥️
What a beautiful gift you all gave each other. You are most definitely not bananas. My father and his parents lost two tiny ones. That experience shaped the rest of their long and beautiful lives. You did the absolute best thing.
My living son was born after too many babies were not able to stay. His first weeks were spent in our arms, on our chests. This plan is not bananas. This plan is love, lived and shown. So grateful Abigail is here.
I think the plan was absolutely perfect!
I don’t think any of you are bananas, and I guessed that was what you were doing from the instagram pictures. It’s what I would have wanted (needed) to do if it had been me who had gone through what you did. (Since Charlotte’s death, I no longer take for granted that all will be fine with a pregnancy and birth; I was worried when my granddaughter was born in August, though I didn’t tell my daughter about my fears.) I read this with wonder and joy and tears and thankfulness. Thank you for sharing the story. Much love.
There are no words. Your family forged your own perfect path to support each other and to welcome your beautiful Abigail.
Not at all bananas, to me it makes perfect sense. How beautiful that you could all share this sacred time with one another. Thank you for sharing this story.
So happy you wrote this beautiful account of Abigails entry into our world. As parents and grandparents, we do what is necessary to keep out children safe. It worked for your family and it doesn’t really matter what people think.
May God continue to bless your family with health and happiness and extra special care for little Abigail.
I get it. My first kid was born at 29 weeks (I had HELLP syndrome) and spent his first 2.5 months in the NICU. Even after he graduated to a nasal feeding tube etc., I got SO MAD when the doctors told me that he would “be fine.” You don’t *know* that! Don’t promise me that!
Seven and half years later, he has been diagnosed with a processing disorder and is thriving in first grade with his IEP. He also has a younger sister who was born full-term and is possibly best described as “sturdy.” (He is still quite skinny due to a first year full of GI problems, and he weighs the same as his little sister who is almost 2.5 years younger.)
And I think one of the things I took away from how things started with him is a profound sense of both how fragile things are and how much there is to be grateful for. I didn’t know if I’d get ANY time outside the hospital with him. To see both my kids play and learn and laugh and influence the world by just being in it… that is something so precious. And having my eyes open to that is a gift I hope I never lose.
Doesn’t sound at all bananas.
What a beautiful, beautiful gift you have given each other. Congratulations to all! Sending love.
You are all so loving and brave and wise and kind.—blessed to be blessings to one another.
Exceptionally well done!
From all the way from where I am, not even really knowing you, I’ve worried about all of you, and I didn’t know how you would do it. I’m so glad you found the way that has worked for all of you. It’s beautiful; thank you for sharing it with us.
You are all so loving and brave and wise and kind—blessed to be blessings to one another, and by example to us all.
We all do what may seem to be illogical things to other outside the situation for love, we all just need to be able to know we tried our hardest. We all sacrifice to the point of exhaustion for our kids <3
Tonight she may be thankful to sleep without all those people touching her she will most like miss the movement, warmth and smells <3
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing it with all of us. Wishing only good things for all of you.
Not bananas at all. You did the only thing I can think of that makes any sense at all, in fact! What a beautiful family you all are.
You are not bananas. Would have done the same thing.
That is beautiful, and not at all bananas. I’m so happy for you all that you had the ability to be there for each other like that.
Simply a very beautiful read…and a sigh of relief for you and yours. ♥️
The least bananas thing ever, you all are proceeding with love and caution and worry and care. Thank you for sharing, I’ve thought often of you all. What a beautiful entry to the world.
As I am reading through your story, I’m wondering if it isn’t that unusual at all. Just a remake of life from another era where an extended family lived under one roof and worked together as just such a team. Of course, your story is different as it stems from grief and trauma.
But what a beautiful way to face the fear together and build the foundation of Abigail’s family life.
Please stay had me sobbing. So happy for all of you.
Thank you for this post. You may think I am bananas but I do know the fear you have all felt. My healthy, happy, chunky 5 month old grandson collapsed in my arms: I shook him and ran for the car, telling my husband to call the hospital and tell him we were coming; telling my daughter to get in the car RIGHT NOW. The baby started breathing when I shook him as I handed him to his mother and told her, “don’t let him go to sleep”. The doctor did all the tests and after a couple days sent the baby home. I, my husband, my daughter and I took turns sleeping but there was always someone at that baby’s side, watching him breathe. I have no idea how long this went on or when or how we decided to let him sleep without watching. I only know that today he is a happy, healthy, 40 year old and I continue to thank God for that. When his 2 1/2 pound baby sister was born, we did not take her out of the hospital until we had a monitor. I remember the day I was telling another person about this and she asked how do you know what to do if the monitor goes off. My grandson, a 4 year old by now, said “wake the baby up”. This tiny girl has grown to be a parent herself and we don’t have to wake her up now.
As the first child born after my older brother died and seeing how my parents treated me, I do not think you are bananas at all. You experienced something that will stay with you forever. Prayers to all.
Bless you all for loving each other so well. And it doesn’t sound bananas to me at all!
Incredibly loving and tender story. Wow. Thank you for sharing it. Cheers to your family finding its way through grief to celebration. You trusted each other and made space for each other. Simply beautiful.
