Yesterday I fell off my bike. (Spoiler: I’m completely fine, nobody panic.)
I’ve been struggling with training, not so much the riding itself, but how alone it is. For a bunch of reasons all related to &^%&ing covid, training has been lonely this year and I get worn down by the idea of hours and hours on the bike alone and it takes a huge leap of will to get me out there. When I first learned this about myself a few years ago I was pretty surprised. For the most part I enjoy time alone and find myself pretty good company, usually that time recharges my batteries and stokes my creative fires. (Why, yes gentle reader, this has been a challenge over the last few years as Joe has worked from home and is able to supervise me all day.) I’d have imagined these long rides, hours and hours on the bike (unsupervised) easy for me. I’d hook up with a good audiobook and fly off, but it turns out that really only works for the first three hours or so and then it’s like the whole thing triggers whatever part of my psyche is responsible for self-esteem to start working against me. (“Alone again eh? Where are your friends? Don’t have any? Shall we spend the next 50km reflecting on the disastrous elements of your personality and past mistakes that have left you here?”) I know it’s a trick of the circumstances and I just have to endure it, but I am truly surprised that I am so bad at being alone on the bike when I am so good at it everywhere else. This realization has made something crystal clear for me -there is only one thing missing when I am on the bike, only one element of who I am as a person that I don’t have with me when I ride, and that is knitting.
It turns out that I am not good at being alone, but rather good at knitting alone, and this means that my best friend is knitting and knitting is what I find to be good company, and I know that this would sound bonkers to any other group in the world, dear Blog, but I’ve known this for a while. I’m a dork who’s best friend is inanimate and rather yarnish – but has always been there for me and never let me down, not in the fifty years we’ve been together, so knitting (and how I wish I could be with it while I ride) was what I was thinking about as I left the house yesterday for a 70km cycle. (That’s about three or four hours on a bike – depending. Can you imagine how many socks I could finish the Rally week if it were possible to knit and cycle?)
In no particular order, I was thinking about:
-How the Team Knit fundraising yarn that Indigodragonfly dyed for us this year had arrived and I need to wind it and start knitting – It’s going to be my Rally knitting this year. (I have four skeins and clearly, high hopes.)
-How happy I am with the Deschain I just finished and I wonder what else I could wear it with besides that black dress although that’s sort of working.
(Yarn is a fab 100% cotton from Berrocco called Estiva. I liked it a lot more than I thought I would – it’s got a tape/chainette construction so it’s springier and more fun than I usually think cotton will be. It’s also sadly discontinued but maybe you’ll find some around.
I used just 2.5 balls for this wonder.) I made it an extra two repeats longer because absolutely nothing about my body, age, or personality screams with a desire for a crop top. (Since childhood I have considered my belly button mine alone and nothing about middle age has changed this.)
-That despite wearing my linen Donner almost daily, I still don’t have good pictures of it and I really need to get that done.
-Also when I get home I really have to order my Cozy Knitter advent skein because even though it is freaking scorching out winter is coming.
-Oh, that if I can find a few hours where I don’t have to ride a bike I’ll be finished my Malaquite Tee.
I’ve knit the body and the sleeves and now I’ve just got to sew them together and knit the neckband. So close, so close.
Also I was reflecting that if I could drag myself away from River Ripples I probably would have finished that tee shirt by now and that really my ability to be monogamous to a project hasn’t really changed much over the years, and as a matter of fact, might be worse.
I was thinking about all of this (and a few other knitting related things, as I turned at the bottom of my street and started travelling in the bike lane to the road that takes me down to the Waterfront Trail. (It’s my go-to for riding alone because it’s really long -more than 3600km, but at least in these parts it’s used enough that I feel like there could always be a bit of help if you were in trouble.) So I’m cycling along, and there’s the usual amount of traffic for the city, and I’m mentally winding yarn, trying on sweaters and mucking with mattress stitch while looking ahead (I should order more of that linen from Espace Tricot it was nice) and I see that the light has turned yellow (I’ll block the pieces of that Tee later so it’s easier to seam) so I automatically start to gear down (I wonder if that River Ripples will be much longer after it’s washed) start to slow down (is that swatch still on my desk so I can do the math?) and gracefully come to a complete stop at the light. (I love knit/purl stitch patterns. I should do one on the Rally socks.)
Next thing I know, I am lying splayed in the bike lane, half on the sidewalk, across the curb, utterly flattened, and before I can figure out what happened I hear the cyclist behind me say “wow.” I start to scramble up but I’m still attached to my bike by my shoe clips and so I have to sort of lift the bike so I can swing my ankles to release it all the while saying “I”m fine, I’m fine, go around me, go around me” and wondering (for the 938356th time in my life if you could actually die of embarrassment, because here, darling blog, is what happened.
