I’ve been plodding away on the blue sweater, and I’m not sure what’s happening between us, but I can tell you that it’s not magic. It’s awkward and weird and I keep making mistakes. In short, it’s like grade 9 all over again.
I plugged away the other night, and trudged haplessly through the back of the thing, making mistake after mistake. I find this stitch pattern difficult, mostly because it’s worked on both the right and wrong sides of the work, and the wrong side keeps going all wrong. I’d finish a wrong side row, turn it around and then see the mistakes – where the slipped stitches were slipping in the wrong direction, and I’d have to tink back a row, correct it and carry on. I eventually realized that I just didn’t have my head in the game hard enough, and I summoned the focus of a laser and started to work on it with a fever. I counted stitches, I put the chart right in front of me, I turned up the lights and I abandoned my glass of wine for tea. (Desperate times, desperate measures- all that.) I stuck to that diamond shaped repeat like glue, and after several hours of knitting like I really meant it, the back was finished. 
Hope renewed, I cast on for the left front and stuck to that. It was all going pretty well until I got to the decreases, which I attempted, only to arse them within an inch of their lives. The seam side increases, and the front edge decreases and both of those happen at different rates and a different number of times and the instructions are written in that way that sends me screaming into the woods. It says –
"Inc 1 st at side seam edge of next and 4 foll 8th rows and at same time dec 1 sts at slope edge of next and 5th foll 4th rows, then on every foll 6th row."
See what I mean? I executed that once and realized I’d gone too far and had too few stitches, then ripped back partways to where I thought I was right and took another run at it, only to end up with an even rather than odd number of stitches, which meant I’d done something off again, and then realized that I’d decreased on one row where I should have increased on that row and that row was way, way back and at that point I called it a night, but not before doing a few reassuring rounds on a sock so that I could feel like a knitter.
The next night I gave both myself and the sweater a talking to, and took another run. This time I assembled a row counter, post it notes and made myself a little chart of the increases and decreases. I did the whole shebang again – this time entirely ending up with the right number of stitches, only to find this instruction:
Left front now matches back to beg of armhole shaping.
It did not. This, I interpreted as some sort of vicious knitting joke – or at least that’s what I told myself I as I ripped the shaping part back into oblivion. The next run ended me up at the same place (with some rows tinked back for slipped stitch errors) and I decided then just to knit another stinking 6 cm to get it to where it had to be. I know that’s a copout, but the other choice was setting fire to the whole thing while dancing over it in a fit of rage, which Joe frowns on in the living room, and it was raining too hard to make a bonfire work outside.
That done, I spread it on my knee and admired it, somewhat unhappily. It was at this moment that I remembered that after six repeats of slipped stitch diamonds, I was supposed to switch to slipped stitch zig zags, and a quick count revealed that I’d gone too far. I had seven repeats, one too many. I successfully resisted the urge to gnaw the cast on edge of it as an expression of frustration, but instead I very maturely ripped back a diamond, and began the zig-zag part.
Doing that part of the chart felt really fresh, really new, really interesting, and for a little while I felt better about it, until I realized that it shouldn’t feel fresh and new, because it’s the same pattern on the back. Six diamonds and then a zig-zag- and if I’d already done this, then why was it charming?
I reached for the back, already knowing the truth. Sure enough, I’d been so focused on get the diamonds right that I’d gotten them right all the way up. Not a zig-zag in sight. That means, gentle readers, that I’ve got to rip the back all the way back to the top of the sixth diamond and try actually following the chart.
Bugger it all.
Awash in hopelessness for this sweater, I went and got a glass of wine (abstaining sure as s**t wasn’t helping) and returned to the front. I’d do that right, then at least have a finished part before I had to do the demoralizing work of ripping up the back. Right there, after the sixth completed diamond, I started the zig-zags, all the while reminding myself that knitting is relaxing and I like it.
As I churned out the zig-zags, I was struck by a thought. Maybe future trouble with this sweater could be prevented if I spent a little time studying the pattern and looking for trouble spots. I went and got a hi-lighter, and started to mark up the pattern. I marked all the spots I tell my students to mark. Words like "at the same time" and "also" and noting the number of repeats of things and the correct stitch counts that the sweater should have at certain points to give me landmarks.
It was while I was doing this, that I happened to notice something. Seven. Seven was the number of diamonds before the zig-zags. SEVEN. Not six, not none – SEVEN. That means that the back is entirely wrong, and that the front was right until I ripped it back and re-knit it so it could be wrong and it was at that exact moment that I put this entire sweater into an opaque bag, so that I don’t even need to see it’s smarmy little stitch pattern staring at me and mocking me through the night. I can feel it smirking and enjoying all the attention and reknits, and well … It can suck it. It can just take it’s little balls of yarn and sit in time out for a while, and maybe forever because really, even though I might not be smart enough to knit this – and that’s pretty much a bummer, because it’s not that hard boys and girls, it’s just not. All you have to do to knit this sweater is read the instructions and do what they say, and I’m not blaming the sweater for my failure to do that.
I just don’t think it needs to enjoy beating me so much, and there’s other wool in the world, and for that matter, a lot of that wool is in this house. This sweater can bite me hard on the hind-parts, because this is supposed to be what I do for fun. I’m a forty two year old woman with working class breasts, short legs and bad hair. I don’t need my self-esteem any lower and I’m certainly not lowering it myself. I have bathing suit shopping to do that for me, and I don’t need it from a hobby.
Somebody pass me my sock.
I hear you. There have been times when I entirely rewrote the pattern so as to have all the instructions together where they belonged – as in,
“RIGHT HERE do BOTH of these things.”
Hooray for timeouts.
I feel like Melissa Etheridge should be singing, “Cause I’m the only one who’ll walk across a fire for you” to your sweater. I would have hauled that whole thing in the trash after the first 5 or 6 issues. You go, girl!
Amen. Pass the wine.
Joe’s gansey is not nearly so hard. Just sayin’.
You know, sometimes socks have to go to timeout as well.
Oh no! It happens to the best of us, lady!
A lace border had me weeping at midnight on Sunday. I’ve been doing stocking stitch ever since.
Evil, evil, evil sweater!
This is the time when I will put a project on ‘time out’ perhaps for years….
Pretend it’s Tuesday and do some spinning.
Oh, dear. At this point in a project I a) give it to someone else b) pull it all out and match the yarn with a different pattern and (maybe) the pattern with a different yarn. I just don’t like to hear my UFOs sulking.
At times like this I think wine is permitted although too much wine could also lead to screw-ups, That is speaking from personal experience.
Good idea about the high-lighting.
Reminds me of a certain hoodie I’ve almost knit for my daughter – certain problems with front and back lenghts matching up among other things and the fact that I’ve let it sit in my frustration so long that it is now a size too small since I started making it last Fall around Thanksgiving and kids, when you feed them tending to continue growing… I haven’t lost all hope yet, my daughter has a little sister…
And the congregation stood and said: AYEE-men!
Yea, what Presbytera said. How long has that been waiting? You think the 10th anniversary will be soon enough??
n/m — I’m being snarky because the instructions on this baby sweater say I should have 70 stitches to pick up around the armhole but here are only 46 rows total counting front & back sides of it.
Well, this makes me feel a bit better about the 2 inches of lace I had to rip back over the weekend. Sorry the sweater is being so oppositional for you!
Is it any consolation that your blue sweater battle made us all feel better about our knitting battles. No? I feel your pain.
I think you ought to quarantine that sweater so that it doesn’t infect your other wool. Assuming you can find a wool-free zone to which to banish it in your house.
So sad. I saw this pattern yesterday and could picture you wearing it and how lovely it would look on you. I hope it learns to behave itself and all is forgiven soon.
Presbytera For The Win!
Plus also – pictures of the stash room please….
I totally get the bathing suit shopping comment. It seems to have gotten exponentially worse since having children. Perhaps that has something to do with the “working class” boobs that I’ve wound up with since having before mentioned kids!
