The state of things (34 days)

Joe’s been travelling for work. If you’ve been peeking at things over on instagram you probably knew that – it’s been going on for a while. Every couple of weeks he packs off west for a couple of weeks and I’m on my own. This is not my favourite, and the novelty has long worn off. Sure, there are perks – I do find myself good company and don’t mind being alone (sort of). It makes dinner easier, without Joe here at least I don’t have to figure out the unlikely magical dinner that we both feel like making and eating. (The first few times he was away it was a festival of cilantro around here. I love it, he hates it – I ate it every day. I considered ornamenting my oatmeal with it just because I could.) In the unlikely event I clean something it stays cleaner longer, there’s considerably less laundry, the music I play can lean as far in the Depeche Mode and new wave directions as I like and eyes remain unrollled. I don’t have to watch any movies with explosions in them, and it does free one up to knit as much as one pleases without having to rationalize that to anyone, but this isn’t really a perk since after this many years together I wasn’t doing much explaining about the knitting anyway.

The downsides? It’s a little lonely. It’s pretty quiet (though I liked that about it the first 5 trips, it’s worn off now.) I have to lift all the heavy things and do all the household jobs, even if they are particularly gross (Joe has long been trained up to handle anything like that) and I have to do all the jobs that he does, like going to the grocery store, taking out recycling, and at the end of every day I have to clean the kitchen up, which I really hate. For decades I’ve been making dinner and then just walking out of that room without so much as a glace back. I just cook and leave and at some point in before I go back into that room in the morning, Joe cleans up. I love this, and when we’re separated he always remembers how much he hates cooking, and I remember how much I hate cleaning up after cooking, and we both renew our commitment to living together.

Now, I’ve managed ok for the last several trips, but this one… well for starters I’m sick of it, and second… we’ve begun the ramp-up to the holidays, and I miss what is one of Joe’s most spectacular qualities, his seemingly unlimited ability to do errands. You can imagine how valuable this is for a holiday planning type like me. I dream it, he makes it happen. All I have to say is that I need gold staples, red ribbon, two kinds of tape and a butternut squash and Joe will leave the house and not come back until he has those things. I just keep a running list and Joe keeps going. Elliot wants a specific lego kit for Christmas? Joe will go find it. I tell him I really need black thread? Lo, it will appear. Today I am sitting here with my holiday spreadsheet open and every time I fill in a box I reflect on how much more time it’s going to take to make that happen by myself.

I sort of have it in my mind that I’ll get the bulk of Christmas shopping sorted before Joe comes back. There will be some things he’ll have to do, but he won’t have much time to do it, and I figure the shorter his list is the more likely it is that he’ll look forward to coming home. He can walk in the door, and the tree will be up, the shopping sorted, the decorating done and I’ll be … well I will undoubtedly be knitting, because this is the plan.

This my petals, is what I’m planning to knit in the next 34 days* and as usual, this feels reasonable. It is: my November Self-Imposed-Sock-Club socks. (They’re almost done but I put them on there anyway because they need doing.) A sweater for Elliot, a pair of size large socks, a pair of mittens, a pair of slippers, a size 1 baby sweater, a dress for Abigail, my December Self-Imposed-Sock-Club socks (they’re in the paper bag I don’t know what they are because I’m 56, and I packed everything into bags a year ago, and so even though logically I should know what it is because I’ve seen the other 11? No clue. Zip. Will be a total surprise) and finally, my advent socks from The Cozy Knitter.

Can I do it? Who knows. Like I said, that all seems reasonable- I mean… I’ve already done a swatch for Ellie’s sweater and it’s November still and that makes it feel to me like anything is possible, even if I do have to run all my own errands. As usual, I imagine it may be fun to watch – so I’ll keep posting here. I do owe all of you about 50 blog posts anyway, so no time like the present.

Ready? Set? KNIT.

*Not pictured are the three pairs of men’s socks which I am forced to admit shouldn’t be on the table because they are wildly aspirational and only a complete lunatic would think that they could get them done. (Note, because I am a partial lunatic they are just on another table in case it turns out that I am so amazing I even shock myself. You have to be ready for greatness, lest it find you.)

