My friend Debbi – she’s pretty great in general, but there’s a few gifts she’s given me over the years that are shining stars of enrichment in my life and one of them is the phrase “Don’t panic early” usually followed by “I’ll tell you when to panic.” Well, I haven’t exactly explained my circumstances to Debbi, but for a few days I’ve had this sneaking suspicion that if I did, she wouldn’t tell me not to panic. I think she’d raise a single eyebrow, then whip out a notebook for planning purposes and say “Ok. Let’s panic as constructively as possible.”
That’s what I’m going to try and do – panic really constructively. This year is the Bike Rally’s 25th Anniversary, a big milestone for the scrappy little fundraiser that’s grown to be the sustaining fundraiser for the whole of PWA – an amazing accomplishment considering that it was started by a couple of people with bikes and a barbecue that they moved around on a pickup. In my head, this year wasn’t just the anniversary, it was also the year that it was all going to come together. The last few years have been full of compromises and people doing their best and rising above, and I felt like this year it was more important that ever to get out there. Without being an epic downer- it’s been a really crappy year for the people who are most vulnerable. At a time when it can feel like many human rights are moving backwards, it seemed like a great time to go as boldly forward as we can, and the Rally is such an amazing metaphor for that.
So, I was excited, and Team Knit set a big fundraising goal, and then… well then things started to go a little bit wrong. First, heartbreak those of you who’re Team Pato, he’s had surgery – Don’t panic, he’s going to be just fine, but Team Knit will be down a member for this year.
Then I had a torn biceps tendon (it’s better now, thanks) and I kept saying that I was going to get out there and train and I did, but definitely not as much as I should have. When that was healed enough to ride I gave myself a stern talking to, and then the wildfires happened and the air quality wasn’t something you could train in. I got out there on a few days that the air was good enough, but it wasn’t enough training – and not only that, it wasn’t enough fundraising. I struggled with Ken being far away – usually we train together quite a bit, and I lay awake the night before I was going to fly to Port Ludlow for the Strung Along Retreat and I thought about it being so close to the Rally – and I went over the whole thing top to bottom in my mind. I kept telling myself it was going to be okay, but was it? We’re short a rider, none of us have met our fundraising goals, and the Ride is just weeks away – is that okay? The answer was a firm maybe, if I got my scene together. The next day I flew to work, planned a post like this one, and the day after was my 55th Birthday. I ran 5.5km on the hotel treadmill to celebrate and to try and keep a bit of training going on. I told myself that if I ran every other day while I was away, and then got into the big training rides right away when I returned I’d be okay – it would be a bit of a stretch, but it would be okay, and I’d get on the fundraising too – it’s hard to fund raise when you’re not riding, but I would be riding so … okay. It was going to be okay.
Saturday morning I was sicker than I’ve ever been. After three years of dodging the thing like a ninja, I finally had covid. I spent the whole retreat with a raging fever and wicked cough, feeling absolutely horrible about not being able to teach. I still had my fingers crossed for the Rally though. Most vaccinated people are only sick for a few days, right? Wrong. Not this one. I was too sick to go home for more than a week, and when I got home it was another week in bed, and even now I’m just recovered enough to look in the general direction of my bike. In 31 days the Rally starts and I’m supposed to be one of a few hundred people who will ride their bikes 660km from Toronto to Montreal, and this morning I’m aiming to ride for 50km which is way, way, way too short, but possibly way longer than I can manage. I’ll pop back tomorrow and tell you if I live. In the meantime, while I’m out there trying to train, I know Cam and Ken have their fingers crossed for me, and all of us would love some help making our goals for this year.
This year’s Team Knit is:
I’m thanking you in advance for anything you’re able to do to make this possible. I’m worried about the riding but really it’s the fundraising that changes people’s lives and makes the ride worth it. If you’re able, please give generously.