Okay, not to rain on your parade anymore but…I thought you were perfect. Thank you and thank the blue sweater for affirming that we are all human. I feel much better now and will sit with my tea and a sock.
I really think that yarn does NOT want to be a sweater. That has to be the answer.
I think it was you that said sometimes yarn has a destiny other than the one we choose for it. That yarn is obviously meant to be something else. Maybe it was just meant to be a skein all it’s life.
I have to say, I’m glad I’m not alone. I do ridiculous things like this constantly and blame them on my inexperience. I’m sorry your suffering is such a joyful relief for me.
You are an expert knitter. Can you imagine someone like me trying to get through that pattern? I’d have thrown in the towel ages ago. I applaud your ability to forgive, and knit on!
Remember yarn doesn’t burn, it just smolders. You didn’t want a smoldering blue pile of sadness (looking at you) in the backyard anyway, did you?
Therein lies the problem with being a fast knitter. I have the same issue when I don’t slow down enough to pay attention to the details of the pattern instructions. Been there, done that, got the WIPs in my closet(s) to prove it.
THIS is why I knit more hats than I’ve knitted sweaters and why there are currently 3 sweater WIPs hiding behind my chair…
I have a sweater behaving badly also. Hopefully I can still finish it in time for Rhinebeck – are you planning on going? Maggie and I will be there!
Hi, I’m Sarah and I have jumped on the Gansey bandwagon. Also, how is the room going?
Now I know why I spend more time thinking about knitting sweaters than actually knitting them. If this amount of aggravation and frustration can happen to you, picture the same multiplied many-fold for a sweater in a much larger size! Maybe that is why there are designers who only publish one size or just a few of the smaller sizes – they are saving someone my size from myself. Never thought of that as a good deed before.
I am sure your sweater will come back from time out with abject apologies and become a thing of beauty. Maybe not in time for Rhinebeck, but soon.
Oh Stephanie, You are priceless. You make my life so much happier – I am never alone when I have you expressing so well what happens in my knitting life.
So in one sitting, you knit a front and back of an adult-sized sweater how many times? Holy cow!
Boy, can I relate! Would it make sense to just rip everything out and knit the sucker, excuse me — I mean sweater, in the round? Also, like you, I am short. So even if the body calls for 7 diamonds, maybe six diamonds would be the right length for you? Just asking. Also, have another glass of wine.
There is such a thing as a fatal time out. However, I consider mine a resurection of sorts. I have entirely ripped out most of a sweater, rewound the yarn and made something else out of it. If, after reading the pattern, rewriting whatever I think it needs so it makes sense to me, I think about using a different yarn.
After all, not all duos play nicely with each other, but they love playing with someone else. Then again, there are some Simon & Garfunkel duos where they play superbly which each other, but only one can be great without the other….
If I recall correctly, this is the sweater that originally was supposed to be made of green yarn that ended up reeking of diesel fuel. Perhaps it’s a mental block and the blue yarn really is intended to be something else. Maybe some of the green yarn — minus the diesel fuel smell — is out there somewhere, just waiting for you to find it, and the blue yarn is trying to make you go look.
Or, maybe pulling out every last stitch and starting fresh would work. Otherwise, you’re going to have such a negative experience with it that, if you ever do finish it, you still won’t want to wear it.
I had a very similar experience this summer! I feel for you; I really do. I’ll say that the most satisfying part of the whole thing was frogging the 3/4s finished front left and incorrectly cabled back and tidily restoring the yarn to my stash til we figure out what it really wants to be. I’ll raise a glass to you and the blue sweater tonight!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I am super impressed at your ability to rip out rows and fix mistakes over and over. . . Im so bad at that I might as well start a project over if something goes wrong!
Thank you! Makes me feel much less stupid for having to tink 500 stitches to rectify a small but Oh-So-Obvious mistake in Oh-Such-A-Prominent place. Knit means knit and purl means purl–always.
Dude! If your sweater and the mittens I’ve been working on ever happen to get together, the world will be in serious trouble…
Woo Hoo!! Way to tell that nasty sweater. You are queen of your knitting world. Wish all of life’s stresses could take timeouts in opaque bags 🙂
I think I’d hide that sweater in a deep, dark hole and forget it ever existed!
This sounds exactly like the problems I was having last night, but it was just the cast on and set up rows. I’ve had to rip it out several time. It is not that hard. I’ve done it a million times with a million other projects but this hat, it vexes me!
I would send the ruddy thing off to the person who designed and wrote the pattern with a note saying ‘ you bloody do it then ‘.
Raising a glass with you—-cheers.
I hear you. Although to be truthful, I’m just kind of glad that you’re having trouble too. It makes my trouble feels like it has company.
Wine for the knitter, stat!
Wow! You persevered much longer than I would have. I would have traded that puppy out for a quick, easy knit long before! 🙂
I have been knittng for 50 years and the AT THE SAME TIME thing still gets me nearly every single time, how stupid can I be
It’s the color.
I thought it was odd that you even started with that color.
Play the pattern your own way like a musician and call it improvisation!
another classic p-mcphee.
that’s what i call you in my head.
stephanie p-mcphee.
dont take offense please.
Yay for working class breasts. Oh sorry, distracted for a second.
For what it’s worth, I walked into a tree this weekend and couldn’t see straight enough to read let alone knit. You may have had a tunnel vision moment (or 10) with your pattern and your knitting but I figure you’re still ahead of the game this week!
Besides, your occasional human mistakes help everyone else realize that even those we love and (live through vicariously) enjoy hearing from aren’t perfect. It gives us hope 🙂
When I’ve really, really liked a pattern and the wording seems awkward or I realize this is a pattern I can really screw up where it changes I have actually, (this is a big deal for me) rewritten it in Elayne speak.
Ah, Harlot, you so eloquently speak for all of us. This same problem is why, when I was reorganizing my stash recently, I discovered 8 (yes, I said 8) sweaters that had been started and abandoned (all in opaque bags, I might add). Know what….they are gone, gone, gone. The yarn is rewound and I am carefree. “Not every pattern is meant for every knitter.” Nuff said!
Take that bag to the Canadian version of Goodwill the very next time you get in the car or on the bike. You need that cursed thing out of the house! Banished!! Gone!!!
In my world that sweater would be ripped back and that yarn could be used for something else…if the knitting is whooping my arse, then I whoop it back by ripping it out. (Right after I remind myself for the umpteenth time that knitting is supposed to be fun and relaxing!)
“. . . there’s other wool in the world, and for that matter, a lot of that wool is in this house.”
That is going in my reader’s journal. I love it! :o)
This is the point where I have been known to unravel all and make nice new balls of yarn to be put away for another project somewhere in the future. I love the timeout idea. and wine does help:)
This is the time in which I say, I like the pattern better my way. I bet your version was pretty, too. I’m sorry Steph, I’m still laughing – thanks for reminding us that even the zen master of knitting can tell off a sweater with, “suck it.” Fab – really fab!!!
Perhaps it will behave better once it’s been in time out. And perhaps with a few bottles of wine, you’ll have memory loss and the two of you can make nice again. ;>)
Your blue sweater can come and live with my version:
I have a half-finished sweater made of merino that I processed myself all the way up from the fleece. The sweater has three different kinds of cables that cross one another on four different rows, and that was fine until I hit the armhole decreases which happen on the odd rows at ever-changing intervals. That’s where it all went horribly wrong.
I’ve made a vow for future attempts: before starting, chart the thing, row by row. Mark different types of changes with different colours. Then knit one row at a time and check each one before continuing.
Yes, well. I spent the weekend on a lace afghan where it turns out the pattern has a mistake. I knew when I came to it that something was odd but I gamely followed the instruction as read and kept going – for 10 or 12 more rounds 3 more of which had the same problem. As punishment, I was forced to tink (the pattern really precludes ripping) what amounts to two skeins of yarn and several thousand stitches to add one little increase in what turns out to be a critical spot. Five days knitting time wasted. Oh well, no use crying over spilled wool (might felt it!).
