Call for desperate measures. After reading the comments yesterday I decided that The Claw and I were going to call it quits on knitting for 24 hours and see. After reading Liz’s comment about not being able to knit for six months The Claw and I made a doctors appointment. If I had to give up knitting for six months somebody would have to take me down with a sedative blow-dart like something out of Wild Kingdom.
It turns out that if I didn’t knit, I would clean my house more… last night when I ran out of things to vacuum and started prowling around the house contemplating reinstating my pack a day habit and possibly taking up heroin while repeatedly saying “I need something to do with my hands” (and big thanks to my charming husband for his suggestions….) It hit me. Crochet.
I know. I remember that I hate crochet and that I haven’t done it in years and that I think it’s stupid. I know. I remember that everything I make out of it looks wonky and cheap (and that probably has more to do with my ability to crochet rather than crochet itself) and that I have repeatedly, and in public called it “dumbass”. I know. I remember that in the nineties I had some kind of a crochet breakdown and crocheted hundreds of doilies. (I swear it…doilies…how weird is that?) I remember that I swore it off when I gave my mother her 43rd doily and she said “Darling….what the f**k am I going to do with this?” I know.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. My sister’s friend swears that for her birthday, my chic little sister would like this. It’s some Jessica Simpson fad thing. No, I don’t know who Jessica Simpson is, but my sister’s friend swears that she is culturally significant and thinks that I should try to pay attention to the world a little more. I don’t get it myself, but mine is not to question why, mine is just to give my sister something she will like. So, I raided the stash, found a hook and gave The Claw a crochet test drive. It turns out that The Claw has no problem with crochet (how bitter a twist of fate is that, I swear that you should at least be able to count on your own body parts to back you up) and here we have the beginnings of …whatever the hell it is.
You may mock me now.
Yarn Harlot
Oh Stephanie, my sincere sympathies. A KRI (knitting related injury) that can only be resolved by a combination of crochet and pop culture. Ouch, that hurts all over.
I know that I will be mocked endlessly, and yet I must be true to my heart. Jessica Simpson is one of those things that I hate to love…there I said it. There is probably a support group somewhere I can join.
As for the claw…as I was knitting last night my hand kept cramping up. It did feel better after I switched projects…but now I live in fear. I don’t even know how to crochet.
My boyfriend says I have an unhealthy obsession with all things Jessica Simpson. I think he may be right 🙂 I watch the show, have her CD, read any article I can find about her. And I want her book. It’s pathetic, I know–please don’t tell anyone 😉
Hope your hand, I mean, claw starts feeling better. (I’m the opposite. When I crochet, my wrist cracks, loudly. It doesn’t hurt, it just pops with every stitch. Rather irritating for anyone else in the room!)
I wont mock at all, if done right i.e. a shawl not say the massive-grandma-esque-couch-doillie-from-hell I think crochet can look quite nice, hey look what Xenobia Bailey can do with it, and I like that shawl but I refuse to make one as I’m trying to convince people I dont know who she of the horse teeth is either.
Perhaps you’ll become famous as the person who makes your sister’s shawls. There are worse things. Being followed around all day in your limo and while you shop. I thought all Simpsons were cartoon characters. Apparently not.
There but for the grace of the Claw… there will be no mocking here today. KRI can happen to any knitter.
I know who Jessica Simpson is, but I swear to whatever divinity will accept it, I have no idea why she’s famous. I mean, what did she do that made someone say “I know! People will watch her on TV!!”??
Yes, I know. I’m officially old now.
So sorry to learn about your claw. I’m not so sure about the shawl. Personally I find anything with all these holes in it rather chilling. A shawl should embrace you and keep you comfy and very warm – holes don’t do that.
Please take it easy with that claw the alternative sounds rather painful.
bea
My hand started cramping on me too — but I think my problem is not knitting, it’s blogging!! How ironic is that — knitting won’t give me carpal tunnel, but my knitting blog will!! I feel the same way about crochet!! but I do love that wrap!
Ha Ha!
I said Ha Ha!
Enough mocking…. I want to know what those things hanging off the bottom of that shawl are… it looks like a combination of a fringe that had a run in with the vaccuum, and some sort of macrame gone horrible wrong. Can’t wait to see how you recreate it.
Feel better!
Looking at the picture of Jessica Simpson wrapped in it again, it almost looks edible- is it made of pasta?
Am I seeing that thing right? Is it actually wrapped around a person’s waist like an apron?
Maybe it would be appealing (or at least tolerable) if made out of some outrageous sparkly yarn?
Hope the claw feels better soon.
She has a show? And a book? Who is she? I’m with Larry, I thought all famous Simpsons had yellow skin and three fingers.
Well….. I suspect it is better than reinstating the pack a day habit. At least it shouldn’t be too hard to quit again when the Claw eases up.
In any case, the shawl looks impressively identical. She had better like it!
God bedring (get better quickly)
Elizabeth in Norway
Well, kids, I happen to like crochet.
That is, crochet done with small hooks and fine yarn, say KOIGU PPPM, or embroidery floss, or Rowan Yorkshire Tweed 4-ply.
I happen to be quite good at it, and make very nice things.
Now, Steph, I know you famously detest crocheting, but give something pretty and fine a try, and you’ll feel better.
Maybe a li’l neck ruffle?
Oh, and as for the charming husband, use answer #2: “Shut up, Joe.”
Heroin or crochet. Hmmmm. Well, my clients tell me that heroin is pretty good. But they’re all in jail. Funny, that.
Perhaps crochet then. But the lesser of two evils is still evil. 😉
Oh dear. Sorry to hear that The Claw has invaded. I have experienced that myself a couple of times, but from crochet. Perhaps I should have attempted knitting at those times…
The socks you’re working on are lovely, but not lovely enough to risk injury. 🙂 Also, I like the wrap… that IS some odd fringe though. Funky. I like it.
Jessica Simpson is one of those people you watch on tv to go, “see, she’s beautiful and famous etc, but she’s dumber than a box of rocks!” Funny though, Hollywood sometimes says she’s dumb, and other times praises her for managing to make a career out of *appearing* dumb.
I too, though I CAN crochet, don’t, very often, because I don’t like what I can make form it as much as I like what I knit, and also I just enjoy knitting better,
BUT
there is an exception — besides the occasional shawl, and that is:
Retro Pineapple Doilies.
They are a hoot.
Hi, my name is Bonnita and I like to crochet….Hi Bonnita!
Is crocheting really that bad? I crochet first, before I learned to knit. I enjoy both. Happy knitting and crocheting!
Peace
I am staggered and stunned to learn that you think crocheting is dumbass. You never told me that. How did you manage to keep a straight face? I never would have been able to quit smoking if I hadn’t taken up bedspreads. Mind you, it took me ages to quit bedspreads… Hope you have a great March break coming. We’re heading south.