Tips for Olympian knitters near the end…or edge. Your choice.

1. Choose a pattern that does not have you knitting for invisible progress. See this?

Oh, wretched little hems of injustice, how I loathe and admire thee…

I adore the way that Dale of Norway has these wonderful details. Hems that fold up, facings to cover bare edges, it’s all so brilliant and beautiful. Sadly, this means that a chunk of knitting (12 rounds on each of the sleeves and the body) are knit, then turned up to the inside so that you have gained no length.

This is a tactical error, and at the olympic level, small choices matter. Look for ribbing. Not hems. (Note: whatever you do, do not do a sweater with hems AND ribbing. This way lies madness.)

2. Food that can be delivered is a good thing. Pizza is our favourite, and I would steer you off of Chinese. It comes with chopsticks which resemble knitting needles and offers no psychic relief.

3. Do not accept offers of “massages” or “rubdowns” from your mate, no matter how well intentioned. This is not a time saver, but an attempt to get you to do something other than knit. Something you don’t have time for. Mumble “see you Monday” at them and keep on going.

4. Cast on all remaining parts of your project right now. It won’t help you get done any faster, but it makes it look like it.

5. Be smart. If say, you had to take a bus and give a talk tonight, and you are a pretty good knitter but not so good that you can juggle a talk, the public transportation system and a freakin’ chart… Cast on the sleeve and stay up half the night getting to the part where it is knit plain so that you don’t have to give up Olympic knitting time to earn a living.

6. About earning a living…two words. Sick days.

Use ’em. (Note: this works less well if your work is knitting related and your office is in your living room.)

7. Rent a series from the video store and lock yourself in the house. I recommend Drama. Lots of talking, no reason to look up.

(Note: arrange childcare first.)

8. Don’t laugh when your husband tells you that the kids are getting really “Fair Isle”. It’s your fault that he’s using knitting lingo instead of real words like “Feral“. You’re the one who made his life all about the wool and stopped contributing to the parenting team. Besides, angry men do less housework.

9. Take a break if your hands hurt. You don’t want a knitting career ending injury. Spend some time surfing the sites of some of the other Olympians and live to fight another day.

10. Don’t take it too seriously. No one will die and you will not lose your home, funding or job if you don’t finish. It’s about learning something about knitting and rising to a challenge. Not all olympians win gold. They are still Olympians.

Contest:

The correct answer is that Cassie Campbell and I both come from the same hometown...Brampton Ontario. (There are going to be some people from Brampton who protest this. They are going to claim that I come from “Bramalea”. (Which is true.) This is a bone of huge contention, tricky because technically speaking Bramalea does not exist, having been absorbed by the city of Brampton in 1974. Old habits die hard however, and most of the folks who live in that part of town still say they live in Bramalea (Even though it doesn’t exist.) and write it on their return address.

The winner of the Fleece Artist sock yarn, chosen randomly from among all of the correct answers is Imbrium. Send your snail mail to me cookie, and I’ll get it in the mail. (Monday.)