You and I are better knitters than recent experience would lead us to believe. Sometimes, patterns just have it in for us, and they screw us over and make us doubt our own skills. (My recent patternly foe bit me in the middle of a section of stockinette, for cryin’ out loud.) Patterns that double-cross me twice don’t get a third chance.
I reassure myself by looking at a project that went just right. Then I rip and find a new pattern. And I rip right away. I won’t leave an effed-up project lurking in a bag in the closet, where it can lead my uncorrupted yarn astray.
So sorry the pattern/wool is being intransigent. Reminds me of a saddle-shoulder pullover I knit a couple of years ago. When I attached the sleeves to the body and started decreases for the yoke, everything went wrong, repeatedly and in many different variations. With the help of a friend who is a knitting teacher, I finally got to the short rows on the back neck, and couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong there, either.
At that point, I logged onto Ravelry to see if anyone had solved this problem, and found comments like, “This is the worst pattern ever written! No one should make this sweater!” I did finish it (it was a gift for my son-in-law), but from now on I will look on Ravelry *first* when choosing a pattern.
May the Force be with you.
Sorry for your pain but it makes me feel a little better. I am not a good knitter but I have knit a few acceptable things. A shawl requiring 298st cast on. Count 5 times and get 5 different numbers. Have ripped 4 different starts rwinding on the ball and getting a new one to let the yarn ‘rest.’ Finally have 2 rows completed so maybe I will have the beautiful brown shawl to wear this winter.
My Dear Sweetheart,
I have had somewhat the same experience, not the same pattern or yarn, but close enough. I gave up waaaaaay before you did. I think it is just about me… I have to be the one in control, not the sweater,… I gave it a good talking to, and 2 weeks later, it behaved.
I know the same will happen for you. In fact, when the sweater sees you working on socks ( arch rivals), it will come around much faster. Enjoy!
Give it to Natalie to finish. That’s what assistants are for, right?
You know, I really like that sweater and I’d considered making it … until now!
About a month ago I started a baby blanket with a beautiful but very complicated pattern that looked more like weaving than knitting.
I started it three times. Failed each time, completely and utterly. Gave up and will try again when my karma is better.
a few weeks in the dark corner of your stash closet next to some very unfriendly acrylic ought to teach it a thing or two. This is why I do very simple top down raglan pullovers for myself, less chance for screw ups!
I would put it into the frog pond. Speaking as a woman with sweaters on the needles for more than a decade. (One, I fear, is at the two decade mark another is definitively more than 15 years.) The problem with marinating projects is your gauge changes.
Thank God you don’t have to take toddlers with you to do the swimsuit shopping – even Hank is too old now. See, life does get better!
The last swimsuit I bought was more a ‘foundation garment’ with pieces underneath that made everyone say ‘you look good in that’, while I minded parting with a lot of money for it (it was a birthday present), the effect is outstanding, just what this ‘working class’ body needed. Four years later it is holding-up well, and I am beginning to think, well worth the money.
Stephanie my dear dear girl… you forgot that it is all the damn hexed wools fault. First you got stinky wool and now you have naughtly wool. Clearly it’s the wools fault. Threaten the naughty wool with becoming lint in Natalie’s dryer and letting her treat it as she knows lint should be. That will bring the wool around to behaving properly. 🙂
Not to mention the conundrum of what your head looks like when you put a hat on.
Wait, we’re still laughing about that, right?
…Right?
I mean, you’re right to put the sweater away. I have to do that too, because I want knitting to be FUN.
Wonders if the green yarn was a sign that you’d want to light the whole thing on fire… You know, because it was doused in diesel and all?
This post should be required reading for all knitters to give them hope and show that even the most experienced knitters have issues. This is a very encouraging post for us mere mortals and I hope you found writing it as cathartic as I found reading it.
I would rip it out and restore the yarn, throwing the pattern away. What sweater???
Lovely celery green room by the way. Feels just right. 😀
I LOVE you!
This is the first time I’ve identified with a blogger based on how you refer to your boobs….I believe this is how I shall describe mine in future. 🙂
This makes me feel so much better about a few missed yo’s in my current project. It required ripping back a measly 12 rows (albeit 600+stitches/round). I didn’t even cry or throw it against the wall. Thanks for the strength to carry on.
I don’t know if wine was strong enough. Perhaps tequila?
What would we do without socks? Thanks for the reminder of how comforting they are in times of difficulty. I’m going to go home and start a plain vanilla pair tonight, in hopes of making a good end to a rough day. Maybe the solution is socks AND tequila…
Ever read the book “Monster Mama”? I can just picture Monster Mama dancing around the indoor bonfire laughing wildly as she sips blood red wine and dances around the burning blue sweater…
This is really one of your funniest posts in a very long time. It had me laughing so many times I think my co-workers really do wonder about my sanity. My favorite is when I pictured working class breasts. I mean, I know what you meant, but I pictured breasts dressed as a depression era housewife with brown laceups and a frumpy housecoat which only made their saggy bottom look worse because they didn’t fill out the upper part at all. Maybe I need a vacation….
This yarn obviously has a curse on it. First the green – now the impossible to see blue and the sweater that doesn’t work! I say frog it all and find something else to make the sweater out of. Or better yet – chuck the yarn AND the pattern and begin fresh with something better! It’s SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!
ROTFL!
I admire you for sticking to it THAT long! I can only tink back so many times…
I knit Jolie a few years ago for my sister and while I love how it turned out and how well it fits her – it also had me pulling my hair out! I ended up charting the entire front and back, including decreases and increases. That helped considerably, although I still had to focus like crazy.
Sweater, what sweater?? I’m in favor of pictures of the newly renovated stash room.
1. Take the pattern, fold it into a nice paper airplane, & heave it out of your window.
2. Frog the stupid knitting out, rewind the yarn & fling it back into stash. The yarn’s too nice to just toss.
3. Find a nice sock pattern & a nicer glass of wine.
4. Enjoy.
Here. Read this.
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2010/10/05/seaweed-wool-make-traditional-bricks-tougher/?hpt=Sbin
Learning something else cool that wool can do will surley make you feel better. (Assumming you don’t already know.)
–Melissa
I forgot how to do seed stitch the other day. Like, I actually had to work it out in my head (and start a swatch to make sure I was right, since the pattern wasn’t). I think at this point, the diamonds and zig zags are “artistic choices” and left at that. At least that’s what I tell myself when my lace gets screwed up somehow.
If you’ll send it to me, I’ll rip it out and wash it and re-ball it. This yarn doesn’t want to be this pattern, obviously. It is beautiful wool, and a lovely pattern, but wool will win every time.
Thanks for making us all feel better about our mistakes, though I have to admit that I tend to give up on a wonky project a bit sooner than you.
BTW, I love this line: “I went and got a glass of wine (abstaining sure as s**t wasn’t helping)…”
more wine and a sock – always a good solution to any problem!
sometimes bryan asks me why i’m so grumpy while i’m knitting. that’s when i know my project needs to go into the time-out corner – the corner drawer of my craft storage thingy. from whence it may not materialize until we move house – and then it probably goes into a bin in the garage.
Bugger the blue diamond sweater…
bugger the gansey…
and hoist yer true colours woman
and Hip-Hip to yer middle aged working class breasties…
*hick* I’ve been in the Port wine early today!
Heaven Love Ya!!!!
Wow, you’re knitting blue fuel? Amen to Presbytera! I am trying so hard not laugh. The horror of this is that I have a whack of alpaca & silk that’s supposed to become a sweater for the hubby. I’m too scared to start it.
The gates to knitting hell have a sign over them: At the same time…
p.s. a good friend would rip that back for you.
Skip the zig-zags and diamond it all the way to the top. You already know (ahem) the pattern. Call it creative license.
It all started with its smelly green brother, remember? This thing has bad karma…
I understand putting that sweater in a time out.