I came to an efficient, well timed and appropriate stop, and then – because I was thinking about knitting and not bike riding, I just… stopped. I didn’t unclip, I didn’t put my foot down. I didn’t even try to do those things. I simply stopped, and then as I reflected on seed stitch vs moss, on cables with dropped stitches, and on straight and tidy seams and pretty sweaters…
I let gravity take me.
I picked myself up and checked myself over and aside from a wicked bruise or two and a scraped knee I had to soak rather a large amount of gravel out of, I’m fine. As usual the biggest injury is to my pride – and to my bike since I tore my handlebar tape, but that’s pretty fixable I think. I got back on my bike and headed for home, having decided while lying in the dirt that maybe it wasn’t my day, but as I got closer to the house my knee stung a little less and my dignity (having had much practice) sprang back and I took a deep breath, thought about my goals and how close the Rally is and turned myself around again, and went to finish my 70km. I am feeling very good and adult about that.
The fall did – um, let’s call it “refocus” me on what I’m supposed to be doing, if rather painfully. For the next two weeks until the Rally I’ve got a few goals. First, I’m hoping that Team Knit will meet their fundraising goals. We’ve got a long way to go. Here’s our links for fundraising – our goals are on those pages and you can see that like almost everything this year- we’re behind.
Second, to inspire you to help me find ways to meet those goals – I’m going to try and blog as much as I can between now and departure, and I’m hoping we can get into a lovely rhythm. I’m inspired by your giving to write – maybe you’re inspired by the writing to help PWA and maybe we can all see that the people they serve have what they need for the next year. I can’t thank you enough for getting us all as far as you have.
Third I am going to finish that Tee before thinking about it breaks my arm or something.
I think the Deschain would look lovely over everything and I have extreme color choice envy. I wear mine over jeans and pants to pretend I am dressed when I am only wearing a tank top. The only problem I have with it which may be a me/yarn choice/size choice is that I am destroying it by snagging it on everything. Hope it cools off for you for the rally.
Wow Stephanie! Isn’t it amazing how many things you can think between stopping and falling? I’ve done the same thing. Just beautifully stopped and not clipped out. Unlike some, my balance is not sufficient for me to stay up when I’m not moving. The bruises from said falls are amazing. Hope you’re not too store today! You’ve got this though! Your knitting will be ready for you as well!
I bought my skein of the fundraising yarn when you first mentioned it, and it is GORGEOUS! Set me back a bit – now I have to think of a project that deserves it…
You are such a hero, turning around and finishing your ride! I could only ever aspire to that kind of moxie!
You’re the inspiration and don’t you forget it. Good to know that you bounce back so quickly. Humor. Ha!
Knitting is a current best friend. Along with books and reading. And gardening. I’m struggling with carving out alone time and then when I do it’s like “wait”, You can’t have fun without me! Dilemmas.
Ride like the wind. And we’ll be sending good vibes and some $$.
I totally missed the fundraising skein announcement! So glad it was mentioned… because I think I just got the last skein of MerGoat sock (it was 1 left when I checked out)
I know it’s wrong that I laughed a little when I saw what was coming in your story. It’s not that I was laughing at you, but that I have had exactly the same failure-to-get-foot-on-the-ground, fall sideways from a complete stop moment. I’m glad you weren’t hurt. To make up for my inappropriate laughter, I’m sending a bit to team knit right now.
Oh shoot. I was going to suggest getting a clear bag that straps to your handlebars, that you could put two or three skeins of yarn in, so that you could look at them and think about what you might knit out of them.
But maybe not.
I really needed the laugh that you provided today!!! Thanks!!!!!
I did exactly this on my motorcycle at least 3 times..stopping and not putting my feet down or putting my feet down where the shoulder was a lot lower than the road and my foot wouldn’t reach. I finally gave up the motorcycle as I was getting too old to fall gracefully and I took the toe clips off my bicycle.
Get the gravel out and ride, ride and ride. Your shirt sweater/skirt combo is lovely.
I sure have been there. Isn’t it one of the first things we learn when riding. Put your feet on the ground when you come to a stop. Found myself in the street with my Harley on me with no highway bars. Nothing scarier than not being able to crawl out from under that bike. I aged out as well. Wish Stephanie and everyone else whether motorcycle or bicycle safe riding!
My donation inspiration to you was just made. Proud of your commitment to this cause.