All I could think while reading this is how incredibly blessed you all are to be able to seek care and support. I think of all the families in the country I live in who are expected to Buck up – by everyone. That fears are dismissed and how life marches all over them. But not sweet ya’ll. It is so beautiful – beautiful what you have given one another. Bless you all. And thank you so much for giving the rest of us this perspective, this option, as another way to move forward.
So not bananas! What a wonderful way for this precious soul to begin her life. She will always know how loved she is. And what a marvelous time for you all to strengthen your bond and demonstrate your love and support for each other. I am in awe.
I think it’s amazingly kind and generous of all of you to do this for each other. Abigail has come into the perfect family for her, and I can’t wait for her to know how truly loved and cherished she is.
You are all truly amazing, courageous and loving. Thank you for sharing this so very intimate part of your life. Your relationships are wonderful and You are the world a better place.
Thank you for sharing this very important and deeply personal time with all of us who follow you. I’m glad you are enjoying your family and that you are able to talk about the tragic loss of baby Charlotte. Peace to all of you. I am in awe of your grace, openness, and the strength and hope of your family.
It doesn’t sound bananas to me. It sounds lovely and beautiful. It sounds like family and love. Thank you so much for sharing what it looks like to work through such a hard thing; your words are a gift.
I am so glad to read about Abigail’s first weeks and how your lovely family is sharing and supporting one another through this time. I would have wanted to do the same.
I don’t think it’s bananas. I think it’s love.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been wondering how it would be possible for Meg, or Grandma, or Alex, to set Abigail down to sleep in those first few days or weeks. You found the perfect, logical, and loving solution. Charlotte’s brief visit taught us all to cherish every waking moment. Thank you for the update.
Such a wonderful loving thing to do. Abigail, wrapped in love. I don’t think it’s bananas at all, I think it is a perfectly sane joint reaction to losing Charlotte, and doing the best you can for you all. What a lucky baby she is to be born into such a family. My very warmest best wishes x
Welcome to the world Abigail! Thank you to Megan and Alex and your family for sharing what you choose to of your family’s experience and process.
I am struck that Charlotte gave all of you a profound gift. I don’t like that word in this context and I also don’t know another one to use instead. She brought you all into a life and a world where you KNOW that life, our time in life, can get up at any time. So many of us live in unreality assuming that there will always be tomorrow, that there will be many many tomorrows, that we and others are supposed to have those tomorrows and that something is wrong when that doesn’t happen. Those really are all assumptions, wishes, hopes – none of it is reality. Charlotte brought you all into reality and few of us actually grok this knowledge in our lives. We keep living in illusion and perhaps really don’t take in the moment, are not truly present to it, to life, the literal miracle of life. Each moment is really the only moment that exists. Memory allows us to string them together into a continuum and imagination allows us to imagine them into the future. The only moment that truly exists is the one we are living right in this breathe. How present are we, really, to the moment we are in? And what imprints from the past are we carrying that interfere with our capacity to simply be present to what is in the moment. What would help us to release those imprints in order to be free to be in the present moment rather than metaphorically googling our minds for the info about how this moment should go based on what happened in the past. Perhaps we could to open for something else, rather than a repeat of something that already occurred. Sorta boggles the mind really and rather profound to consider…
Frankly that sounds like the least bananas plan possible. It’s brave and raw and beautiful and my heart is cracked wide open with love for you all. I’ve been cheering little Abbie and her family on from afar from the first – way to go, Team Abigail.
Dear team Abigail, I feel that your love was the beautifully sane and right thing to do. I wish for all of us who hear this story will take it and understand how our own love can do so much in times of fear. Also Steph, I reckon if telling ourselves to buck up ever worked, it would have for everyone by now. I’m so grateful to you for calling that nonsense out for what it is, and talking about a different way. Lots of love to you all xx
Edited to add: perhaps telling oneself to buck up and be stoic might be an ok short term thing, if there isn’t another option.
This is a very beautiful post. All the absolute best of luck and love to you and your family.
I was wondering how all of you were able to cope with the fear, and I’m so glad you found a way. I wouldn’t have been able to put her down either.
Dear Abigail, may you have the longest, happiest live. If how it started is any indication, it will be blissful.
Your plan does not seem bananas at all, but a sane, human, loving response to an unthinkable tragedy. Welcome to the world, Abigail and congratulations to all of Team Abigail on her safe arrival.
Everything I wanted to say has been written by others so eloquently already, so I am just chiming in to send you all lots of love.
What a beautiful family you have, and Abigail is so obviously loved. You did what you needed to do to ease everyone’s fear and anxiety a bit, and I think that’s amazing. Even as a stranger I’ve found myself checking in on your Instagram to make sure she’s ok. Sending light and continued love and peace for your family
Thank you so much for sharing. You are collectively a remarkable family. May God bless you all.
No Sweetheart, you aren’t bananas. Last April my Daughter had to have an emergency C-section. She nearly died. I took care of her and the baby afterwards and I’d get up in the middle of the night just to make sure my 30 year old daughter was still breathing. I’ve never been more scared in my life. So I totally get it.
So wonderful. Love to you all.