144 thoughts on “The state of things (34 days)

    • The author’s ambitious knitting schedule reveals how crafting serves as both a coping mechanism during separation and a tangible manifestation of love, demonstrating that even as we acknowledge our limitations—like missing a partner’s complementary household skills—we still embrace Wan AI delightfully unreasonable creative challenges that connect us to those we love through the physical embodiment of our thoughts and affections, even when they’re temporarily beyond our reach.

  1. I was wondering if the spreadsheet had been made yet. I started gift knitting a month ago and am still not sure I’ll make it all but hope Hope Hope for the holidays is a good thing. Good luck! The season is upon us.

  2. You give me hope for my projects! My list isn’t nearly as long as yours, so but I don’t knit as quickly as you so we’ll call it even! Ready, set, knit and happy holidays!

  3. My husband’s socks have been in the works for three months now (because I got lured away by quilting, you should see the stack of moon-and-star blocks I made) and you’re probably going to finish ALL your gifts before I do. Good to hear from you Chickiedoodle!

  4. I’ve had a sweater on the needles since this time last year and nothing else. You give me hope that I will finish it in time for Christmas.

  5. Ah, we are in this together. I am frantically trying to finish ups a series of advent solstice mitts (which I started on 11/30/2023) and I still only have 7 done. I cannot explain this. But we shall knit on!

  6. I hope profanity does not offend you, but I feel like a three syllable DAMN seems suitably appropriate for your undertaking. You have skills and sleep is really over rated. I will not point out that there are only 8 days left in November. Nope. Mum’s the word here…

  7. Oh, I have missed your blog! So glad you popped in for a minute! <3 Longtime lurker here, who decided to come out of the woodwork and comment, for once

  8. Yes, be prepared for greatness to find you! Love it! Cuz you never know what is going to happen…and Joe is a keeper for sure.

  9. How lovely! I was just thinking to myself might be time to revisit posts of Christmas past, and here you are with fresh ones. Made my day! Good luck w the aspirational knitting. Mine won’t get done, but I can still dream. And watch you knock it out of the park.

    Love the insights re who hates cooking and who hates cleaning. We have the same drill. I actually hate cooking and cleaning, but I like eating, so do my part. Mustn’t be [too] selfish.

  10. What a wonderful surprise to see you back in your blog. We’ve missed you., love your optimism and ‘conversation’. Keep safe and well and smiling. Sending love and blessings, as always, from Oz

  11. I love the blog and have missed it. It’s such a Christmas present to have a blog post filled with the usual humor and wild optimism about the Christmas knitting. I’m sure that you’ll get it all done. After all it’s all small stuff – just socks, baby things, even Elliot isn’t really that big yet.

  12. I know how you are feeling. Don’t forget you have all of us loyal internet friends to chat with. We are always here. Happy knitting.

  13. My Christmas knitting just involves putting a decent thumb onto my fingerless mitt, though it’s now so cold out there, so I may need to turn it into a full-fledged mitten. (I started in September…..). Looking forward to following the Christmas Knitting Mission, Steph.

  14. I love hearing about your Christmas knitting every time it’s mentioned. The Long Term Planning Box is aspirational. In our family almost everyone has their birthday in November and they get their knits then to be warm during the switchover to Proper Winter, so strangely enough I am currently feeling very relaxed and free to finish non-deadline stuff at my leisure!

  15. Even though Joe may be absent for all the errands, you are so lucky to have a talented and willing errand person
    At my house, I pretty much do it all. So what doesn’t get done is just what it is. Sigh.
    Knit away Harlot, you’ll do just fine!

  16. Even though it happens every year, I forget how much less time I have to knit in December. There’s just so much more STUFF to do. It’s hard to get a pair of socks done for an aunt at the same time as decorating the house, shopping, cooking, and wrapping, but I’m determined to get it done anyway. Good luck!

