Tease

Dear Blue Yarn that will be Jolie, 

It is with my sincerest apologies that I write to you today, not to tell you that I am a senior civil servant in Nigeria who needs your confidential help transferring my dead father’s millions out of my country, but to say that I’m really sorry I’ve been leading you on like I have.

I know I gave you every impression when we met that we were going to have a short, intense fling that quickly ended in a sweater together, and really I thought that was what was going to happen.  I know I cast you on really quickly and knit halfway up your back like it was a commitment and then wandered off like I don’t care, but I do. 

The truth is that as romantic as our time together is in the evenings, you’re a really dark yarn with a stitch pattern happening that I need to see to do, and – well.  No matter how hard I try I just can’t see you in the evenings.  I’m sure you noticed that I’ve been hanging out with socks at night, and it’s not that they’re better than you or sexier, or younger or anything like that, it’s just that they aren’t very demanding –  I still think a sweater can still work between us, but you have to admit that you’re pretty needy and  I need better lighting if I’m going to see you at all.   

Let’s do lunch.

110 thoughts on “Tease

  1. But dear Harlot, don’t tell my wife. And will there be excellent merlot when we meet at lunch? Will there be white tablecloths to reflect my best face to you?
    It will be our rendesvous secret.
    Wife? I never said wife.

  2. I just got an email from the United Nations, wanting to give me $650.500.00. I’ll share with you if you’ll share the money you get from Nigeria.

  3. Sure, I can wait. Spring 2011 good for you? In the meantime just ziplock me up with that big, warm Gansey & I’ll be just fine …..

  4. That is a gorgeous yarn and a gorgeous pattern. My suggestion is to buy an OTT light floor lamp and press on. That is obviously a winter sweater, and it will do no good to put it away until spring. I realize you are probably gearing up for the Xmas rush, but keep that one on the back burner. Pull it out and work on it a little from time to time.
    Most major fabric stores in the US have 40% off coupons available online and through the mail. Those lamps can be purchased with the coupon. Alternative: Ask Santa for one. I am sure you will get a lot of use out of the sweater AND out of the lamp.

  5. I now put a white piece of fabric in my lap when I knit with dark yarn. It’s amazing to see how the little pieces of white peek through the knitted fabric and help make the stitches visible on the needle. I started by using an old white t-shirt. Now I keep a pretty, lace-edged piece of white fabric in my knitting bag.

  6. The Blue Yarn is patient. The Blue Yarn is kind. The Blue Yarn will wait for you Stephanie – heart broken though it may be – it will wait and dream of the lovely autumn day when you can be together in the Park – or the Patio. It will sigh with soft resignation as it sees another sock come and go, but it will wait through the cruel soul stripping anguish until you return.
    Be well, Blue Yarn – your reward will come.

  7. Afternoon delight with Jolie. Well, how can a sock be sexier than that. I hope the yarns left for your October, November and December sock of the month club are not dark. I am guessing the patterns left are not plain.

  8. Piffle. We’ve seen the green room. Get the tools and build a bridge. One of those day/night light floorlamps. I’m sure they’ll trade for handspun.

  9. You just need an Ott Light! They’re wonderful for those of us who have trouble knitting at night!

  10. mmm, your infidelity is farther along than mine. I love that color, but understand the dilemma. My green is too dark to knit at night too, and morning until afternoon are what I reserve for lace.

  11. I love the light-colored fabric- on-the-lap idea! Boy, that and a good light over your shoulder and BADA-BING! Night-time knitting is GOOD!

  12. HA HA HAAAA! You need a knitting soundtrack, too. My current knitting soundtrack is “Hello?” by Lionel Ritchie.
    You know. Sit there with your promiscuous socks and stare across the room at the pile that will be a sweater and sing, “Hello? Is it me your looking for?” in your best Lionel voice. You’ll go crawling back eventually.

  13. So you mean you don’t wear a surgical light on a headband when you knit at night, or knit lace, or just feel like looking like dork?

  14. You, my dear, need a beam and read.
    http://www.amazon.com/Beam-Read-Classic-Hands-Light/dp/B000BHORNI
    I call it the dork light.Because I look like a dork when I wear it. Funnily enough it’s quite the conversation starter between the knitter and non-knitter. I’ve even been hit on a few times and the dork light was their way to chat me up.
    Also, the copy on the packaging is worth the price of the beam and read. There is hardly any situation that can not be improved according to the copy on the packaging.

  15. Hilarious! As far as the light goes, I totally understand. I’ve been taking advantage of our lovely warm fall weather to do my dark knitting on the back deck. I’d better get to cracking, it won’t be long for winter’s darkness to set in.