I think I speak for the whole Blog when I say we, too, feel like a small part of Team Abigail as we send you more love than can ever be measured.
My initial reaction was a bit fruity, but after reading a few more paragrahs, it made perfect, loving sense. The courage it took all or you to live through Meg’s pregnancy and Abigail’s first weeks is incredible. The immense kindness and generosity shown is awe-inspiring. The plan is so important – “As a family and a team we were going to do whatever it took for everyone to feel as safe as possible for as long as it needed to happen.” I hope I never need to use it. I’m sending many thoughts of strength and hope and peace to Team Abigail for a joy-filled journey going forward.
Not bananas at all.
Frankly this seems just fine. In many cultures of the past I believe this happened. What a wonderful healing for everyone and how lucky you are to have had the time to do it. Blessings ll around.
Not everything has to make sense to make sense. I’m so glad you were all able to support her and support each other in a way that worked for you and got you all through what has to have been an unimaginably terrifying time. Continuing to wish you all light and love and life from out here in the Blog ether.
I cannot imagine the fear all of you were experiencing even in this moment of complete joy, and I think this plan was perhaps the best way for you all to come to grips with that fear and the grief. I also cannot imagine how amazing it was for Abigail to be welcomed to life by a family who cared so much about her that they were unwilling to put her down for a moment in those first few weeks of her life. What a blessing.
Oh, I’m crying in my office on a Monday morning.
What a profound gift of love you gave to each other. I’m so happy for all of you. I’m so glad.
Thank you, so much, for sharing with us the hope, the fear , the wonder of it all. Shalom!
I watched Meg’s pregnancy with joy and trepidation hoping this time would be different. I can’t imagine anyone who knew Charlotte’s story wouldn’t have. I have been so happy for you all that she is here and healthy and yet, I knew you must all be terrified in a way. I am so glad you were able to support each other, grieve and celebrate all in one.
I had twin girls 11 years ago and today I still remember my parents spending a couple of weeks taking turns with helping feed, diaper and cuddle my tiny preemies who needed all the body warmth that could be shared. I don’t remember a lot because sleep deprivation was strong, but what I do remember I cherish. I’m so glad your family had the ability to rally when it was needed and the memories that will remain from the season together.
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Not bananas! Brave, incredibly brave, all of you.
Congratulations!!!
This. Is. Amazing.
Thank you for sharing. Sending virtual hugs to your whole team (even though I only know you through the blog and Strung Along), along with so much admiration.
This. Is. Amazing.
Thank you for sharing. Sending virtual hugs to your whole team (even though I only know you through the blog and Strung Along), along with so much admiration.
I think this is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. So full of caring and love and hope and vulnerability and strength. Thank you for sharing.
This is an amazing and beautiful story.
Also, THE MATCHING SWEATERS.
You did exactly what needed to be done. Beautiful child, beautiful family. Congratulations!
Congratulations! She’s just adorable.
Your plan is not bananas. It is perfect. I wondered how anyone could lay a baby down for sleep after the experience you have had. Thank you for sharing.
All of this was sweet and wonderful enough on its own, but then I saw that Charlotte’s picture was included in your “Team Abigail” picture and that made me tear up.
I think it was a beautiful plan, and it makes so much sense to me. I’m glad your family came together and supported one another with grace and compassion to welcome Abigail home.
Thank you so much for this post. I don’t think you’re bananas at all. What a lovely gift you all gave each other. XOXOXO. Mazel tov on the birth and health of Abigail.
Such a beautiful story! I’m glad Meg and her family could get the support they needed. The world would be a better place with more people like this in it.
What a wonderful way to help support each other through fear and grief while also allowing room for joy. And how lovely that Elliot was included—I appreciate deeply that your family always makes room for everyone’s feelings and needs to matter. All the best to wee Abigail and her whole family.
The first days and weeks of any baby’s life are always incredibly dear and precious; that you four as parents and grandparents were able to guard them for each other and for Abigail and Elliott is all the more beautiful. The last family photo is gorgeous; is that baby Charlotte in the framed picture to the right within the photo?
Would you please publish a book of essays on your life/parenting/grieving experiences. Your writing is straight from the heart and full of wisdom. OK, we’d love a few knitting pieces too because without kinitting so many of us wouldn’t get through the hard times. Please, give us a book of life essays.
In your situation, I would have done exactly the same. Isn’t Abigail lucky to have been born into such a loving family. Long life and happiness to you all.
Congratulations to all. She’s lovely.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
You and your team did what you all needed, and that is amazing; no one outside the circle needs to be judging. Trying “to prevent something unpreventable” is so very human. Hugs to you all.
I am a long time reader, many many years…and I think this is one of, if not my favourite post. Sending much love to you and your team!
I’m a therapist by profession and I can say that none of this sounds bonkers, either to my therapist brain or my civillian brain. This was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you for sharing with us.
I am so glad you all had this time, and that you are feeling almost ready for what comes next. I know personally what it feels like to come face-to-face with the unpredictable, uncontrollable fragility of life. It changes your outlook forever, especially about the people you treasure most. Hugs and hurray for all of you.