I would have just left it as is. It’s a design feature. It’s your interpretation. Anything to prevent reknitting it!
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been arguing with this stupid tubular cast-on since last night. I’ve ripped and re-knit it 4 times now. At this point, it’s knit, but there’s some dangling yarn that will need to be dealt with sooner or later.
Thank you for not making me the only person this kind of stuff happens to.
For me it was 3 inches of stockinette until I could get to the lace pattern fun. I thought I’d finish the bottom edge by knitting on the icord bottom before I started the fun part, only some loose stitches came to the party and screwed up the icord knitting so bad, I frogged the whole thing. I was so mad I put the whole thing down for a week.
Back to square one. Now, I’m working the pattern as one whole piece…just started row 3.
I hate setbacks.
You know what I love about you Stephanie? Well one of many things really and considering I have never met you that should amount to something. You actually see a mistake and rip out your work. More than once even. If that isn’t a virtue I don’t know what is. I started a pattern for leg warmers for a friend that was obviously going astray and instead of ripping it out and starting again, I made the whole damn thing into a dog sweater. I hate to rip work out that much.
And let’s hear it for working class breasts. Hip Hip Hooray! (Which is not quite where they rest but close.)
It was bad enough until you got to the part where you thought you were wrong and ripped, but you really had been right! It wasn’t even my mess but I thought I would choke or have a stroke (on your behalf). My next birthday will see me 63, knitting 55 years, and I still have to really force myself to rip back. I get so angry I get the shakes. I knit because it relaxes me, right? However, I accept my limitations and I absolutely refuse to do a pattern that requires design changes on both sides. Just isn’t going to happen.
Thank you for having trouble. I mean it. I think ‘gosh, she’s the yarn harlot. All she has to do is look at a ball a yarn and it jumps into her hands this beautiful completed project. You, however, do something I seldom do. You go ahead and finish it after the umpteenth rip back. Me? I throw it in a dark sack and when hubby isn’t looking (I don’t want him to see this) I toss it in the trash. Maybe one day I will look at that project and say, ‘if Stephanie can do it, I can do it’. Until then… I will keep dark trash bags around.
Time out? Good for you. You know when you take it out (whenever you take it out), all that troubled this pattern will be washed away and you’ll think, This ain’t so hard. And it will again be a happy sweater.
I would have given up on that pattern long ago. You inspire us all with your patience and perseverence. What I would do with that pattern is frog the whole thing, give the pattern to Natalie to file somewhere, and make something else out of that lovely yarn.
And what lucky soul will be the recipient of this labor intensive sweater when done?
Frog the whole darn thing with an evil, maniacal laugh and then give the yarn and pattern to a person you can’t stand. Flush it and make something you love! No guilt!
You stuck with it waaaay longer than I would have. That’s saying a lot, because I can get pretty stubborn about things. Congratulations for sticking with it for so long, and now I think it’s time to burn it and put it out of your mind forever.
Wonder what the word is for murdering a sweater….knitticide? if that had happened to me, there’d be wool carnage and mayhem for sure. Kudos to you for sticking to it.
I’d say that sucker never needs to see the light of day again! Pretend it never happened.
Bless your heart.
I just finished the right front of a cardigan for my sweet grandboy and realized that I forgot to put in the buttonholes…
You’ve far more patience than I would have had, if that helps.
Since the back is done, if you like it, you should leave it alone. For that matter, maybe you should adjust the fronts to suit yourself and not worry too much about what the pattern says.
You’re a knitwear designer too, after all.
The photos you’ve posted look lovely. It helps that we can’t see the mistakes that are bothering you so much.
that’s what life is like: Monday, you’re glorying in having someone to smack the chaos out of the stash room; Wednesday, the yarn gods take revenge. But hey! You’ve got a place for that opaque bag now! You could even label it with a pretty sign: “I have been a VERY BAD sweater/sock/scarf/afghan…” you know, with the last word being switchable.
I’ve been having similar issues with my Central Park Hoodie. First I forgot to use smaller needles, then I cast on the wrong number of stitches, and then once the ribbing was finished and I was on the first real row, I realized I was following the directions for the wrong size. UGH! I’ve had to restart it at least 5 times.
The great thing about the internet is that it brings like-minded people together in good and bad. If I had tried to explain your situation with your sweater-in-progress to coworkers, I would be hauled off to the loony bin. We all understand your frustration, having been there ourselves. You showed that sweater who’s the boss and maybe it will have learned its lesson by the time you take it out again, if ever. 😀
Why can’t I help thinking that the Green Yarn tried to warn you in the only way that it knew how, and none of us heeded its scream? We have all been there…
I had to laugh, not because your pain is funny, but because I’m getting the same project run around from this not very difficult looking vest, in stockinette stitch (for crying out loud!) and wierd increases and decreases and at the same times, and I can’t believe I’m letting myself be beaten by this thing that doesn’t even have sleeves, thus avoiding the dreaded gorilla sweater phenomenon that has so dogged my efforts at full-fledged sweaters. Sigh.
I’d better do a sock, too.
I’ve admired that sweater in the book and even mentally allocated it wool. No way am I going ahead with that plan.
I enjoyed reading this entry. Yes it made me laugh, just because, as Lavenderknits says above, no one would understand this except a knitter. It’s not the yarn’s fault. Get back to it after a time-out. Socks are good, shawls are better.
Been. There. More than once. Projects like that I prefer to work out on graph paper. The large size from the art supply store. Knitting does relax me. I take it to soccer games. Ripping out does not relax me. Some patterns just don’t want to be knit. Odd that.
I don’t think you should blame yourself for all the confusion. Did it ever occur to you that the person designing the sweater could have done a better job at it? Or done a better job writing the pattern? Yeah, that’s the problem here!
Auction the yarn off for KWB, a great cause and a curse out of your house. Win-win.
If it is of any consolation, I had a really rough night of knitting too! I was at first concerned I had early (?) onset Alzheimer’s or worse, but decided to pull myself together, lay down the project and go to bed. Odd.
I understand your pain. I am having the same problem with a christening gown I am making. My mother lost the original I made 30 years ago. I have been trying to recreate it. This time, I decided to use silk instead of acrylic, and it would take pages and pages to describe the agony about getting the correct gauge yarn from India. Then, when I was ready to go, I discovered that the old pattern I used, was only for everything except the lace pattern used on the skirt of it. For the life of me, I can’t find that pattern. So, there I sit, with 8 rows of border stitch and nothing to add on. I just decided to give it a rest, until I am in a better frame of mind.
That little disaster coincides with having stitches pulled out on a summer shawl I made from cotton thread. All I can say about that is KNOT WHEN JOINING COTTON YARN in areas with multiple yarn overs. The weaving-it-in strategy does not work with cotton, especially when it is not held in place by solid stitching. So, now I am looking at that mess. Thank goodness the nasty pull occurred close to the end.
I am bummed, and not knitting ANYTHING for the moment, only recovering from the agony of it all. I feel your pain.
At least your sweater is going to be gorgeous. I would suggest just going with the incorrect count on the back, and press on. No one will know once it is finished.
oh the diamond patterns kick my arse every time I don’t know what it is about this particular pattern but my brain just can’t get… too bad wool is flame resistant and what not…
Love the part about the bonfire.
I really think the moon, stars and planets are just misaligned!!! I, too, am having difficulty…because I cannot count????
And, work has been going just as wacky!!!!
“This, too, shall pass.” Or, not.
I say it’s right as long as you like it. Who cares what the instructions say? You can do as many repeats as you want.
And you have beautiful hair.
This, sweet girl, is why I only read about knitting and seldom take it up (smirks the spinner/weaver). But the ‘like being in grade 9 all over again’ really touched on the entire day at work…. for everyone. Thanks for the laughs, again and again.
Oh man, that sucks!
I’m sorry for your pain. Maybe take a big fat vacation from this wicked sweater.