I’ve also decided on a return to Karmic Balancing Gifts -they’re a lot of work, to be sure, but I feel like with time so short I need to pull out all the stops. If you donate to anyone on our little family team and you’d like to be in the offing for a gift, then please send me an email letting me know you’ve done so. I’ll choose names at random.
Make the subject line “I helped” and send it to stephanieATyarnharlotDOTca. (Note the .ca it’s a Canada thing.) Include your name, address, and whether or not you spin. (For the love of all things woolly, please use the subject line. It makes your email go to a specific folder and you have no idea what a difference that makes to my sanity.) You don’t need to say what you gave, or include proof. I know you’ll do your best, whatever that is, and I know you wouldn’t lie. (If you’ve already given this year, obviously you should send an email.)
Now, we know not everyone has money to help with – so we’re taking all kinds of help. If you can figure out some other way to do that, that counts. Maybe you can tell a friend. Maybe you can post about it to social media. Maybe you can forward the email to people in your family who will give… There’s lots and lots of ways to help, and if you can figure out a way? Send that email, letting me know you did. No money needed. (Of course, money is always good too, and even the smallest gifts make a big difference.)
*If you want to contribute a gift, I’m trying to make it easier -I have a better shot at getting it all done if you do this: Take a picture of your gift. Email me with the subject line “Karmic Balancing” with the details, picture and a link, if you want me to use one. When one of the helpers is chosen for a gift, I’ll email you the address, and you can ship it right to them. (It’s not a bad idea to let me know if you have shipping restrictions – I’ll keep track.) I’ll try to get through them all, though it can be overwhelming. Thank you!
I’m off to panic as constructively as possible.
Sending love and good vibrations. Will see what I can do about some cash as well.
Courage, Precious Petunia. And all the best to Pato and your team.
Agree. 100%.
My previous reply tacked onto the wrong message, though, I do agree with Ann, I was writing in support of Al, the medical professional, urging you to take your covid recovery slowly.
You didn’t suggest a donation amount this year, but in honour of your recent birthday, I think $55 has a nice ring to it. Happy belated birthday, and hoping for wings on your wheels.
I agree with Ellen’s suggestion of $55 as a good amount. I just happen to have a bit of extra money this year so I’ll be doing that.
As for you, don’t panic and PLEASE don’t push yourself. You already do so much and your only goal right now should be to take care of yourself and get well. Some people bounce back pretty easily from covid. Others take much longer than you might think to feel fully well. You are needed and appreciated in sooooo many ways to soooo many people, most especially your family. One year of sitting out the ride can help to insure that you’ll be strong for the future. Please don’t jeopardize your help. Thank you.
Donation sent.
Ironically, I am lying in bed with Covid myself, after dodging the whole time. My first lacemaking conference in 4 years and I caught it. Take care of yourself and don’t push too hard. I will find some cash for a donation.
Coincidentally, not ironically. I blame Covid.
I was ready to come in here & throw elbows at the *temerity* of anyone who would correct the grammar of someone who’s ill, then I noted that it was you, correcting yourself, which made me laugh.
I hope you heal up quickly!
LOL! Feeling much better, thanks. And thanks for coming to my defense, too. Still in isolation for a day or so, then I can mask up and rejoin the world.
May you and Pato make full recoveries, even if it means sitting out the Rally this year. Maybe the two of you could be cheerleaders on the sidelines….
I too am in the “after 3 years of dodging this thing I finally caught it” camp, in June on vacation. Thankfully mine was not too bad, but I could cheerfully have done without it. Don’t push yourself; all the experts say that’s the worst thing to do. Sending hugs, and I’ll find some cash too.
Don’t forget to buy the Bike Rally yarn! https://indigodragonfly.ca/collections/bike-rally-2021
But Steph… what happened to first time rider Kate (per Indigo’s page, you have first time rider Kate)?
Donation sent! Remember to take care of yourself first- the oxygen mask on the plane thing. This might be the year to cheer from the sidelines with the rest of us.