  16. Everytime you write about this sweater, I do a quick double take– and then I remember the pattern’s name. 🙂

  17. You are a hoot..
    Dear lace shawl: your pattern is too complicated to do unless I am in a quiet room, with good lighting. Please forgive me as I have moved on to less demanding company…..

  18. It’s been a while since I’ve seen on of your infamous “Dear John” letters. At least this one isn’t in the doghouse for improper conduct! “It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t frickin’ see you. In the dark.” 🙂

  19. You can regain your evening time together – buy an OttLite Full Spectrum lite. I have one in the studio and one in the living. They are not cheap, but won’t break the bank – you see the color in it’s full glory and your eyes will forever thank you extra rest they get from not having to strain to see.

  20. Getting an Otto lamp is the easy way out. But I believe, dear Stephanie, that YOU really want to carry on a relationship with more than one yarn at a time and are therefore avoiding the obvious. What say you about that?

  21. Honestly what did the yarn expect? I mean it agreed to a relationship with a woman known as the Yarn Harlot…. Surely it didn’t expect monogamy!

  22. Serendipity … read this post as “Romance (if I can get it)” started to play on my iPod. (Cover by The Nylons, another wonderful Canadian talent.)Oh yes!

  23. Oh! I got one of those nifty little swag lights at Sock Summit! You’ve just reminded me to dig it out and put it to use – thanks. 🙂

  24. Dear gansey,
    Haven’t heard from you in a while and I just wanted to check in and make sure you were alright. I miss your happy yarn and your quirky cabling. Please write soon.
    Patiently yours,
    Yarndork

  25. The sweater will be (like all your stuff) terrific, I’m sure. However, I have not been distracted from wanting to see After pictures of the stash room….

  26. I just save some of my knitting for perfect light. It makes it feel very special.
    Ho hum socks know they have to be knit in all sorts of light and feel quite ordinary.
    Silly me! I thought there was to be a post about painting, bookcases and organization.

  27. Ha! I’m with Kathy in KS.
    And I have a book light in my knitting bag- the perfect thing for knitting while passengering in a car, bus or train at night, or lighting up my knitting in a dark corner. And best of all- $10 at the bookstore!

  28. I got an e-mail today from someone I know saying that they were in London, got mugged and needed hotel money and could I wire it to them.
    Uh, saw her this morning dropping off kids at school. Her hotmail account was hijacked and this was sent to her entire address book.

  29. Dear Blue Yarn that will be Jolie,
    I’m willing to make the commitment to see this through so if you ever get tired of waiting, just give me a call – 217-555-1212.
    (p.s. Who’s the harlot now?)

  30. The makers of the Ott lights just came out with a clip on battery operated model. I got mine on sale $12US. Way better than any other clip on light and I think that I have tried most of them. Went back and got more to have in my other knitting bags. 🙂

  31. I with everyone else with the Ott light or any 3-way lamp with a daylight bulb in it for that matter. I do have a lamp that has 5 ‘fingers’ on it that spread out like an umbrella I sit under it to knit or quilt. When I put daylight bulbs in it, it sure helped a lot. Just get more AND better lighting, it might make finishing Joe’s gansey easier. LOL

  32. I so know what you are going through. Dark yarn is very difficult to work with when there is not adamant light. I do hope that you and the sweater are able to do luncheons together though. Please let us know how the lunches work out!

  33. What a cak! I recognise that pattern! Is it the jacket from Rowans vintage knits? Beautiful half jacket, half cardi. Oh, swooning with nostalgia. Made mine too big, and now feel like making another. Knit on girl, knit on…

  34. I understand. I just passed by a beautiful black tweed because I do my knitting at night and my eyes will go bonkers.

  35. I know just how you feel.
    I really, really, REALLY want a navy tweed cardigan sweater, but the only pattern I like for such a beast is reverse stockinet stitch. I want to do cables and other neat stuff, but it just won’t be VISIBLE!
    Navy (or black or other dark color) tweed is really the ultimate camoflage!
    Good luck with that!

  36. Ott lights are all well and good, but I can think of no better excuse for a 6 month vacation in the southern hemisphere. I think hear New Zealand calling?

  37. Here I compete for the light and comfy chair with a hulking, 5’10” teenage boy, but sometimes I get there first and have a great lamp there. But buying dark yarn makes me nervous, as I’m never sure the pattern will show as well as the one in the picture.
    Congratulations on your anniversary; you inspire me to look ahead and hope.

  38. Never mind all that. Let’s cut to the chase and find out exactly WHAT beautiful blue yarn you are forsaking THIS time? (As if withholding the identity of the brand will make us forget your two-timing ways.)