And by the by – those are a couple of beautiful sweaters Ellie and Abbie are wearing.
I am so glad you found a plan that worked for you. I don’t think it is bananas at all. She is a beautiful, precious, darling baby who is loved beyond words. Although your words conveyed so much love, I felt the more of it. Wishing you all the best.
That approach does not sound bananas at all.
Beautiful story & the least bananas thing in the world today. I can’t imagine any one of us would have done anything differently. Wishing all the love & happiness to Abigail & her clan. She’s just perfect.
Clearly, Charlotte was an invisible but always present member of Team Abigail from the very beginning. Only one of the many blessings her short life gave you and continues to give you.
I love you for being team Abigail Bananas. It makes so much sense to me. A part of me has held my breath since the news of her broke and I’m so happy that you are all doing so well!
You do whatever you need to do to get you through the hard times in the hope that the pain won’t last forever and better times will come. Hope is what gives us the strength to carry on.
May you all continue to grow and prosper
So many tears as I read this post. I have been praying for your family. I think the way you handled Abigail’s arrival and the weeks after were the only way anyone could manage. I have a grown daughter named Abigail. She is such a joy in my life. Praying this little one continues to be healthy and well. What a special little girl.
Thank you for sharing – How very beautiful; it fills my heart to read this.
It’s most definitely not bananas. And for those people that think it is, they haven’t lived your life so they have no idea what you have all dealt with. I love that last family photo you posted. Sweet Charlotte’s photo is so wonderful. What a gift that you could all be together for so many days. Thank you for sharing.
I know I’m just joining the echo chamber here, but I too am unable to stop tears streaming down my face, and there is zero about this situation that says “bananas” to me. I had baseless anxiety (no previous losses) through my last pregnancy and the first year of my daughter’s life, but I dealt with it alone. I couldn’t put her down, and as a result she was probably LESS safe as I fell asleep holding her in chairs, couches, with her in my bed (disclaimer: I’m all for intentional cosleeping, but this wasn’t always like that). I felt too irrational to ask for this kind of help and support, and knew I’d get the kind of skepticism you’re talking about if I voiced my fears.
How beautiful for all of you that you could be open and vulnerable with each other and give each other the grace and support that has been needed in this time. Of course I hope for all of you that the pain and fear ebb with time, but until that day it does no harm for that sweet lamb to be held and loved every moment of her life. This is so beautiful. Every family should be so loving and supportive. Thank you for sharing.
This made me cry tears of happiness for you. I’m glad to know that your plan is working and that all the love still has a place to go among each of you and especially towards that beautiful little girl. What a gift and what a generous and lovely thing for sharing that with us, thank you.
Congratulations to your entire family. This brought tears to my eyes. My own family increased by two new babies last fall, and I understand that desire to hold them forever, just to keep them safe. I’m so glad your family found what you all needed to do.
Brilliant was my first word too.
As a bereaved parent myself (he lived 35 minutes – had massive multiple defects and we knew this before delivery), I had my rainbow baby in my room every night for the first 7 weeks. No regrets. She’ll be 22 next month.
WTG Team Abbie Bananas!
Sometimes bananas are appropriate.. Those who haven’t walked in your shoes don’t get to judge.. Welcome sweet little one – how lucky to have so much love from a wonderful family. Hugs to you all from a total stranger! 🙂
Well, Steph, if you guys are bananas, then I am, too. When I read that Abigail had been born, I actually hoped that you guys would do that. So, so happy for all of you!
The love and strength shown is a marvelous force to behold. Abigail is truly blessed with her family in this life – and with her sister and your Mum and family watching over her from afar.
Thank you to Meg and Alex for allowing us to share such an intimate story, and for your incredible ability to speak your truth. I’ve held my breath (as not on Instagram) and said prayers for all. Wishing you and yours peace, hope and strength as this amazing little girl takes her place in this brave new world you’ve all built from memories, pain, joy and love.
Knitwise, adore the matching sweaters. Namaste.
What a loving caring journey you all took. Grief is a long winding road that everyone walks alone and in their own time. To have a common goal and achieve it is magical. Well done family. i will keep you all in my prayers.
I think that is the most beautiful and loving thing that I have every read. What a demonstration of love in action that your family provided each other. I honestly don’t even understand how people could think your plan was bananas. To me is seems like such a logical, and caring, and sensical response to a loss and trauma that was just unimaginable. When I heard of her birth I thought “How could they ever put her down?” And then started seeing your posts I thought “Ah, ha! That’s exactly what they appear to be doing. They are a family with a plan.” And as a parent I thought about how comorted and supported that cocoon of love and would have felt to me. All all the love and admiration for your family.
Absolutely beautiful! Not only did your plan help all of Team Abigail but it created a wonderful, loving beginning for Abigail.
Oh, a safe arrival and happy ending for your family!!! Congratulations and welcome! Kudos for doing it on your terms – these are the only terms that matter.
when your heart knows the right thing to do, you do it. I am sobbing here with relief and joy for all of you.
A lovely post. I’m so glad you were able to do this together.
And happy blogiversary to you today!
How beautiful…Abigail and her team….the only way to do it…the way that made you all feel safe…as you can in a world that was utterly changed. Blessings.