I think this is my first comment here? after following you since the Knitlist. Anyway. I had covid in May 2022, followed by thinking I was fine. I was not fine! I’ve been home sick with long covid ever since. PLEASE don’t ride if you have ANY DOUBT AT ALL that you’re well. You don’t want to be housebound and aphasic like me. You know how tired you should be…if you’re more tired than that, STAY HOME.
Yes, the long covid thing is no joke, and it strikes the most random people. Our son-in-law, just turned 30, fit, active, slim to under-weight, fully vaxed, only had The Germ the once, and only mildly at that. Long covid, still, almost 18 months later. Started with the difficulty of fatigue, which resolved after some weeks, but has wrecked his gut to the point of needing specialist care. Friend who works in the medical field tells me that something like 30% of people have on going gut problems…bastard of a disease.
Fundraising and donations can and will happen whether you ride or not, and no matter how far you ride. Covid recovery takes way, way longer than you think it will or “should,” even after a comparatively mild case. There are times when powering through is the right choice, but covid recovery is not one of those times. I’m just about 3 months post-infection and have only recently been able to do my usual level of exercise (and I’m a reasonably active person) without consequence, and it still doesn’t feel 100%.
I agree with you. Caught Covid in March. The tiredness took forever to resolve. My husband was sure he had long covid, and is just starting to feel better.
NORMALLY right about now I would be calling you a slacker, but …
If the moment arrives when Debbi says you’ve passed ‘constructive panic’ and have arrived at ‘what now?’, you can always invite us to donate a little differently:
If we help meet your fundraising goal, you will NOT ride.
You can help PWA without hurting yourself in the process. Just saying.
I’m with you… worried enough about Steph that I will donate extra for NOT riding. I know too many people in bad shape long term from this illness.
THIS.
Same here, y’all. I know it will take a circumstance of epic proportions to cause Steph to sit it out, but this may do the trick.
Same. Long COVID. I’m younger than you, and was completely healthy. Should have rested more. But mine was early 2020 when we didn’t know about long COVID. My heart has permanent changes and my doctor told me last week that I’ll never be an athlete. He said start swimming. And stop when I get tired.
Great idea!
Brilliant!
Lamb, that is the smartest bit of psychology I’ve seen go by this year. You’d almost think you deal with a wide range of people on a regular basis. Listen to her, Steph.
Excellent suggestion! The donations are not about you riding-it’s about helping a worthy cause.
You yourself are vulnerable. You do so much for the rally every year.
The wildfires and air quality are not to be underestimated.
I’d love to see a stadium with good air cleaners and everyone’s bike converted to stationary-no need to exert oneself in wildfire smoky areas. Each one of you are all too precious.
I love the idea of a pickup tailgate party!
We are are rallying for you to get well, not stress your body and be there for the rally next year.
HIV/AIDS interrupts lives that had plans. Every day. So your plans may be a little different this year. It doesn’t make the Rally any less important.
And you are very important to each of us.
Be safe, but you’ve got this! Sending you all the best wishes and high fives.
Look. Supportive of you and really appreciate your writing and all that. Also a medical professional. This is a nasty virus and it takes a while for people to recover to their pre-COVID baseline. The studies in athletes support taking a graduated and relatively slow return to activity. Going from flat on back for two weeks to 50km biking and 31 days of hard training sounds really rough on recovery to me. May I please be the voice on your shoulder that says, “be gentle and kind to yourself; and instead of panicking, please pause and consider options that give you a steady recovery instead of risking longer term exhaustion”???? Please??!
Thank you.
Agree. 100%.
Just donated with my credit card name of Margaret. Do not want karma. Trying desperately to knit up the stash I already have. Will repeat other advice: Be kind to yourself.
You have two grandchildren who will want to keep you with them for as long as possible, so please don’t risk permanent damage to your heart. Ask your doctor what’s safe and if the doctor advises against riding, maybe you could be part of the support group that brings the luggage along every night.