  17. A blog post! What a happy surprise for my Saturday morning!
    I am not gift knitting this Christmas…I have a yarn advent for myself and plan to knit a shawl but I don’t expect to have it done by Christmas. I have a big exam in February and I’m trying not to put too much pressure on any other aspect of my life before then. Speaking of, back to study!

  18. It’s SO good to see you posting that I really shouldn’t grumble — but…well.. I was widowed at 53 (18 years ago). I moved out of the Big City (Calgary) to a rural hamlet and reinvented myself as an art quilter and now a hooked-mat artist. And I knit A LOT. For my kids (no grandkids) and charity and myself and just because I can’t not knit.

    My DH died of Type 1 Diabetes. Don’t kid yourself; it’s not merely a chronic illness; it will take you down, piece by piece — especially if you were born in the fifties, long before all the fancy equipment that makes surivival easier nowadays.

    See what I mean about grumpy? I asked him before he died to leave an Instruction Manual for Everything Guys Know Because They Just Do — but he didn’t. I’m blessed with a great neighbour who’s helped me more than I can say over the years — I reward him with knit hats and mittens and whatever else I can think of…but yeah. I do all that stuff you’ve been doing since your sweetie has been travelling. My kids live on their own 2+ hours away. So..yeah. I can do anything except grow the extra arm/hand one is supposed to have to follow Man Instructions to Anything that Needs Assembling, or requires Hand Strength. I have small hands so wrestling a wrench isn’t on. Just isn’t.

    So, dear one, I’m happy to see you; I understand from whence you are coming; and I wish you and Joe a LONG and HEALTHY life together. P.S. Get him working on that instruction book, okay? Hugs!

    • Margaret – I am so sorry for your loss. Type 1 Diabetes – people seem to think oh ya, lots of people have diabetes – no big deal. But it is a really harsh disease. I think I’m about the same age as you. Two years ago I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes (yes you read that right) – side-effects of cancer drugs. Suffering from diabetes burnout at the moment – I’m dodging a wrecking ball every day and the ball is winning. I wonder if your husband felt like that. I also wonder if he suffered from high anxiety because of diabetes. I’ve never been an anxious person but I sure am now – so easily startled, I even scare myself. Thank goodness for knitting – I feel like it saves me from completely going over the edge. I’ve dabbled in felting, rug hooking, quilting but I turn most often, every day in fact, to knitting.
      I’m from Saskatchewan and this summer I had the pleasure of visiting rural Alberta – Rosebud – we went to the theatre and Rosebud River Fibre Mill. I’ve also visited Custom Woolen Mills in Linden quite a few times. Love what treasures rural communities offer.
      Keep your chin up, Margaret! I couldn’t help but respond to your post.

  19. Lovely to see you here! And if anyone can do it all, you can. Or maybe not…enjoy the ride. Life is short and unpredictable. Your people will love you anyway ❤️

  20. Hey Steph – It’s so good to hear from you! One thing I am thinking while reading this: at least you don’t have to plan a Thanksgiving dinner next week, on top of everything else! At our house, we don’t even think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving, it’s too much. I love them both, and it really isn’t too hairy for us – we have winnowed it over time to be just what we need – but still, it’s a lot to think about and you have a few extra days on me. I also relate to missing the partner – my hub does all the (what I consider) dirty work, and I do miss his help when he is away (and he misses mine when I am away). ANYway, it’s great to have you back on the blog, hope it isn’t too much added work, and clear sailing ahead to get everything accomplished!

  21. Oh, no! Joe’s away and the Christmas craziness has begun! But there are some possible remedies and/or solutions: Let the “Joe tasks” wait until he gets home (except maybe the grocery shopping). Tell the family they can put up the decorations. Stock up on energy drinks. Warp the space/time continuum so you can get all the knitting done. After the holidays, adopt one or two cats to keep you company when Joe’s away. And remember, if you or any of your impossible missions force….