“(Since childhood I have considered my belly button mine alone and nothing about middle age has changed this.)”
Neatly put! It bugs me that so many people seem to assume that covered=ashamed, instead of covered=MINE, ALL MINE, NOT FOR YOU.
Incidentally, if I was doing a Bike Rally in pandemic time (or any other time, if I’m honest) it would be on an exercycle. With, obviously, knitting.
Thanks, Stephanie. A while ago you asked on Insta, what it would take to get us to donate? and I thought, you asked. That’s what it takes. But selfish me also thought many of us would happily be bribed with blog posts. Great thinking!
Hope you are recovered now from the little tumble. I’ve done this – fallen off sideways from a full stop. And I don’t even clip in! I just seem to sometimes forget to put a foot down, or put it down in the wrong spot. The older I get, the less charming this is, so last year I sold my diamond-frame bike and now ride a step-through hybrid. I’ll never be fast (70km would be nearer 4.5 hours), and I’m sure I will fall again, but I feel safer without that top tube to foil me if I do go down. Take care out there. Knees heal, but breaking an arm would seriously interfere with knitting.
Could you say what the deadline is, please? I expect you have, somewhere, but it’s not here, so I think your sense of urgency continues to outpace ours.
August 7-12th are the ride dates.
Donations always open if you miss them!
The Deschain turned out just lovely. I like the longer length.
Laughed out loud and had to share the crop top comment. So agree.
So sorry you fell…and those !@#$g clip in pedals. They’re fine when you’re zooming along vertical but the minute that axis tilts….well, you know all too well.
Get those teammates riding along with…you’ll be Distancing but together.
Wish more of us were nearby to be knitter mileposts along the training route.
Thank you for caring and inspiring even when you’re having a rough day…week…month…lockdown. it really does help to have a dose of reality when it seems the rest of the world lives on Planets Pinterest and Instagram.
I think I know what caused the bike accident. You’ve been working with cotton, linen, and hemp a lot lately. So, it is possible that you caught a whiff of wool fumes and they went to your head.
Seriously, put a first-aid kit on that bike. And, it is nice to see our YH exploring the non-wool yarns again.
Deschain looks great, and River Ripples looks very gauzy. The tee is very taupe. I’ll believe Donner when I see it. BTW, how’s the gansey coming along?
Those are really terrific summer sweaters!
Lots of inspiration there. River Ripples looks fun.
Ouch on the fall. Amazing that you could get out for the rest of the 70km.
Very happy to read blog posts whenever you can fit them in.
About 18 months ago I rode to meet a friend at an art gallery. I stopped at lights a few blocks away from the gallery and was getting off to step onto the footpath so I could check whether I needed to turn left or right. My foot clipped the seat of the bike and I fell. Into the gutter, outside a pub.
Fortunately my friend still has small children and carries bandaids at all times. My favourite trousers were rescued with a patch.
Good luck with the ride!
Here’s an essay that has stayed with me that centers on a mom with aids. I hope it can add a sanctity to the loneliness of your rides because your efforts bring people together. Respect!
And . . . . Here’s the link: https://audacity.substack.com/p/knee-deep?r=a0aa&s=r&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email&utm_source=direct
If it works. Wow, this is awkward. Ok, it’s an essay by S. Silverman called Knee Deep on Roxane Gay’s Audacity substack. . . .(backs out of door waving goodbye awkwardly).
Thank you for the link! I read that essay and wow! It really took me back to my first interaction with a friend who got the dad-blasted plague. I miss him still.
Carry on!
mm
The problem with falls is that you never know if it’ll feel better the next day or if you don’t really feel it till then. Glad you were able to go back to riding. (And a day off sitting and knitting is okay too if that’s how the day wants to go.)
Okay. All that said and worried over and put aside now, go team go!
(Coming back to add, I really really like that sweater. And I love it on you.)
Just donated – I would have given to Pato, as the donation underdog, but he has met his goal – and didn’t fall off HIS bike today.
PS My favorite jeans got embellished following a less-graceful-than-yours fall from my bike. I think I sort of fell off a sidewalk in my neighborhood. They should be retired but they are still good for cleaning the bathroom.
Clearly you were feeling lonely while riding alone, and gravitated (sort of a joke there) to your inanimate knitting friend in your head, and WHOOPS!
Unfortunately, for biking and driving, some part of your brain needs to be attending to those activities. As I say ad nauseum to my daughter – stay safe!
I think I am also guilty of getting distracted by thinking about knitting, though I have never (that I can recall) injured myself because of it. Like you, I struggle with doing things that I can’t do while also knitting, and exercise is definitely a big one. I hope that you can find a good way to keep knitting on the brain while cycling without hurting yourself again!