You (the collective you) are NOT bananas. The plan you came up with is one that works for you and allows all of you to fully accept the miracle you were given.
Thankfully you all supported each other through this and became stronger and also allowed all of you to fully integrate with the newest member of your family. Not every new parent has such a great support system.
Hugs and kisses to the strongest family I’m honoured to “know” through your blog, books and knitting retreats.
Your beautiful words make it clear – Abigail, in the comfort of your family, embodies the true meaning of “blessing”.
Tears in my eyes as you as a family all came together to support each other. I think it was the absolute best plan.
This is so beautifully written, from the heart, Stephanie. As I read this, there are tears in my eyes (both kinds – joy and sorrow, but mostly joy for you all) and an ache in my heart. Your plan was a good one, and I admire all of you for your courage and strength. Welcome, Abigail! You are so very loved.
What else is there to say, except yes, yes, yes. And welcome, Abigail!
I get it, I really do. You are not bananas in any way, and I love that you all pulled in tight around your family and gave Abigail all the love you had. Such a positive plan and experience- good work! All my best wishes to you and your family.
You are not bananas at all. What came through loud and clear was LOVE. And beautiful knits on a beautiful baby (and matching ones with Ellie!). Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful way your family faced your shared grief head on with love. XOXO
Our 1st grandson was born with congenital heart defeats requiring 3 heart surgeries in his 1st 3 1/2 years & due to an injury at age 13 had 13 more surgeries. His parents, Poppy, & I were a team like your family is. The only time one of us was not with him was when he went through those surgery room doors. We understand that you are not bananas but a team of loving people. Thank God he is a healthy, happy & loving person who will be 27 in a few weeks.
I don’t think you are bananas at all, I was wondering how you would all cope with the fear after losing your sweet and perfect Charlotte. Sounds like you handled it mindfully and beautifully, as a family.
I sit here with tears of joy as I read your story of Team Abigail. I have shared your fear and have so much admiration for Meg and Alex for pushing thru to bring her into this wonderous family. I don’t think you were bananas at all. I think it was an amazing plan! Born of love for Abigail and for Meg and Alex and Elliott. May they all bask in that love and the peace that comes of it. And may all of you sleep well knowing that the love you all share has brought you so much closer as a family. God bless you all.
Welcome to the world little one! I’m so happy to see this. My rainbow baby is 24 and a teacher. I feel very lucky to have her in my life and am so glad that your family has another beautiful baby to love.
I absolutely would have done the same thing.
Not bananas at all, and a wonderful gift to each other to have the time and acceptance to handle things as slowly as they needed.
A beautiful new addition to your family. Thank you for sharing your story.
How beautiful! Sounds like you all loved each other perfectly and individually.
Well, you did what you felt you had to do to get through a scary time and that was right for you. Everyone has a backstory which influences their decisions as to how to proceed and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for the next.
It’s good that things are goings smoothly now and you can all relax a little bit not.
I’m so happy for you and for your whole family. Thank you for sharing your story.
That is sweet and tender beyond belief. So very wonderful.
Our family underwent a similar experience years ago. As many family and friends as feasible held vigil at the hospital for C’s birth. One, a Sikh, said, upon hearing the happy news, “More people prayed to more gods today…” C is now in medical school, but his older brother remains in our thoughts. Love never dies; love heals and sustains.
God bless you all. Congratulations on the birth of your newest grandchild. I am glad you were all able to find comfort in each other, and did what you needed to do as a family.
So delighted to read this wonderful news. I could go on and on but can only say I’m verklempt. Welcome to this amazing family, Abigail.
That last word above should be “Now”.
I don’t understand how anyone could think you could do anything else? Maybe that comes from having grandchildren almost the same age as yours, but as Abigail’s birth approached, I wondered what your plan would be, certain that you all would have one. I’m so thankful you were able to share just a bit of this love with all of us.
You all are simply an amazing family. Welcome Abigail. You’ve joined a family filled with love.
The best definition of “Family” I have ever read. Blessings to all of you.
What a beautiful love story. I am so very sorry for your loss. Unless you have lost a child, you have no idea idea of the sadness and loss you will forever feel. You handled this baby’s first days so full of love and caring, and I applaud you all for this wonderful plan. I know that it gave you all a certain sense of security and I know that she felt the love and bonding with each of you.
Hugs to you all
What love. What a gift. How beautiful this is.
This might be the most beautiful show of family love I’ve ever seen. I love that you were there for each other and were able to share that time with us just a little.
What beautiful acts of caring and love you all demonstrated. Thank you for sharing with us ❤️
It’s not bananas. It’s beautiful and brave.
That sounds like the most beautiful and brave way for a family to support each other and welcome a new life. The impact of this start may be present her whole life….
Thank you for sharing. Like I commented on IG, as a person who knows your family only through this screen, I was worried for all of you. It is so wonderful to read how you helped each other to get to a point where you can allow yourselves to sleep while she sleeps. I will continue to keep your family in my heart.