  22. So nice to read your blog ❤️. Count me among the many who miss reading it. You have a lovely, gentle way with words and the stories you share often so comfortable and cozy. I think this is because you are genuine, warm, loving, and safe. The world, especially the virtual one on the internet, is just that much nicer thanks to your little blog.

  23. If you’re willing to eat peanut butter off a spoon you might be able to slip those 3 pairs of men’s socks back onto the table… greatness: fueled by peanut butter. May the wind float beneath your knitting needles and speed you on your way.

  24. Man, I hate to be the pessimist (aka voice of reason) but that looks totally bonkers! And I LOVE it! I had to let go of Christmas knitting this year because I am in Baby Blanket HELL. Two new nieces this year. All these late life babies means I’m still knitting GD baby blankets.

    I’m making popcorn for your Christmas knitting bonanza!

  25. Miss your writing.
    Miss writing in depth – everything is a short paragraph these days, and I despair. Newspapers shutter, and people are so strangely informed. (yes, I’m American, and you may understand why.)

    I do get it … when the husbeast travels, suddenly I have to schlep out the recycling and garbage, (he’s lousy at dishes and cooking) but I do enjoy the peace and quiet and how clean things stay. It is a strange equilibrium.

  26. I so have missed your posts. I keep checking all the time and was so excited to see you posted again! I am sorry for the lonely and I hope it gets better. Holiday magic will help you with your knitting.

    Cindy

  27. You can do it! You always do, one way or another. I hear you and feel you on the push-me-pull-you feeling of having the spouse away–on the one hand things really are much quieter; on the other hand, they’re so much quieter! Happy holiday month and keep us posted!

  28. Oh yes, old-fashioned reasonable (but hefty) Christmas knitting goals! I love that so much and I love even more that you’re going to blog about it. Thank you!

  29. I check week after week for your blog. I don’t get discouraged. I know you will be there once again. Then, today, I am rewarded! YARN HARLET is there.

    Thank you, Steph, for the light you share.

    Diane

  30. What a lovely surprise; no access to Instagram but trusted all was well. Sorry for the lonely; know the feelings all too well… in your case, Joe will return and all will be worthwhile with family and friends. Look forward to hearing of your holiday adventures and how you ultimately tame the crush. Welcome back; we’re here when you have a moment. Thank you for it all.
    Bonnie aka Knitsiam

  31. Hang in there!! He will be home soon and things will go back to normal. I live alone and totally wish I had someone to clean the kitchen, take out the trash, occasionally walk the dog and put up Christmas I do it all alone and so can you gurl!! MY wish is that I could knit as proficiently as you! Have a wonderful Holiday!! you got this

  32. Jim is now retired, so doesn’t travel much without me, but when he does I sooooo miss his willingness to handle the gross or anything at all to do with mice. I’m irrational – and ok with that – in my fear and loathing of them and it is absolutely guaranteed that the minute he’s gone one of those bastard rodents is going to walk right in the front door and hang up it’s keys like it owns the joint. Since the cats only play catch and release, I’ve been known to call a neighboring friend to come remove it. I can do just about anything else on the farm except that.

    Is it just me or does this year’s pile of yours seem even more ambitious than usual? Either way, I’m ready for the show.

  33. Like many others, I really miss your blog! I do read Instagram, but I’m sort of a stick-in-the-mud dinosaur and feel like it’s not quite as satisfying as a good blog visit with you. (Except for the second a day posts … LOVE those!) I have been rereading the blog from inception, and today’s read was 1/20/2020, about change. It was so prescient, and rang such a bell! Anyway, do what you do, and let us know. And Merry knitmus to you!
    Jamie

  34. Your posts are the best! Thank you for writing. Your pile of knitting projects makes me feel far less stressed about my ( considerably smaller) pile of knitting.

  35. Your gift of writing is very special. I love reading the blog. I hope you’re able to astound yourself but if not love yourself anyway! Thank you for the post! Happy knitting and safe travels to Joe!

  36. What a delightful surprise to come across a blog post from you! Although you are responsible for me ordering an Advent calendar sock kit that I most definitely did not need (but can hardly wait to see!).