  39. The problem with getting a lamp is that you might have to go back to Ikea to get one and I, personally would pay extra to avoid Ikea. I can never find my way out of there…. On another note, the room is gorgeous! Really pretty. You did such a good job! I have, on occasion, initiated those projects and they don’t usually turn out so beautiful. Nice going…..

  40. As one who is in-between works…. The devil you say! Yarn Harlot, do you even realize the curse you put on the world? Winter/snow/dark will be coming right around the corner. The darkness cometh. Socks or sweaters – does not matter. Even I, of daylight knitting must now order an Ott lamp!
    b.

  41. I have a floor lamp that gives full spectrum light. Not only is it great to read/knit by, but the light is good for you if you suffer from SAD. My psychiatrist recommended that I get one of those “special” lights that cost mucho dinero, but I found mine at an online lamp shop for $135 USD. The doctor said that I should sit under the full light for at least 30 minutes every morning and I would see vast mood improvements. But I never have 30 minutes to spare in the mornings… It does help, on the few occasions I’ve been able to use it.

  42. tee hee hee. I remember a looong time ago you wrote to your knitting and this has never stopped making me smile from my heart. I realize that now I need pretty strong light on some color/texture combo yarns.

  43. Oh, to be at the point where I could consider socks, even your plain vanilla pattern, “not demanding”!!!
    Digging out a white tablecloth now for the dark sweater yarn I just bought ~ what a great idea! Thanks to those who suggested it.

  44. Looks like the light at Lettuce Knit on the Chesterfield is very good at lunch time. I could find a deli in the Kensington area and bring you a sandwich.

  45. It looks like the light at the new Lettuce Knit location is very good on the chesterfield. You might even see an Iowan there if you get there early. There might even be a sandwich nearby.
    Had my first Molson Canadian tonight in Hamilton. Yum.

  46. What about needles that light up? I’ve seen those in the knitting catalogs. They make me oooh and aaah, especially with being the same hemisphere as you (though I do believe Michigan is in quite a bit of a different time zone than you, you’re out by the Washington state side of Canada, right?) and knowing that evenings will be getting longer and longer and longer. I will say I just received my FIRST sock book and I am going to be picking up some sock yarn and dpn’s in the next couple of weeks to give them a go.

  47. Rani is right…you need a soundtrack. Mine is Eric Hutchinson and 30 Seconds to Mars. I need to rock out when I’m stitching away on my momma’s legwarmers.

  48. There’s a Law and Order UK ??? Wow – L and O reruns are becoming my favorites on rainy days.
    I don’t twitter but follow yours so had to reply here.

  49. Ott light definitely the way to go, but if that’s a bit too pricey right now, consider the Petzl headlamp available from your MEC store. Great for travel knitting too, and very very dorky!
    ~ Elly in NS

  50. Oh the bane of dark knits – EVENINGS! It’s cruel that daylight is so much better and that my eyes can’t see like they used to and the evenings come that much sooner. I’m having a lot of love-affair action with plain stst, these days. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

  51. You say the socks don’t mean anything, but isn’t there a box of them under your bed?! Hmmm

  52. I don’t usually leave comments because they are usually in the 100’s and I am pretty sure you can’t read them all (you seem like a woman with a life).
    But today I wanted to extoll the virtues of the Ott light for those dark yarns in the long winter darkness. Most wonderful invention.

  53. And to think Shetland sweaters were made in natural colors in the dead of winter… by fire light

  54. I finally finished a pair of dark brown socks for my father that were like this for me. I could only work in them in bright daylight. I think the fine gauge combined with a pattern in the dark color did my 40 yr old eyes in.

  55. Ahh but I found a work around for this particular little insult to ageing … IKEA has a lovely and very CHEAP and bright LED table top lamp, $9.99, here in U.S. On the back page of the newest catalog. You can see the darkest of yarns. – martha

  56. Dear Yarn Harlot,
    Amidst all this wit and cleverness, I have a serious question: I’m relatively new to sock knitting, and now that I can make a basic sock, I want to try cables and fair isle, etc. Please tell me what you do about wearing shoes with all the socks you make. It’s a total mystery to me how people manage shoes with all the various thicknesses of the enticing sock patterns. Shoes in the same style but in different sizes? Boots all the time? Socks only in the house, but never outside? I await your enlightenment before I start that pair of I’m-sure-going-to-be-thick Latvian darlings. Best always, SA

  57. Thanks for the laugh! I hate to think about the unfinished projects hurt feelings going on at my house.

  58. ….annnnnnd OTT lites go out of stock all across North America. It’s probably the first time the Harlot Effect has hit Joann Fabric & Crafts.