How caring and loving and supportive you all were for one another!! I’m so relieved to hear that Abigail is doing well. My heart goes out to you all <3
What a phenomenal welcome you all gave Abigail to the world and her family!! What a beautiful and amazing gift. I’m so very touched and overwhelmed by the story. Thank you forever for sharing it. sending love. Holly
This feels like the most beautiful thing I have ever read, and a privilege. Thank you for blessing the whole world with your love.
My daughter’s job at the time she had her first was documenting every child death in her state–and then her own was a preemie with a rocky start. She and her husband held their baby round the clock just like you did and we helped out on the day and early night shift so they could get some rest. He was not to be, could not be put down nor left in a separate room for any time that first month.
One never forgets how much of a privilege it was–but I know you know, far more so.
I cannot begin to say how grateful I am for Abigail Carol’s good health.
Our grandson is in kindergarten now and his little sister adores him.
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.
It’s a beautiful thing you have done. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve all gone through, but if this has helped at all it’s wonderful. What an amazing start to life for Abigail as well, being constantly held by people who love her.
If your plan was bananas, then I guess I am too because it made so much sense to me. It’s beautiful and I can’t tell you how awed I am by your family. Rest well and sending so many thoughts to all of you.
Words don’t capture how this has touched my heart. Grief is weird and wild, and Trauma is no different. I think what you where able to do was pure magic. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
xoxoxo all the love.
Grief and trauma are deeply personal and isolating even in the midst of a group hug.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Love and {hugs} for Team Abigail.
As you can tell from the comments, we who follow you don’t think this was a “bananas” plan. When you first shared with us that Meg was pregnant – my thought was wow, how brave of her. And your family’s approach has been such a beautiful gift to each other – and especially to Ellie (since children often are left alone to process grief and fear).
Everyone does what they have to do to feel safer in this crazy world in which we now live.
If you were doing this on Abigail’s wedding night, it would be slightly different. I don’t see how holding a baby around the clock can be a bad thing for the baby…as long as those holding her/him were awake enough not to drop the baby. And Abigail transitioned to sleeping on her own, so everything is good.
Congratulations to all of you. It will be interesting, as she grows older, if the love with which she was surrounded in her early life has an impact on her personality (not that we will really know as we have no base with which to compare her).
I wondered how you all were going to live through this, and what you did is the only solution that makes sense to me. xoxo
I am so happy for you all. The pain of Charlotte’s death is an unimaginable thing that I am so grateful not to have suffered.
My daughter had a miscarriage nearly two years ago and was having difficulty conceiving again owing to endometriosis. Almost at the point of starting IVF treatment, she became pregnant and was totally incapacitated by hyperemesis for months. I was unable to relax into the idea of Posy until she joined us. I completely get never daring to put your precious Abigail down. You must have been terrified. I have been following your blog for quite a lot of years (not 19) and would like to thank you for your blogs, your Patreon, your fundraising. I am so happy for the whole bananas team and find your decisions completely sane and sensible. I would have done the same
You are right, it is bananas. But sometimes bananas are what is needed. Nothing will remove the pain of that loss, but doing everything you can to keep Abigail safe is balm to the heart. You are all so blessed.
What’s the opposite of bananas? Because this is that. What a wonderful journey for you all. She is so beautiful and so obviously loved!
I have a grandson who turned two this past Sunday. Many, many times when he has been under my care, I have been worried that something would happen to him. I don’t think I felt this kind of fear for my own children when they were little, but I feel it for my grandson. I feel it less and less as he gets older. I don’t think the fear is entirely reasonable and that it is maybe kind of bananas, but there it is. In a way, it’s like a phobia – not always logical, but there anyway. I think the way you and your family chose to pull together to support each other is an example of beauty and goodness in this world!
This is what it means to be a family! Thank you for sharing with the world. You are all amazing beautiful people. What a wonderful way to be brought into the world surrounded by love and laughter. Wishing you peace and love!
Thank you, Stephanie. I knew from your Instagram post what was coming in this post, but it still made me cry in relief and gratitude for all of your sakes, for your family being able to start to find your way through the darkest of times and toward the light of this new little life. Much love to you all.
Speaking personally, I have worried about Abigail. One day when no new picture of her was posted on Instagram, my heart sank.
Team Abigail extends beyond the walls of your little house, beyond Toronto, beyond Canada. The entire blog is an active part of Team Abigail.
May your little one grow and thrive surrounded by all of this love
I think this is so beautiful. What a lovely display of family love and support for Abigail to be surrounded by in her earliest days. Wishing love and peace to you all!
Thank you for this. I have learned so much from you over the years about how to live with grace and kindness. You have all been in my thoughts since the new year and I’m so pleased you have given yourselves the gift of this time.
Every baby should be as lucky, to have a totally bananas family. Abigail is so very blessed by all of you.
In summation: We’re ALL IN on supporting Team Abigail!
I am so relieved that you all have been so close and caring for each other and Abigail since her birth. I’ve been quietly scared here, hoping and praying too. Your family solution was exactly right for all of you. Sending love.