Pet, you’re nuts. I love you, but you’re nuts. You’ve got that Canadian Endurance thing going, where it should be Canadian Survival, as your family would loudly agree.
So listen to Presbytera’s brilliant suggestion, and change the terms— if we raise the money, you WON’T ride. Watch those numbers climb.
If the person who wanted to ride and had just been so sick were an AIDS patient, would you tell them it’s okay to take the year off, the rest of us have got this for you?
Okay then.
So hear us out. Let us donate for your not riding. As one with permanent heart and lung damage from covid, I want you to recuperate better than I did. (My cardiologist says people who’ve had covid have ten times the rate of A-fib of the general population, at surprisingly young ages.)
I am with all the people saying “Don’t ride!” I am happy to donate if you don’t. Take care of yourself.
Don’t ride. Your health is more important. I am donating for you to not ride.
Just donated and left that very message. I was going to donate to all the team members as extra inducement for you to feel you don’t have to ride. Haven’t done it yet but will today!
Yep. I hear the voices suggesting NOT a ride, and while I honor your sense of agency, I also had a mild case of COVID that had noticeable impact on my very stubborn and determined and quite fit self, so I would encourage self-care and caution. I’m going with the $55 donation, and I’ll donate whether or not you ride. But please–consider the “not” challenge!
I am absolutely with Presbytera, and I hope you can trust The Blog enough to know that we will support you NOT to ride as much or more than we have supported you to ride in the past. Anything I have read from medical sources I trust would indicate that pushing yourself physically when recovering from COVID is a very bad idea and puts you at risk for longer-term damage. None of us wants that for you. I truly believe that the more heroic thing for you to do for the 2023 Bike Rally is to continue raising both awareness and funds without riding your bike.
I am nobody’s doctor and for sure I’m not yours. BUT. Pushing yourself after a case of heavy Covid is not a good idea. I will happily contribute but you need to have a serious sit down with your doctor and ask if riding is a good idea. We need you healthy, even if that takes you a while to get there.
Lovely, I’ve been reading this blog since at least Joe got stuck in the alley. Not really a comment gal but …
Pushing yourself after Covid is the worst possible idea. Scientifically. Recover slowly.. Lean back not in. This terrible virus is not done with us and being gentle with yourself is critical.
Dear Stephanie, please don’t ride this year. You need to take care of you, to get your health really back, and be there for your family. I’ve already made donations to you, Ken, and Cameron. And I’ll do more when I can.
I read your post yesterday and the initial chain of comments. I found myself today —while walking home from work, having a mental argument with you. Please listen to everyone above. What is the purpose of the Rally? No, it is NOT to ride a bike excruciatingly long distances. That is merely a means to the end. The end —the goal— is to raise money to combat AIDS.
Each Bike Rally year you have discovered a theme, a personal message to yourself in the event. This year’s theme revolves around how you can think different; force yourself to look outside the box and be brave at embracing a novel approach.
You don’t need to ride to raise the money; you do need to care for yourself in order to continue —this year AND beyond— caring for others.
Never jumped on a bandwagon quicker in my life: DON’T RIDE. We will always support the Bike Rally/PWA because we support you, and right now we support you recovering safely from Covid.
Happy 55 birthday donation.
What a run of not great luck, could be worse, I suppose, don’t want to tempt fate. I will get right on spreading the word, making a donation and will also pull out a bit of Karmic balancing for you.
I’m also happy to hear that you are pacing yourself…keep on that…it will pay off much better than pushing yourself past the limit!
I adopted the phrase “Don’t panic early” years ago, after reading it here. It has helped me through more than one sticky situation. Thank you, and thank Debbi! Now I’m adding “Panic constructively” to my toolbelt, and I am thrilled with that idea, too. Thank you again.
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Like many of you, I’ve been checking the blog several times a week for months hoping for a new post. What is the Harlot up to? Has she taken some trips? What is she knitting? How is the family? Has she been to the lake?
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