I can SO sympathize with you. However; today was a HORRAY day for me, (and you know as well as everyone else that they’ll come for you once again!) I’ve had the pieces of a sweater sitting in it’s room for about 1 1/2 months now. I did some “re-cal-cu-lating” on it and didn’t know what to expect. Since I’m taking this particular sweater on vacation in a couple of weeks, I figured I’d better get it together. I gingerly stitched the side seams, and the shoulder seams and HORRAY, it looks like it might work! YEA! Other than the neckline being just a small-tad-too-small, I’ll use a scarf to get it over my head, and we’re good to go.
So, YH, I’ll have you know that this sweater was going to be a make or break for me – either it worked, or I was giving EVERYTHING somewhere – NO MORE KNITTING! Even tho you feel dissed by Jolie, take comfort that you have calmed the fears of many, MANY knitters who are not as advanced as you are. Blessings, wine, beer (and Scotch) to you!
Bridget
My first baby is 6 months old now. Which means my formerly perky, pampered, upper-middle-class breasts have finally gotten off the couch and entered the working class. I’m already pregnant with my second, so its safe to say there’s a long road of servitude ahead for the girls 🙂
How did the Debbie Bliss Luxury Tweed stand up to the repeated ripping? Its a 1-ply so I wonder if its strong enough. Such a beautiful yarn though!
Too bad about the rain. I’m with you on the bonfire. Had one of those days here as well.
I’m looking at the Jolie pics on Ravelry and I’m not seeing zig zags on the front. Not sure if I’m missing something obvious or those people also gave up in desperation.
It’s all because of the “Dear John” letter you wrote to the sweater last week! It’s just getting a little revenge, but I’m sure it will be ready to kiss and make up when the days get longer and there’s light to knit by in the evenings again!
LIGHTER FLUID + KITCHEN SINK + MATCH = FIRE BIG ENOUGH FOR BURNING DEMON SWEATER.
It is nice to know that you’re entirely capable of flubbing it as much as I am though!
Working class breasts? I have them; I jjust didn’t know what they were called until you told me!! I’m sorry you have had so much trouble with that demon-spawned sweater. However I have to thank you for making me laugh on at the end of a horrible Wednesday.
It’s nice to know that an experienced knitter like you gets flumoxed sometimes. Or have you considered that the pattern author is “wicked”?
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time! I’m making my current sock sit in time out at a different house since I can’t get it to work out right. Is your current sock the October Sock of the Month? Your blog inspired me to knit my first pair so I always look forward to the sock posts!
You have two problems…and a negative synergism is at work. The pattern desires a different yarn than the one you have chosen. And the yarn desires to be a different sweater. Or, perhaps not a sweater at all! Put those two together and shizam! It’s amazing you were able to make stitches at all…
Reading the entire pattern before starting!!!Are you kidding—who does that ? That Joli would have been in a time out before you did it if I had it,but oh it is a beauty when finished isn’t it. Perhaps it won’t take long before it gets out of time out and behaves itself. good luck
Your post was the best part of my day today. Hands down. Thank you for making me laugh out loud. You’re the best!
Sorry the for the pain. When this happens to me (to often) I either put the offending UFO away for a while and bring it back out to look at it with new eyes or rip it out and find another pattern for the yarn.
Leslie, We call it Sally Ann in these parts. And I’m always finding WIPs at the Sally Ann. 🙂
If it were me, I’d leave the back and just make the fronts match the back. Call it an intentional design change. :>)
At this point, surely Joe would understand a bonfire in the living room. 🙂
Time outs are the way to go with troublesome knitting. I have at least 3 project in that state at the moment, and I can report that a project that had been in time out for 4 years has come out and is working and coming together.
Pfftt! on the sweater. Leave it in timeout until (or if) you feel like dealing with it again.
As for yourself — wine is a good start. Also, if you have access to the “Great Performances” program that is airing tonight on PBS (sorry, but I have no idea what TV stations you receive or whether you might get this), sit you down before the box (with your wine!) and savor the wonder that is Sir Patrick Stewart’s “Macbeth.” I can’t imagine a knitting disaster that could make a dent in that!
I so know what you are going through! I had the same thing happen with a sock. A SOCK!! *Ahem* please forgive the yelling, but sometimes even simple things like *socks cough cough* need a time out.
*Looks at sock and glares*
Don’t look at me like that!
Anyway I do hope your knitting days get better! I sure hope mine do.
I don’t know why you refer to us as, “gentle readers.” Personally THIS gentle reader would be more than happy to set fire to that thing for you. It’s not raining at all in California.
Stephanie, I can hardly even read you account of this – it is just too painful. I hope with a bit of a time out the sweater manages to pull itself together and is more cooperative next time!
In my house, naughty patterns like that get frogged and reprogrammed into something that will behave itself.
Gotta say – this makes me feel better! It’s reassuring to know that this stuff happens to really great knitters, too. (But I really like your hair!)
I guess that’s why, for similar reasons, I have 18 finished pairs of socks. Socks don’t cause conflicts.
Lorrainr
To hell with it! Leave the back as is and knit two fronts to match the stitch pattern. Who needs the danged zig-zags, anyway?
I think this is the same project that you originally had the stinky yarn, right? Now the pattern is being a pain in the hiney? Time to move on, pitch or rewrite the pattern, use the yarn for something else, cause it appears that pattern does not want to be made, at leaat not right now!
Words I have come know are true: If it seems too hard, you are probably doing it wrong.
If you know you are doing it correctly but it still seems too hard, then it’s not for you to do.
This happens to me every time I try to knit a Rowan pattern. I love their yarn and I buy it – but somehow I’ve never been able to knit one of their patterns without issues!
(I’m sure it’s me…)
As someone with a background in technical writing, you can only imagine how much this type of situation sends me: the designer cops out of the real work of instructing by saying: “do the other half, reversing all shaping . . . ” Seriously: its like giving instructions on how to take out carburetor, then saying: “put everything back where you found it and you should be good.”
Well, your first few paragraphs made me feel kind of hopeful, like, “wow, even TYH has battles with knit projects.” (Sorry, wasn’t too sympathetic at that point.) But I kept on and, oh, I could hardly keep reading! Ugggghhhhh….. so sorry!
Good strategy on the opaque bag! I’ll remember that one for next time!
I laughed right out loud about Joe not liking fires in the living room. I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble! This is why I do lots of socks with stripey yarns…so the yarn can do the work, and I just go ’round and ’round ’til it’s done. The five needles impress people enough, I don’t need to work a fancy stitch pattern! 🙂
Dang. I was going to try a sweater but now… I’ll stick to socks and hats and scarves a bit longer.
Girl, THANK YOU for sharing this. Of course you’ve made it hilarious, but when it happens to me I just feel totally inept and defeated. So I was therapy to read. I know you will go back and beat that sucka some day…
The best knitting advice my mum has given me is to take a break when I keep making mistakes! I hope the sock brought some relief.
OMG! Are you yarnist against blue yarn?! It is because it is blue isn’t it? Yarn can’t all be green! The world needs fiber diversity!
Happy knitting! Here’s a beer and your sock.
I’m so glad that I am not alone in my frusteration with how Kim Hargreaves writes her decreases. I have ripped back the backs on two of the UFOs I have from her books after reading her instructions for what seemed like the 50th time.
IMHO, the pattern is poorly written — the passage you quoted is confusing and involves WAAYYY too much math to be relaxing.
The yarn is not entirely without blame, as it may be too dark for this pattern. However, if it misbehaves again, threaten to turn it into a felted dog blanket.
Finally, I think the big difference between rich and famous boobs vs. working class breasts is that the rich and famous kind are covered with an obvious spray-on tan and may contain funny-looking bags of silicone. Neither kind is immune to gravity, everyday wear and tear, or repeated visits by the Birthday Fairy.
What are working class breasts?
Can I distract you with a pretty new book I think you”ll like? Brave New Knits by JulieTurjoman. Lots of pretty patterns, lots of interesting profiles of knitting bloggers. Take your mind off that bad blue project.
