How to drive a mother crazy

Begin with location. Choose your family home, which is normally your mum’s office several hours a day. Remember, this works best on people who are trying to earn a living while you are home.

Location selected, make sure that you are right in plain view, then choose a topic so mind-numbingly inane that there is no way that any mother with an IQ higher than a bagel could possibly stand the stupidity of it.

After that, remember the keys are repetition, volume and persistence.

Example :

Sam is trying to walk between the coffee table and the chesterfield, but Amanda, sitting on the chesterfield, has her feet on the coffee table – thus blocking Samantha’s way. A fight begins that lasts for 10 minutes and consists of the following:

*Sam – “Move your legs”

Amanda – “No. Step over”

Sam – “No. Move your legs.”

Amanda – “No. Step over”

Sam – “Why should I step over when you can move your legs?”

Amanda – “Why should I move my legs when you can step over?”

Repeat from * until your mother is provoked into screeching horrible things about the children in her office. Do not be satisfied with mere anger, watch for the throbbing vein in her forehead that signals that she is absolutely deranged. While she is screaming, look at her like only a crazy person would be bothered by bickering like this and frown at her like you are vaguely concerned about her well being. If she looks like she’s getting a grip, roll your eyes. When she finally collapses, clutching her laptop to her chest, whimpering about something to do with a deadline that she needs to meet to pay for “your sorry arse”…

….ask what’s for dinner.

Gifts for knitters? Why not.

Amy took a class with the goddess Lizbeth Upitis a while back, and she’s got an autographed copy of Latvian mittens that she’ll be sending to the generous tricoteuse Christina T.

Alice has a copy of “The Knitters handy guide to yarn requirements” that she’ll be mailing out to Becca U.

Dean has these beautiful handmade knitting needles


They are lovely. I really like the wee ones, I think they would make good hair pins as well as knitting needles. Indigo S. and Alia O. , tell us how you like them, will you?

Finally today, Ellen (who works in a bookstore, which I think could be the only job that might be as good as working in a yarn shop) donated two copies of the bookbookbook, which I’ll be happy to sign and mail on to Stephanie H. and Elizabeth B. and match with two more books, to go to Leanne C. and Wendy C.


Tomorrow, more presents, more fighting and…er. I don’t know what.

Maybe a little lie down.