I for one completely understand and love your plan. Yesterday would have been my daughter’s 50th birthday. She died the first week of university when she was 18 of an otherwise benign illness. The scar remains still. Now I have an almost 7 year old granddaughter named after her aunt. I wish I could keep her in a sterile bubble but her parents are fabulous and lovingly enjoying our girl and we are all very grateful (no evil eye please). Whatever it takes to get by. Happy for you and have been wondering how you’re getting through these first days, weeks going forward. Thank you for you blog This is the first time I’m public with our story.
You know what that wee lovely thing will say about you being Bananas right? The same thing The Blog and I will tell you: you’re our kind of Bananas Gangan.
Congratulation Team Abi, you are AWESOME!
Welcome to the little one! What adorable pictures. Thank you for sharing your healing journey. May all be well for you and yours.
This act of love your family has performed for one another is so unbelievably beautiful. There is no map for what you’ve all been through. You were (are) figuring your way through it in your own way. And in the process you came up with something wonderful. What you did for each other was not bananas. It was what you all needed, and that makes it absolutely right. Congratulations on beautiful Abigail and her truly amazing family.
You can get that electronic sensor/pad thing to put under the mattress so if she stops breathing, an alarm goes off. It helped us.
Oh Wow, What a story! I’ve been reading the last few lines through tears.
How amazingly lucky Abigail is to have the family and support that is so clearly demonstrated in this story.
It’s hard to find the words to express how this story has touched me. I am left wondering if this world we are now living in would be fundamentally different if all children could start life in such a loving embrace.
I am a regular reader but not a responder. I was compelled to respond to this post because it was so beautiful and true and raw. It showed good can come from the unthinkable and that life does go on, maybe not as planned, but it does go on. Our past is never forgotten but future blessings do help ease the pain of loss even though its never forgotten just as your beautiful charlotte will never be.
You and the family came up with the perfect plan for your family and it turned out wonderfully. You took care of each other and Abigail and what a blessing that is. I know you’ll cherish that time and those memories forever. And Elliot and Abigail’s matching sweaters are incredibly lovely! I also love the pic of baby Charlotte included with the family. As you said, some wounds heal with a scar, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less beautiful for it as this time is evidence.
This post brought tears to my eyes. I’ve been holding you all in my heart, hoping for the best and wondering how you felt during what must certainly be a time of equal parts terror and joy. The way you came together as a family and supported each other, and held that tiny precious life so that she always had eyes on her… I honestly can’t even think of anything more beautiful and perfect. I am so, so happy for all of you — much love to Meg and Alex.
Thank you for sharing.
I can’t imagine how it could’ve gone any other way.
I’m sobbing. How could anyone think this is bananas? This is what having a baby is supposed to be like and why I became a doula. It’s supposed to feel like supporting whatever your new family needs. I feel so happy and so sad and so many things. Thank you so much for sharing.
Congratulations on the arrival of Abigail!
Was the plan bananas? Yes – in the best possible way. It worked for your family and that’s all that counts.
What a heartrendingly beautiful story. I am so happy for all of you.
I’m so pleased that Abigail arrived safely and that your lovely family found a way through those days. I cannot imagine what it must have been like. I hope she continues hale and hearty and you all continue to heal as much as is possible from the last few years. You did what you needed to do. That’s all. Go Team Abigail! (All babies should be so lucky!)
You are in no way bananas. I’m so excited for you all, and what a wonderful gift of love and new family. I’m so happy for you all.
I can’t stop crying, that has to be the most loving & beautiful solution for all of you. my grandmother would have called it ” circling the wagons . Thank you for sharing with us all. And welcome Abigail You & your family are loved by many
What a precious gift – Abigail, your family’s love & support for each other, those moments & memories of her first days, and your sharing this part of the story – thank you!!
I hoped and prayed your precious one would be well and stay in all of your arms. You’ve chosen the perfect solution for all of you and it’s wonderful to be able to hear all about it. Much love to all of you.
This is just so beautiful. I’m in tears thinking about all that your family has been through in the last few years, and how blessed it is for your family to have Abigail join it. What a gift. Sending you all so much love, and continued peace, and honoring the memory of her sister, Charlotte. <3
Thank you for sharing so much. This is a beautiful and brilliant plan, smart, sane, hopeful, and kind to yourselves and your whole family. All the best to you and yours.
You’re not bananas. I think you’re all terribly brave and loving, and I thank you for sharing.
I have no words, but a lot of feelings, and most of all relief and happiness for you all.
Every time I come to my computer, I start by reading this post over again, to make sure it all turns out the same way every time I guess. Congratulations to your family. You make an excellent, not-bananas-at-all-team!
Surprised by tears. Genius thinking outside the box.
Love and best of luck to you all.
This was so beautiful. It made me cry. Thank you for sharing it with us. For sharing Abigail and Charlotte and your family with us.
Immense congratulations to all, I am so very happy for you! And as ever, thanks for sharing so graciously. Welcome dear Abigail.
Absolutely the most beautiful thing I have read. This is what it means to love each other.
What a beautiful, loving, wonderful thing you all did! It was the perfect way to celebrate her life and love for each other.
Happy Days ahead!
My husband and I are grandparents of a ten year old and her little sister who is due at the end of March. We agreed that you are so not bananas. Congratulations on the birth of sweet Abigail!