I think that pattern is written in some kind of military code. Take it to the army.
Blue.
’nuff said.
I just did the same thing. My pattern told me to “repeat these six rows two times” and for some reason I read that I was supposed to repeat those six rows six times. I just made my husband wait to go to bed so I could finish the sixth repeat. Uh, yeah… My heart sank when I realized what I’d done!!
Oh dear. Why are you trying to force your sweater to look like the pattern? It obviously wants to be something else. Just go with it. See what you get. I’ll bet that it is beautiful.
Shoot it.
Dude, you inspire me! Just to know that you can arse up a project as badly as I can makes me love you!
S (who just frogged an entire shawl and started over)
Wrong yarn, wrong color, wrong pattern. Rip it out and make hats out of it. That’ll show it who’s boss.
Right there with ya.
I would have decided long ago to call my…variances…”design features” and let it go at that.
Sometimes, what you want the yarn to be and what the yarn wants to be are very, very different. The yarn is a lot happier when it wins that fight, and so are you.
(I bought some fingering-weight yarn for a shawl. The yarn didn’t want to be one; it wanted to be socks. So I gave some of it away, and I’m making socks. The yarn is happy, I’m happy, and the person who got three skeins of sock yarn is happy.)
Poor Harlot, I feel for you and you have my sympathies. I haven’t knit that particular pattern but it does strike me a a might more complicated than it needs to be.
I should also note that I shouldn’t drink and read this blog as I almost shorted out my second keyboard in a week by almost spaying my (new) keyboard with ginger ale while laughing.
BraVO!!!!
You know what that yarn would look lovely as?? A WOVEN fabric!!
It’s a well-known fact in conflict resolution circles that when you have a solid BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement)–your backup plan in case you cannot come to agreement–you are freed to pursue agreement with less pressure, since you know you’ve got a good back door! If it comes to that in your case, the product would be lovely… =)
From these instructions it’s clear the whole pattern should have been presented in graph form.
I feel your pain. Please don’t let that sweater win, I need a knitting hero. (Ok, I know that wasn’t fair.)
I’m a bit chart-challenged and get totally lost when something else happens “at the same time.” Do I need to mention that projects sometimes languish long enough that I forget what I was doing (and sometimes who it was for)? Fortunately I like to read knitters’ blogs (imagine that!) and discovered “Ticky Boxes.” With those, I’ve actually been able to keep track of which row of the chart I’m on and when to make two different increases which happen at different row multiples. (No, I’m not tacky enough to name the post-you’ll have to Google it.)
I am sitting here crying from laughing so hard. How many times have I done similiar things? I remember a time when I was a new knitter and I miscounted some rows in knitting a toy lamb. You would have thought I would have noticed that the lamb had one front leg pointed down as it should have been and another one growing up on its backside. After knitting for over 40 years, I still make such boneheaded mistakes. I have a sweater right now that I decided to shorten and did so on the back, but did not allow for this on the front. I have still not decreased all I need to on the fronts for the v-neck and it is longer than the back. I have decided rather than rip the fronts back, I must have really wanted it the original length so it will be a knitted jacket. Now I just have to finish the front sections (which I am knitting together on a circular needle so at least they will match), unbind the shoulders and knit the rows needed to match the fronts before binding off again. Then I will still have the sleeves to do, or maybe it wants to be a long, v-necked vest.
hehe ‘working class breasts’. And, my heart (or something) shivers when I sense the coming together, the dawning of my mistakes. I’d leave that sweater (with its ‘little balls of yarn’…hahaha) to set a piece.
I have knit an entire sweater, didn’t like it, frogged it, reknit it, wasn’t happy, frogged it, and am halfway through knitting it for the third time.
I have now decided I need a new needle to finish knitting it. With luck, the needle will arrive on Friday.
I feel your pain!
But it’s going to be wonderful when I’m done!
Sorry about the sweater. On the other note, I suggest the book “Curly Girl” by Lorraine Massey. Changed my curly hair for the better, forever. 😉
Clearly this is a pattern for someone who knits one sweater a year, not for someone who has a stash room and plans a pair of socks a month in addition to everything else you do knitting related.
Throw the whole thing into a box, and store it on the top shelf.
Are you ever left wondering whether you just dreamed that you were a Knitter? It happens to me sometimes, I know I can knit but all the evidence is to the contrary.
It’s a lovely colour whether it’s diamonds or zigzags.
“the instructions are written in that way that sends me screaming into the woods…” <3 <3 <3
We’re lucky enough to knit your patterns. And extemporise.
Detention / time-out / naughty step….an excellent punishment for misbehaving jumper in progress. Have you thought of pracing around near the opaque bag while wearing some of the gorgeous things you knit for last autumn/winter. Perhaps seeing what fun it is to be one of your jumpers would help to adjust the blue yarn’s attitude?
(also, as the weather draws in and the nights become longer….I wonder if there’s any hope of a finished gansey to keep Joe warm?)
That was beautifully written. I mean, I’m sorry for your loss, but that was so fabulous. I was right there with you, cursing the !@#-ing poorly-written instructions (and see here that I am not blaming you, because couldn’t those instructions have been written more clearly? I mean, REALLY!!!) Well, in a year or two you’ll have forgotten the pain and then maybe the yarn will be freed from its opaque bag and turned into something fabulous. Maybe even that f-ing sweater. (=
Do you think the blue yarn is bitter that it was second choice after the green yarn that had to be exchanged due to it’s not-so-lovely odor?
Stephanie! You don’t have bad hair. Go here and see how to tame it a little and make it beautiful.
http://www.livecurlylivefree.com/
hahahahaha
I had one of those nights this week!
Thanks for sharing my sides hurt now 🙂
Why oh why don’t you LISTEN to the yarn, Stephanie? It clearly is telling you, in the only way poor non-verbal yarn can, that it doesn’t wish to be this particular sweater. It thinks it was going to be a shawl and you are frustrating the poor thing. Quit torturing it. >:-)
I’ve been having an eerily similar time with a simple, lattice-patterned shawl. I think I know now why I took a several decade hiatus from knitting until a few years back!
Comment on your Twitter: If you are knitting a hat for which you do not have enough yarn, it is what I consider to potentially be a striped hat. I love being creative about blending yarns for hats and striping them out. It is good fun!
Oh yes, I’ve been there so many times. And to top it off, as I’m sputtering cuss words, my DH is usually sitting in his chair saying “And you really do this for relaxation?”
Can’t believe that Rams hasn’t commented on this one yet.
At least you can take comfort in the fact that when, if ever, you complete the sweater it will be marvelous– Early in my knitting career I had a similar, though not as dramatic a problem with a sweater made of bulky novelty (read ugly acrylic) yarn. When at last I completed the knitting I had an ass-ugly BIG sweater that added at least 6 inches in girth to my already oversized frame.
I hate it when patterns are written like the one you quoted. I’ve knitted for a few years, but fairly simple things. I absofinglutely do not understand how to do what that sentence you quoted said to do. I could highlight till blue in face and still not understand it. I wish, since you do get that part, I wish you’d write it in plain language so anyone who could read could knit the damn thing. Mainly, I’m just curious how it could be written in a more understandable way. You lasted longer than most would have on the sweater. Maybe rip the whole thing back and do that precious, easy, simple sweater I saw on Knitty. Not because it’s simple, but because it looks really cool and will look great with all knitted scarves….that’s what it says :>)
I am with Winnie. I’d wind that pretty blue yarn back up and find a pattern that likes you back.
Pour another glass, Watch your favorite Star Trek episode, and know we love your working class boobs, hair and frame! You wouldn’t be Stephanie without them! WOOT!
I had to laugh when I read this (not at you, definitely not at anyone). Because I have never knitted a pair of socks, and I fear this is what will end up to any sock pattern I attempt. Sweaters I can do 😉
The pattern I referenced is Mothed on Knitty. It is pretty much the same gauge and you could knit it with your eyes closed!!