You darling!
I will be sending a donation soon (I prefer to wait a few days so my ankle heals so I can get to the bank and put the money in my credit card account–sorry, I don’t expect many people to understand, but I am an old woman and I don’t want unpaid credit card accounts…..). But the ankle is better, so it won’t be long, hopefully.
Come to a standstill without unclipping? I always do…because I have a sport trike. And it doesn’t matter how slowly I go up hills because I can’t tip over.
Also — you can bribe us into just about anything with the promise of more blogging.
I am on a limited/fixed income, so donating money is not really a viable option for me right now. I do, however, have a very SABLE Stash, and will happily donate some balls of sock yarn – whatever color anyone wants – to your prize/reward stuff. In the US only, please. I have a wide variety of brands, almost all are wool/nylon blends, and I doubt there is a color I can’t come up with. Whatever you want/need is up for grabs.
OMG – so glad you weren’t hurt. I had a minor fall from my bike but unfortunately the cement was very unforgiving and I broke my shoulder, tore a thumb ligament in my hand, knocked out a tooth, 3 stitches in my lip. The absolute worst injury in my life from a very minor fall – and it meant I was unable to knit at all for almost 6 months!!! So glad you didn’t go there – it really messes with your head when you’re isolated from the pandemic and can’t do the only thing that keeps you semi-sane.
We surely miss you. Yes, we absolutely understand about thinking about knitting whilst doing other things. You are doing the good work and we appreciate the lonely rides. Thanks for being you.
I don’t use toe clips for that very reason, one time I didn’t get my feet out in time and I was lucky that I fell to the left; had I gone right I would have been under a very big truck. That scared me right off toe clips. (In NZ so we drive on the left).
“Crouching Knitter Finished Sweater” — the marvelous new martial arts pose. Love it!
So you can’t pair-up knitting with bike-riding. I can tell you something that you can pair-up with knitting, and it’s writing. It has to be fairly mindless knitting, if you are also thinking about plots and characters and book-signings, but it works for me. I’m three-fourths into a sequel, and I’ve knit about nine red scarves for a hospital women’s cardiac program. When this year’s bike-rally is over, maybe it’s time for you to get off the bike and start your next book.
Three things, I want to say (I think).
I. I am so happy to hear from you and so glad you are basicly ok if a tad bruised.
2. Would you please check in maybe once a week so we, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this, don’t worry about you? Hearing about you is like a letter from a best friend, and I am absolutely sure I am not alone in this; we care very much about you.
3. A knitting question, I have never knitted a sweater and what I want to knit, I haven’t found a pattern for… a cardigan that has sleeves where the stripes go up and down instead of round the arm. Is there any? Does anyone know? Will a designer take up this challenge if there isn’t? If you are ever able to come to Maine, you are welcome to stay with us. We will feed you too!
Anyway hugs and again, thank you for sharing your life with me. TA
Yikes! That fall sounds awful. I am so impressed that you turned around and went back at it. (I am also impressed that you routinely do 70 km rides but I guess that’s necessary when you are training for the rally.) So, in recognition of your dedication I am going to make a second donation. Good luck with the rest of the fundraising.
Two words:. PRINCE MUSIC
First, I swear aim laughing with you, not at you. But the visual of what the cyclist behind you must have seen just about killed me.
Second, damn, girl, you’ve got some fine legs there. As one who had a friend ask of my skinny chicken legs, “how do those even hold you up?” O have some serious gam envy going here.
And sorry for all the typos there, typing on my phone and going a bit too fast.
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Oh my goodness gracious, me oh my, I needed that laugh. A good 2 minutes until I cried and had to haul out a tissue. Periodic snorts and chuckles as the visual comes back to me.
It has been a long, long few years and it keeps getting grimmer. Your writing and timing is such a treasure and you are so generous to share your humanity (and humility) with us in such a entertaining way.
Thank you, dear Stephanie.
Ooooooh I hope the bruises are going and the knee is better. You are TOUGH – I don’t think I would have turned round and continued …
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It’s fascinating how you’ve realized that your passion for knitting is intertwined with your ability to enjoy solitude. It seems like knitting not only provides a creative outlet but also offers a comforting presence that you miss during your long bike rides. It’s amazing how hobbies like knitting can become such a fundamental part of our identity and mental well-being.
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A very sincere and profound sharing, revealing both the loneliness of cycling alone and making the reader smile at the enduring, free online games, and warm friendship between you and… knitting.