  59. I was just explaining to my BF about the trouble I have with being monogamous with yarn and projects.. That variety is a beautiful thing… for knitting… You are the harlot… the beautiful blue yarn will just have to learn to understand.. there are times and places for certain projects to grow and flourish.. He clearly needs bright afternoons.. or the Ott lamp that everyone else is talking about. I think I might have to get me one of those! thanks very much for the laugh!

  60. Dear Red Fulmar, I do love you and want to be cuddled up inside your warmth, but I have finally gone back to work and I am just too dead tired and beat to knit with you and NOT make huge mistakes that I would then have to rip out and re-knit. Please forgive me for neglecting you but Monday I am on 2nd shift so can knit before going to work, and maybe tomorrow I won’t come home so beat tired. I know you have been more than 2 years trying to be complete, and you are so close. I promise there will no other sweaters cast on until you are done, with all the ends worked in, sincerely Maggie

  61. Well, if it’s going to be “Jolie,” at least it knows it will have a happy end. I wish the yarn bon chance!

  62. But . . . but you promised! You promised you would be faithful and true to me. I can’t bear to be away from you. I lie waiting for your gentle touch, your stroke, your caress as you guide me through your fingers. You said there would be moments of bliss. But the evenings are lonely and I wait patiently in the hopes that you will come back to me. I put my trust in you, even when you gave up that horrid smelly green whore. I even looked the other way when you said you had a prior commitment you had to fulfill before devoting your time to me. So now I find that you can’t commit yourself to me, that I can only be a daytime friend.
    My soul is crushed.

  63. Hi,
    Very funny. I used needles that light up one long drive through the night to Las Vegas. My daughter said she’d drive if I stayed awake and talked to her, so I got these light up needles and it worked great. Finished hubby’s cabled cardigan before we got to the Greek cafe near the California/Nevada state line. The crazy Greek guy was almost better than Vegas. Trouble is, my little grandson thought the needles were the best thing since sliced bread so I never could find where he left them. Then, my husband decided they were the perfect thing to use fixing the vacuum cleaner with something stuck in the tube (light and long, pokey stick all in one!???) and broke one. Sigh.
    Julie

  64. I wouldn’t mind so much if you didn’t have to brag to The Blog about your cheating ways… Oh yes, I know all about the “self imposed sock club” you dally with right in front of me. I see you glance my way and than take the easy “portable” route with that overly variegated blue yarn you romanced in September. It was bad enough to play second fiddle to that ghastly sage diesel-smelling colorway over my classic navy. But then to be cast aside because I’m too dark. I thought love was color blind but it turns out I was wrong. I’ll wait, but I’ll be bitter until my fronts are cast on. Sob. Oh Stephanie, don’t leave me here, I need you. Don’t make me beg. Sniff. I’m free tomorrow for breakfast or lunch…

  65. hihihihi, that’s just what I needed on this monday morning (well, besides the many coffees, of course).
    Familiar problem btw. It’s also the reason why my husbands long promised black sweater isn’t happening very much. I blame the day job…..

  66. Not likely any Ott lites to be had for the next eight weeks, by this point. I have a modern take on the famous ’50’s bullet lamp, by my knitting corner. It has 3 compact fluorescent bulbs in it (15 watts each). And I found it at the big orange box store, for around $100. Plenty of light. Not a lot of cash.
    But, I must admit, a lunchtime assignation sounds thrilling, too.

  67. Dear Harlot, Welcome to my world. Dark yarn sucks the light right out of the room, especially during the winter months. I still love it, though. I knit most of my dark projects in the summer now. Also, I second (third, fourth?) the headlamp.

  68. I have been having this same sort of problem; I’m knitting KnitPicks fair isle cardigan and in some sections it’s impossible to discern which color is which in evening lamplight. My solution has been to clip an itty bitty book light to my collar.

  69. Although I love your new sweater to be, I am even more excited that you and I apparently have teh same spinning wheel!
    Ashford Traddy, circa 1970-something???
    (and yes, my fibre geek is showing that I noticed the wheel in the background of the pic, before I looked at the sweater closely!)

  70. Oh Steph, you really must answer the gentleman from Nigeria, you could retire, knit only with the most luxurious yarns. Really, someone, somewhere must fall for those e-mails other wise I wouldn’t get 20 month. Beth

  71. You really do have about the best sense of blog humor in cyberspace (and all the other ‘spaces’ as well) but your blog readers are pretty darn funny themselves. I laughed at your post and have been totally loving ALL the comments.

  72. I’m sure this doesn’t make you feel any better, but your post makes ME feel better! I always imagine you & other knit bloggers whipping out project after project without the above-described issues that I always seem to have. So comforting to know it hits the pros too. : )

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