I know someone who threw her sock out the car window on the way home from her learn-to-knit-socks class — she says it was very therapeutic!
I toss out the Zimmerman Green Sweater with the same sense of satisfaction. I wish I had thought of a bonfire. And dancing.
I think most people can’t handle instructions that look like this. Who has the brain space to remember all the fiddly bits while keeping track of the row you’re on?
I usually write a list of the row numbers on a piece of paper and make various marks and squiggles next to specific row numbers to remind me of the shaping etc needed to be done on each specific row.
This is really not about being smart enough, in my opinion. It’s about properly estimating how many things your mind can juggle at once when you’re knitting, and writing things down when it’s too much for you.
Not that I relish in your frustration, but I am working on my second sweater ever, and got the first sleeve entirely done when I tried it on, full of excitement and anticipation at a job well done. It was at that moment that I realized it was too small, and I need to do the sleeve over. YUCK! I too, went to socks (Plain vanilla) to ease my wounds.
It must be the change in the weather…gotta blame something. I have been unravelling my knitting like crazy – one step forward two steps back – and all I want to do is finish the sucker and get it out of my sight. When I have a pattern like that I take the time and type it all out row for row where needed…lot of cutting and pasting so not too time consuming…especially where the pattern is sectioned and rows for one piece are different than the other (not easy to explain). It is a challenge after all or why would we be doing it. Good luck and as they say in Scotland “keep the heed”.
Oh yes, I’ve knit sweaters like that (well, partly knit). Compounded instructions can totally suck it!
I also think socks can suck it sometimes, too. Or maybe it’s just husbands who want futzy socks when all I want to make is vanilla socks. Kinda kills my desire to make socks and I’d just found it again.
A few years ago I put a project into “time-out” for over a year. I wonder if it still counts as “time-out” at that point, or if it’s jail?
That totally sucks. It should be put in the time out corner (closet) for at least 6 weeks or until it has learned to behave. Sorry you are having a bad time with it. Take care.
…passing you your sock.
While your project is frustrating – your writing about it is hilarious! Love you, Stephanie, for making me laugh. So needed that today. 🙂
Yes, it’s beautiful yarn and no, it doesn’t want to be that pattern. I just read Maggie Righetti on “talking to your yarn” to find out what it wants to be. (Sweater Design in Plain English). Funny and worth paying attention to! Then there’s always the Natalie alternative. Aren’t you paying her to keep you sane and help you use your time wisely? Denying yourself a glass of wine is doing neither. Please don’t even talk to me about guilt! We’ve been there already. Enjoy your wine, start a new project, then in a few weeks, go back and talk to your yarn.
This is why we love you, Stephanie! You keep it real and keep it human for all of us… especially for those of us who doubt from time to time that you could possibly be a human knitter!!
Sometimes I come home with a new project all excited to get started and show it to my dh – who promptly says “how many god dammits do you think this will take?” – tim eout is just the right place for this project or maybe even the frog pond!
Avoiding unfinished project guilt requires a decision. You can do it.
So funny. But I love your hair.
So, here’s the part I don’t get… Yes, the shaping must be correct or it won’t fit you, so you have to fix shaping errors. But the pattern has flexibility. You’re a brilliant designer, so if it’s a variation of ‘You did diamonds where the pattern said zig-zags’ why don’t you just call it the YarnHarlot Variation, and embrace it? It will still look gorgeous. Not an option?
I would have given up a long time before you did. Good job sticking it in time out.
I am very proud of you for not setting it on fire. Or tossing the whole thing into the street & running over it repeatedly with the car. The sweater is clearly deserving of a time out. I have an Inky Dinky (Mutant) Spider (from Hell) shawl in exactly the same situation. It’s been living in a bag for two years now. Someday it’ll come out. It’s that whole “pattern on both sides” thing that messed me up, too. Doesn’t help that it’s dark yarn. Maybe next summer. . .
I mean this very seriously: I am a completely literate english speaker and moderately proficient knitter (usually), and I have absolutely no idea what that instruction about increases and decreases is supposed to mean. Really. I read it several times, and then just gave up.
Your post seems to indicate that this instruction actually has a “meaning”. Kudos to you if you can figure out what it is.
And extra kudos to you for not blaming the whole mess on the designer (which is probably what I would have done, privately of course, to make myself feel better).
Just amazing! I can’t count the number of times I’ve done the same thing. I did wonder whether this sweater was doomed from the get go. Remember the diesel fumes of its green sister? No I don’t forsee this sweater seeing the light of day any time soon. Have fun with your October sock-o’-the-month!
Funniest post EVER!
I feel your pain…but I am sitting at my desk eating my yogurt for lunch…and laughing and eating yogurt at the same time are not good….
I’m a forty two year old woman with working class breasts, short legs and bad hair. I don’t need my self-esteem any lower and I’m certainly not lowering it myself. I have bathing suit shopping to do that for me, and I don’t need it from a hobby.
I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.
Oh, I understand. I’m doing a cropped sweater for my 11 year old daughter and in a fit of insanity agreed to do a lace pattern in a variegated yarn which I should have realized was totally beyond my patience level (if I can’t see the lace pattern I’m destined to make mistakes). After tearing out the same two inches of pattern 5 times (the last time I was tempted to do it with my teeth) I threw the d**n thing in the bottom of my knitting bag where I give it a kick every now and then for good measure. Meanwhile I give myself little inspiration talks like “You’ve done fair isle, you can do this”.
And when my daughter asks me where her sweater is I just look at her for as long as it takes her to walk away.
Oh my word, I would have cried or thrown the sweater down in anger. I totally understand about the confusing decreases and increases lines. It’s very confusing how they wrote it! Once I knitted a bolero and totally misunderstood the decrease and increase amount and it ended up completely too small. Oops. Can’t wait to see how the finished product looks, though!
Oh, I hear you.
“And at the same time” Okay…. I took the home ec courses where they told to you to read the pattern/recipe through before beginning. I even sometimes can stay away from the yarn long enough to do that, but… then I get involved in the subsection of some part that I am currently knitting. I have forgotten about the “And at the same time” lurking evilly on the horizon.
A modest proposal to pattern writers (which in the age of computer templates, etc shouldn’t be impossible to effect:
Write the “And at the same time” instructions in two parallel columns so that the text visually replicates your concurrent actions.
Good choice to go back to the wine.
I like counting rows with a chain of stitch markers, a brilliantly simple idea I heard about from KarenJoSeattle. If I have a pattern where I need to do so many rows between decreases, I chain up that number of markers, with a different color on one end, then each row, I move up one marker in the chain. When I get to the end, it’s time to decrease. If you have two sets of decreases going on at once, you can have a different chain on each end. I even use them as ‘right-side/wrong-side’ markers, when I’m knitting in the round but adapting a flat pattern.
And the really nice thing is that it’s hard to forget (my problem with row counters is I forget to move them), and you can put down the knitting and pick it back up without losing track of where you are.
“working class breasts” Oh, is THAT what they’re called? It explains so much.
Go get that thing out of the bag, frog the heck out of it, and use the yarn for something else. Otherwise, it wins.
{{standing ovation}}
Hillarious post. So reminds me of my Keelin sweater. It’s mocking me.
The yarn fates gave you a warning with that first batch of smelly stuff.
I am sorry for your loss.
Frog!
Oh my … I feel your pain. You’ve recounted precisely my recent experience with an annoyingly badly written shawl pattern.
I, too, have returned to socks. Even lace socks feel comforting and familiar after that shawl. It’s in a bag. I’ll unearth it at some future moment in time when I will, as has happened before, attempt it again and wonder what all the fuss was about.
Socks are the mac and cheese of knitting. When in search of comfort, sound the sock retreat and rediscover comfort.
