Have we ever spoken of my love for babies? I know that there are many people who find them tiresome and complex, but I love them. Generally speaking, if you are under three months old…I’m your lady. I know what they want, I know how they want it, and my patience for them is just about infinite. I will, very, very happily walk a baby for hours to put them to sleep. (Although this is seldom necessary, since human beings that small seem to find me boring on a cellular level. You put them in my arms and they check out.) The only exception to this rule, naturally, was my own children. Amanda (who I credit with teaching me many of my skills) screamed herself purple-faced for just about every moment of the first three months of her life. This experience has left in me a profound aversion to what we call “that noise”. I will run around the block, I will swing, dance, sing and jump, anything to keep babies from making “that noise”. Such is my dedication to preventing *that noise*, along my profound belief that babies cry because they have problems, (even if we don’t know what they are) that me and my team of dedicated baby-wranglers will perform any feat of human endurance regardless of it’s ridiculousness.
Once, when Hank (who is still using the downstairs bathroom…to update yesterday’s trauma) was a tiny baby, my sister had to leave him for a few hours. She left the wee bundle here and he began to make “that noise”. I worked my baby voodoo. I danced, swayed, thumped, jumped, patted….I put him in the baby sling and wandered the night, all to no avail. Hank and I were both beside ourselves with my failure. As we approached critical meltdown levels of “that noise”, one of the girls needed me upstairs so I tucked the tiny Hankster under my arm football style and jogged up the stairs. Silence. Complete blessed silence.
I walked to the bedroom…”that noise” returned. I jogged back down the stairs…Silence.
The next two and a half hours were spent with Joe, Ken and I running up and down the stairs with my nephew tucked under our arms in shifts. When one persons legs began to burn out, they would stagger to the living room, breath ragged, arms outstretched, wee babe extended and desperately pass off the tiny dude to the next waiting adult. We were crippled for days, we still talk about it, it has become an epic family story spoken about in hushed tones and with great reverence. It was insane, it was maniacal…it could likely be used to lock me up, but the important thing was that while we did it…the baby did not make “that noise”.
Consider then, how I must have felt when I got this picture in my inbox with the subject line “Quinn loves her new sweater”.
That, is Quinn, the baby next door. She is wearing a Morehouse Merino sweater and hat made by me. As much as you and I know that it should be impossible, the sweater and hat are apparently making her cry. (I have enough experience with babies that I understand that explaining to her that this is very good merino is not going to do me any good) She is making that noise, and it is my knitting that is doing it. This disturbs me to no end, but somehow, the only way I could think of responding to that picture was like this.
Maybe she’s crying ’cause her feet are cold. Yeah, that’s it. Please don’t judge me for never even considering for a moment that the answer to Quinn’s troubles might be less merino…and not MORE.
(psst…Greg and Kat, go look in your mailbox, but for the love of your neighbours sanity, warm them up before you put them on her.)
The parade of thank you gifts continues!
The charming and kind Nina has 7 skeins (one bag) of Dyed in the Wool, Wool/Silk, 60% fine merino, 40% cultivated silk, 3.5 oz hanks, 234 yards each that looks like this
and will be travelling the mail service to Pamela R.
Nanette Blanchard has graciously donated a copy of her book “Stranded Colour Knitting” (which would be a big help if you were to say…give up your life to knit Latvian Mittens?) and the lucky recipient is Kimberly Q.
Remember “I never win anything” Caroline L. from yesterday? She donated three kits to make her beautiful Mobius Scarf
and one each will be making their way to the needles of Seanna, Erin L. and Lori G.
Yesterday Jayme sent me the most beautiful stitch markers, gold, hematite, rose quartz…
and in her remarkable generosity has a set each to give to Lori in Ohio and Tara T.
and a beaded handle for a felted bag for Cate (you get to choose a colour if you email before friday. run Cate run!)
My most sincere thanks to the donors and congratulations to the recipients! (whom I have emailed)
Live near me?
My darling man is holding a concert/party fundraiser for MSF at his studio, MonuMental Sound and Music on Saturday night. Joe and I will be partying with the likes of The Skydiggers, The Cash Brothers, Jessy Bell-Smith, Peter Elkas with local genius and all round good guy DJ Sky fillin’ it in.
There’s no way to go wrong with this much talent in one place, and it’s destined to be an exceptionally good time. To get on the list, all you need to do is make a donation of $25 or more to MSF and email the receipt to Joe at firstname.lastname@example.org
or email me and I’ll send you more info. Party with the Harlot. Do good works, hear good music.
You heard it here first.
Llama, llama, DUCK.
(see yesterday’s comments)