A sporty harlot

Last night our local Harlot wandered down to the Air Canada Centre with her mate and 16 000 other people and knit her way through a game of Canada’s National Sport…Lacrosse. (Toronto vs Philadelphia…we won)
Your local harlot is not sporty. The only sport that she does is knitting, she plays by her own rules and takes her own risks. All attempts by this harlot to play sports have ended in disaster. She cannot catch a ball (no baseball) cannot skate quickly, backwards or with enthusiasm (no hockey) and thinks football is silly (which pretty much puts football right out too). Last night we learned that lacrosse is also not going to be her forte, since she cannot be beaten to death by men with sticks.
Lacrosse precedes hockey, and if you have an idea of how hockey works you are going to be ok with lacrosse. They run instead of skate, and don’t touch the ball with their hands, but instead use a stick with a net on the end to shoot and catch. The main difference is that lacrosse is so violent that it makes an NHL game look like preschool. If a guy has the ball, then it is absolutely ok, even expected (and certainly not against the rules) for all the other guys to bear down on him with their sticks and try to beat him with them until he gives it up. This is not a penalty unless they beat him in the head, or unless the ref feels that somewhere along the line they stopped trying to retrieve the ball and instead were just whupping him for fun.
I knit at the game and used my sharpest blood red DPNs to keep up team spirit.
After the game I taught our waitress how to knit and Joe asked me if now we were going to be yarn missionaries, spreading the word of yarn and converting the un-crafty. Start knocking on doors wearing suits with handknit scarves….skeins of yarn spilling out of my pockets. I’ve got two things to say to him (it took me a while to come up with a clever enough reply) 1. She asked me how to knit, it’s not like I’m accosting people. I just responded to a genuine question about knitting. The woman was called to the fiber arts…you think I should ignore that? and 2. Shut up.

11 thoughts on “A sporty harlot

  1. Men’s box and field lacrosse (two different sports incidentally) are quite rough, evidenced by the protective gear they wear. BUT, women’s field lacrosse is a lot gentler. The only protective gear we wear are mouthguards, and sometimes lightly padded gloves. It’s a non contact sport, meaning beating on each other with sticks is not allowed, and met with penalties if it does happen. I like watching women’s lacrosse more as it seems more sporting and less like an attempt to beat up the other team!
    I play field hockey and field lacrosse and actually get hurt more in field hockey!

  2. I love football, or at least the commentary. You can do so much with it. “They line up at the tea line” (do they use saucers with the cups?)(the old boy says that’s T-line but I like my spelling better) “The tight end ran up the middle” (you can do so much with that one) “it was a penetrating pass” WHOA!!! I have no ides what the game is about, and the old guy says I can spoil a good game quicker that anyone he knows.
    I used to play floor hockey on a women’s team. The men refused to play us because we were too rough.
    Off the topic, has anyone used Wildefoote sock yarn? I bought some as a souvenir of our holiday and have started knitting it. Is it crap or is that my imagination? Will it fill out when washed? The ball band says 7st. to an inch, I am knitting it at 8 and that still seems a little sloppy to me. I am at the heel of the first sock, and wondering if its worth the effort to finish? maybe I’m just spoiled after using Fleece Artist yarn?
    Thanks for any info you have.
    Lacrosse rocks. What a game for a nation that is known far and wide for our good manners!

  3. I’ve used it Barb, though it was years ago, and it could have changed. I found it quite “thin” even for a sockweight, but I liked the end product. If I recall correctly it bloomed a bit with washing and fluffed up a little. Good for dress socks.
    Maybe worth a little research at Wiseneedle.

  4. Yarn missionary wouldn’t be such a bad gig, if you think about it. I too am inept at all things sporty, I can’t even do a cartwheel. Pretty sock, what yarn please?

  5. Thanks Stephanie. I looked it up and it gets a whole whopping 1 and 1/2 dots. I have a feeling these are socks that are never getting finished. But especially thanks for the “wiseneedle” Never came across that site, and it is great. I just wasted….no, no….wisely used 1 hour of my time looking up stuff.

  6. Yarn missionaries – I’m in!!! Knitting our way to peace, love and creative fulfilment around the world…

  7. After I finished reading your blog to my husband, again, he laughed and said “I love her.” My husband already has a thing for Canadian women anyway – a certain Dani from Ontario being mostly at fault – and I don’t think you’re helping. Admittedly, I look forward to your blog each and every day. How fast can you knit a sock anyway? I fear I am stalled on the sock thing because I keep making mistakes and having to start over. That’s why I started my first sweater in chunky yarn on size 13 (US) needles. I have 12 inches of sweater and I’ve only been working on it for a day. Ok, I really need to not ramble on yoru blog so much. If you need more yarn missionaries, let me know – my mom said she wanted to start knitting again after all my talk about it.

  8. I love your response to DH. YES, yes you should be able to teach someone how to knit it they ask. I would never want to deny someone the joy of knitting. No, it’s not a religious movement (LOL) but it IS fun to “spread the word” so to speak. When all else fails, “shut up” pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it?

  9. I think “shut up” is the quintessential response when someone questions or criticizes your knitting evangelization.
    Way to go!

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