    Wishing you and your family well this holiday season; can’t wait to hear more about the infamous Christmas spreadsheet!

  37. I needed that last photo to make me feel better. I’ve unpacked my case after a four day knitting retreat and now there is so much wool heaped on flat surfaces. I swear I didn’t pack that much (although it would explain why I had trouble closing the case)

    I have half a sock to finish and provided I actually knit it, I’ll be fine.

  38. In our house it is my husband who happily wraps the presents and I who happily run the errands. And when he is gone, these days not often, I really like it….until I don’t.

  39. Godspeed to you and your knitting! May the aspirational socks not give you guff this holiday season, and take no crap from the spreadsheet. I have a tentative relationship with gift knitting, BUT it just so happens the cardigan I started for my mom in the summer is finished in time for Christmas. Fortuitous! Thank you for another lovely post.

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  43. As someone who develops digital card games, I really resonated with your post about holiday preparations! At Pokemon TCG Pocket, we also understand the joy of collecting and organizing. Your knitting spreadsheet reminds me of how our players plan their card collections. Love how you keep those “aspirational” socks on a separate table – sometimes we need that extra bit of optimism! Good luck with your holiday knitting marathon!

  44. I can totally relate to the mixed feelings of being alone! As someone who created Destiny Matrix, I often find myself working solo on life path calculations. Like you, I’ve learned to appreciate the quiet moments while still missing the partnership dynamics. Your holiday knitting ambitions made me smile – reminds me that whether we’re mapping destinies or crafting gifts, we all need that touch of optimism! Hope Joe returns soon to handle those errands!

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  46. It sounds like you’ve found a fun way to make the most of Joe’s travels! Enjoying some solo time can definitely have its perks, like having the freedom to indulge in your favorite meals and music without compromise. Plus, who doesn’t love a little extra knitting time? Here’s hoping Joe’s trips wrap up soon so you can enjoy some quality time together again!

  47. These are the posts from you I love. I have 3 babies I have to knit for. One is already here! I didn’t know! The other two are in April. Co-workers get sweaters; family gets blankets (ideally). That is two sweaters and a blanket. I ordered yarn for the blanket, it was a delicate pale purple on the internet. It is light grey, still nice, but not what I was expecting. There will be drama. I love knitting drama.

  48. I’m late to the party because RSS feeds arent what they used to be, but I still check in when I rememeber. And here is a post!! Blogs are so much better than social media. (It is too addictive for me, so I stay away.) Sigh. I miss the old days!

    I love the love between you and Joe, and all the little ways you show each other. I hope your Christmas knitting went smoothly and that your new year has been gentle. I’ll look for a better way to subscribe to the blog.

  49. What a heartfelt and relatable post! Your reflections on balancing creativity, productivity, and the ever-present challenges of life truly resonate. It’s amazing how knitting can serve as both a meditative escape and a source of grounding during busy times.
    At G-Team (https://www.g-team.org), while our work is more tech-focused, I can’t help but see parallels in the way creative hobbies like yours offer clarity and focus—something we all need to stay balanced.

    Wishing you all the best for the coming days—may they bring both progress and peace. Keep sharing these thoughtful updates; they’re a joy to read!

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  54. Sounds familiar! Solo time’s okay at first, then the mundane chores pile up. I get the holiday prep stress, especially the errands. My partner’s a champ, too. Finding the perfect gift is like navigating a tricky Geometry Dash level!

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  56. Haha, I totally get the cilantro and music freedom! Sounds like a crazy busy 34 days, but you got this! 关键词 Knitting is always a good plan. Good luck getting all your knitting done before Joe gets back!

  57. Haha, totally get it! The solo life has its perks, like the cilantro feast and blasting Depeche Mode, but man, those holiday errands without Joe sound brutal. Good luck with all that knitting – maybe a random song generator could help keep the vibe going while you tackle those needles!

  58. This is so relatable! Especially the part about how much you appreciate Joe’s errand-running skills when he’s away. And yes, a random song generator is definitely a must for solo dance parties when the house is all yours

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