Forgive me for not reading the 250+ previous comments. Someone may have already said this, but I’ll say it anyway. Sometimes a Time Out is not enough. In situations like this, I am proud to say I resort to good old corporal punishment. This can range from merely whapping the yarn against hard, immovable objects (furniture, walls, the outside of your house, a large boulder) to something more satisfying. Although in my dreams I own a gigantic military weapon such as a mortar or flamethrower, my most lethal household weapon is probably the woodsplitting axe. I would take that yarn out to the back yard and chop the snot out of it. I would not listen to its sad cries of apology, nor its attempts to excuse itself, especially if it accused you of lamebrainedness or other ridiculosity. After it was fully shredded — and this would take some doing because wool is lamentably tough and even unburnable — I would ……. here my imagination fails me. Perhaps you could toss it over a nearby deserted cliff? Lay it out in the nearest highway and let cars run over it? Let the punishment continue as long as the fabric lasts, and then burn the pattern for good measure. Call me shallow, call me impatient, call me old-fashioned. Spanking is too good for this one.
I would at some point have just made the whole thing diamonds, the h-e-double-toothpicks with the zigzags. Of course I wouldn’t have been knitting the thing in the first place because I am sweater impaired. (Still. I fear it’s a chronic condition.) Socks are nice.
Were I knitting this sweater, I would feel little regret if it fell off the table into the litter box. I night bring myself to wash it if I truly loved the yarn, but not before saying, “Take that, you little pisser!!”
Cheryl and Lucia above (and maybe more people, I didn’t read all the comments) have it right! Just keep it all diamonds. If you look at the pics on Ravelry you can barely even see the zig zags in the finished sweaters.
You’re blue sweater sounds an awful like an english rib vest I recently suffered through.
Brutal. Not hard, just brutal.
Oh my goodness – you have made me laugh HARD!
Sounds like the one I knit from a berroco leaflet. The back was the easy part and had multiple simotanious increases and decreases. After ripping it out twice I discovered there was a correction to the pattern the I made a graph and put little k and p’s in the squares for every stitch for 99 rows. It ended up being an awsome sweater, but DAMN. Just do socks and drink wine for a week or so.
Stephanie,
I’m sorry. I hate to tell you this, but this entry made me feel so much better! By that I mean, I laughed myself silly. You see, I’ve been desperately trying to make the Eventide scarf. Really trying. Can’t seem to successfully count to six. Six. Did I mention that I have an MBA? How hard can it be to count to six?
Thank you.
Forgive me for not reading the 250+ previous comments. Someone may have already said this, but I’ll say it anyway. Sometimes a Time Out is not enough. In situations like this, I am proud to say I resort to good old corporal punishment. This can range from merely whapping the yarn against hard, immovable objects (furniture, walls, the outside of your house, a large boulder) to something more satisfying. Although in my dreams I own a gigantic military weapon such as a mortar or flamethrower, my most lethal household weapon is probably the woodsplitting axe. I would take that yarn out to the back yard and chop the snot out of it. I would not listen to its sad cries of apology, nor its attempts to excuse itself, especially if it accused you of lamebrainedness or other ridiculosity. After it was fully shredded — and this would take some doing because wool is lamentably tough and even unburnable — I would ……. here my imagination fails me. Perhaps you could toss it over a nearby deserted cliff? Lay it out in the nearest highway and let cars run over it? Let the punishment continue as long as the fabric lasts, and then burn the pattern for good measure. Call me shallow, call me impatient, call me old-fashioned. Spanking is too good for this one.
You had no idea how good this post makes me feel. My Jolie has been on time-out for I think 3 years now. And sometimes I think about her, but just can’t bring her out of the knitting basket that she sits in the bottom of. And I never could quite give it up but…I think she’s getting frogged. Thanks — I needed that.
I have shared your pain… My “summer sweater” that I cast on June 21 and knit all summer. I flaked out during the waist shaping and didnt leave any rows between decreases (my only excuse being my ten-month old was still not sleeping through the night, so I didn’t have all of my mental faculties. I remember looking at the sweater and thinking “that’s ‘subtle’ shaping?! It looks like a corset!”). I ripped back and re-knit, only to miss a really important correction that I had seen posted online, but figured I wouldn’t have to worry about until the waist shaping (I did). Apparently, the cable was misplaced. Labour day, I had finished a summer’s worth of sweater knitting with a lovely ribbed belt to show for it.
I have finally finished knitting said sweater, btw, only 1 month after labour day… Plus two years.
Sideways?
Life is too short to be tortured by your knitting. Frog Pond! That lovely yarn should be something else.
Maybe you should reflect for a little while on that very gorgeous light blue shawl lace that was putting up resistance. It had it’s time out. It gained precious insights from the time out. And in the end it chose to behave. You’ve managed to educate that shawl, 3 daughters and god knows how many pieces of wayward knitting, I’m very confident you can educate this sweater. But have a glass of wine first and let it simmer in time out for a while. Once it snaps out of it’s ‘phase’ it’ll be gorgous, really.
Frog that sucker! The project photos don’t make me go WOW even if you weren’t having a wee bit of a problem with it. Honey, it will make your butt look big 🙂
NOPE! nope and nope again!!1 That project is destined for the ball winder and the yarn will exist as another project. I have too litlle time on this earth to put up with a rebellious pattern!!!
bjr
This is a beautiful blue yarn but it is not a happy yarn: it was second-hand Rose after you admitted that the green yarn was stinky. Like a teenage girl, if a yarn is unhappy, so must be everyone else. Buy it a drink, make it a pan of brownies. Good luck.
It shows tremendous restraint that you didn’t set it on the stove and turn all the burners on. Well done.
Oh, BUGGER. If you’re 42, I’m NOT 41. I thought I was a year older than you? Wait, I’m a year younger? I thought I traded you the 38 for the 37 cause I did 38 twice and you did 37 twice, right? Oh, stop me now…I do NOT suck a math. Just age. I always suck at age. 2010-1969 … 41. I’m still 41. How did you manage to get to be 42? You know what? I give up.
Blast and WRETCH!
You totally left me in stitches with this entry. And I can so totally relate, just I wouldn’t be able to write it so well as you. Thanks again for the laugh!
hee. off to the naughty corner.
i burst out laughing at “all the while reminding myself that knitting is relaxing and I like it.”
hee.
How does Stephanie manage to be so funny on a daily basis, and still have something left over for books?
Hey, am I the only person who just realized I have only about 2 months left for pre-Christmas knitting. Oh no!
All I can say is that if it were me (and believe me, it has been, SO many times), I wouldn’t feel better until I had bested the bugger. It will haunt you, and you know you can beat it now. When the mood is right, try again, and when you get it done, you will have a feeling of triumph that is so sweet!
Well damn! I think a time out is in deed in order. Sweater and knitter need to retreat to their respective corners.
LOVE your blog…first one I read everyday! But I want to know where you get the cute little sheep checker board? PLEASE PLEASE LET US KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
When I get crazy increase/decrease directions like the ones you’re talking about. I pull out a blank sheet of paper and draw rows of little boxes. The I choose symbols (a dot in the box for a front decrease, say, and a dot above the box for a side increase). Each box represents a row, and I put the appropriate symbols in/above each. Then I color in each box as I finish that row. It takes a bit of time, but makes me feel quite comfortable even when the decrease/increase instructions are quite Byzantine.
13 times I ripped out and restarted the Aran sweater that’s to be a Christmas gift for my son. At this point, I’m leaving all the errors until the end. Then… I’ll finish it and start the next Aran sweater for my other son and THAT will be perfect, right? I’m not currently making mistakes on the cables, oh no… I can’t do 2 inches of moss stitch without turning it into ripping. (I also think I’m in denial about the sleeve and I’m going to have to restart that. But right now I’m making my granddaughter a scarf, it’s cold out and she needs one.)
My 11yo is working on her first hat. And being a perfectionist about it. She proclaimed, “Mom, I’m not perfect like The Yarn Harlot!!!!” So I had to read her this post. It was just the reassurance she needed. Thank you for reminding her that it’s just yarn and it’s supposed to be fun. And even The Yarn Harlot makes a mess of her knitting from time to time! (btw, her hat is going fabulously now!)