Congratulations and much happiness to you and your truly loving family!
Abigail is adorable, and you guys are the most amazing family! Will keep you all in my thoughts as she grows and thrives. Much love to you all
You are seen, you are heard. Love is welling up like a deep flowing stream. Such care, we should all be so lucky!
Photoshop Amanda into the team picture. It doesn’t have to look like she was there for this picture but it needs to be documented.
And the only thing that is bananas is listening to someone else’s judgement when you need to take care of yourself and your loved ones.
absolutely. whatever was needed. no crazy at all there. whatever was needed…by all.
wasn’t going to get any sleep, anyway.
I can’t help but smile reading your post about Team Abigail! Definitely not bananas, but a family that pulls together in a time of need out of pure love, hope and support for one another. A very beautiful thing! Thank you for sharing it with us!
What a beautiful post. And a beautiful gift to be able to care for Meg & Abigail (and the whole family) through all of those fears and worries. What a special special time.
Thank you for sharing this story with its overwhelming gift of love, and joy and sorrow and worry and fear and heartbreak and delight and peace.
This doesn’t sound bananas to me; I was terrified to leave my firstborn in her crib asleep, and hadn’t even experienced the trauma that you all have suffered. I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through, but what a gift that you all experienced as many minutes of Abbie’s precious first few weeks as you could. Sending wishes and prayers for continued good health and healing!
What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with us! Happy tears over here.
I am so grateful for the wisdom you all shared with each other. What a beautiful way to demonstrate love and courage and communal healing! Thank you for this. The children who join your family are so lucky to have you all.
Remember: We are mammals. This is normal mammal behavior.
What a love story! A beautiful real complete love story. Thank you so very much for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. Best wishes to you and your family.
Your strategy makes complete sense to me! I have one daughter and when I brought her home I tried to stay awake all the time, to make sure she was okay. Obviously, it didn’t work, I had to sleep. I was only able to sleep when I bought a movement mat that would sound an alarm if she stopped breathing. My family thought I was going overboard but it worked for me. I really like how you all pulled together!
What a perfect welcome into a new world!
Held in loving arms continuously-how can that not influence the person they will become?
And what a balm for your souls.
It was a great plan….and it worked.
Congratulations to all that hold sweet Abigail in their hearts.
So many tears reading this. Your family is so warm and loving, and so very creative! I’ve followed your saga for years now, and you offer so much to all of us with whom you share your lives. So, so glad Abigail is thriving! I felt blessed reading this (very not bananas) plan, and its very beautiful results.
Not bananas. Not even the slightest bit bananas. Not anywhere near the produce department or even in the store in any way, shape or form. I have three babies and I cannot comprehend your loss and you and your family’s courage (Meg’s courage especially. A legendary heart beats in that chest, no question), and if it had been me I would’ve done exactly as you did. I am so happy for you that you all had each other, and you had each other’s backs. Wishing you all so much joy and peace and healing this year and in all the years to come.
I’ve been a little out of it and finally returned to the blog. I followed your journey on Instagram and saw that things were progressing well. I wondered how you all got such an amazing amount of time together but thought, whatever it was, it was working out.
I’m now sitting here in tears after reading your blog entry. That is the most beautiful story I’ve ever read. Thank you A true picture of how families can come together and care for each other.
As I’m sure you know, many of us were terrified for you all as the pregnancy progressed and wondering how you all were managing. Although the stats are so in your favor, they are meaningless when the subject is your little person. What a magic solution! Hugs to you all and sending good vibes to protect that dear girl.
Not bananas…you are all amazing and I am so happy for all of you …congratulations …have loved readng your blog and have one of your books…God Bless!
This was so beautiful. I too lost a baby, at birth, with no apparent reason. I know that feeling. I remember that fear with my third child. It was such a wonderful gift for you all to face it together and wait until you were all ready. Abigail is adorable. My third now has children of her own.
Such a beautiful story! Brought tears to my eyes!!
Of course. This was the perfect thing for all of you. So wonderful to see a group of people loving, taking care of and honoring each other, supporting one another, holding one another up, taking over for each other when another step is just impossible. This was the perfect thing to do, by the perfect group of people to raise that darling girl. You are all so very lucky to have one another, and I am so very jealous and grateful for you all.
This was beautiful Stephanie. Thank you for sharing and being real with us. Life is not perfect, it is simply lived in the moment. You all are living well – with love and care.
Beautiful story!
Thank you for sharing this truly blessed story. I am so grateful that you all figured out to all feel safe. Hugs!
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your remarkable family. They are lovely, the hand-knits are lovely, and LOVE is everywhere in this post.
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Still feels so warm reading this story. Seeing the family unite to protect a newborn is beautiful. True power of love.
Such a moving story. Family support is key to getting through. Wishing little Abigail a healthy and happy life.
This is a beautiful example of teamwork and prioritizing everyone’s comfort. It’s heartwarming to see such patience and understanding within a family. Sometimes, facing challenges feels impossible, but your story shows the power of shared support. Speaking of challenges, for a fun, lighthearted way to test your reflexes and problem-solving skills, you should try Geometry Dash! It’s a simple but addictive game. It sounds very interesting!