I am seriously excited. I’m just having the best time these last few days. (You know how that ends, don’t you? I’ve said it out loud and now there will be a plague of locusts in the basement by 3:30 this afternoon. ) Reasons why?
In my wildest dreams I had never imagined that you would all be so nice about the bookbookbook. The whole time I was writing it I kept imagining that there would be mocking and laughter and important people would tell me to go back to knitting and blogging and making muffins. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are all either really genuinely pleased about the book or possess the kindness to lie to me. Either way, you’re all sweet as pie. If I was the type to blow air kisses, I would.
It is snowing. It is level three snow, though it may be level 4 by the end of the day. Level three snow not only stays on the ground, but requires the use of tools to manage it. I am looking for the shovel. (How do you misplace a snow shovel? Seriously, I mean how many places could it be? Shovels are huge, it’s not like it could be stashed in the back of a drawer somewhere.) Level three snow also makes you feel less stupid about hauling a tree into your house, which is something I’m thinking about doing later. (Thus beginnith “The Tree Thing” between Joe and I. It’s already started. Yesterday when we were at Rona Joe suggested that we look at the trees. I glanced at them and knew all I need to know. They only had like….40 trees. That’s really not enough of a tree pool to choose from. Joe rolled his eyes. It starts with eye rolling. )
I finished the first Latvian Mitten.
You know, the one that I innocently posted a picture of without realizing that there was a HUGE HONKING MISTAKE in the pattern? Yeah. That one. I had even yanked back the “are you smokin reefer while you’re knitting” style decreases and corrected them when the first of the comments gingerly pointing out the HUGE HONKING MISTAKE started to roll in. Once I got over having my soul crushed, I decided to fix it. Since I had already hit my daily quota for how many little tiny Latvian stitches I can frog without feeling nausea and rage, I decided to take a different approach. I would ladder down each stitch to the error, correct each one with a crochet hook and….well. That was the whole plan.
This is what I looked like while executing the plan.
Nobody said it didn’t take a little “focus”. How I look brings me to…
I labour under the delusion that I have Sarah Jessica Parkers hair, and that I just need to find the right hairdresser to release it. (I also need to accept that Sarah Jessica Parker probably spends more than $20 on a haircut and $1.29 on shampoo as well as having a personal stylist hanging around..but it’s my delusion and I’ll do it my way.) The last time I went to get a haircut I went to the little old Greek lady around the corner. I said ” I want Sarah Jessica Parker hair”. The lady said “Who?”
“Sarah Jessica Parker” I insist…”she’s from Sex in the City.”
“WHAT!” the little old lady says….The sex thing might have put her over the edge. I sputter for a while and try to explain that I’m really not watching porn or anything and that it’s a good show, and really not as morally corrupt as it sounds and besides that I’m really just talking about the hair and….She interrupts me, waving my words away.
“You sit down” she says. “I make it nice.”
Needless to say, while my hair was “nice” (see above) it wasn’t Sarah Jessica Parker hair.
Saturday I went to an actual Salon. I noticed several things.
-the stylist didn’t try to give me bridesmaid hair.
-she pretended to think that I was in my 20’s (bless her little heart)
-she washed my hair with some shampoo that didn’t smell like watermelon (ours does)
-when I said I wanted SJP hair…she said, “Oh yeah.”
I love it. I bought mousse. When a hairstyle drives me to purchase product you know it’s good. I’d show you…but I didn’t put the mousse in yet. (Do you think it matters that the mousse was $1.29?)
I knit a pair of clogs as Latvian mitten antidote. It took me 4 hours. Seriously, 4 hours. Who can do that? I mean, admittedly it’s big needles and doubled yarn and I’ve knit the pattern a hundred times and I didn’t sew them up yet, but 4 hours? That shocked even me.
It may be that my superpower is clog knitting. I was really hoping for something like flying, creating peace or growing massive foodcrops to relieve world hunger (oh wait! invisibility would be good too) …but no. Clogs. This is almost as surprising as discovering that the most useful thing I learned in University was how to make a really killer Caesar.
Contest
Ken is in the process of using some sort of technical computer thing to randomly generate a name. The winner of the thrum kit will be notified by email later today, and I’ll post the winner tomorrow, when I will also try to work up the nerve to put up the 100 things list.
Gifts for knitters: Day 6
Get your favourite knitter some cool Knitty stuff. Loving this hoodie.
Wanting you to think very seriously about your knitter before buying this. Be careful.
Invisibility? You need something *besides* being able to knit that Latvian Mitten and the clogs in 4 hours? You’re asking a bit much, woman.
C’mon! Don’t make us wait to see the hair.
I think you should model it with the va-va-voom mango tank (don’t stand too close to the door to that half-a-room out back, though! brrr)
Sorry I just commented on your book a few seconds ago. It’s finals, I’m dead, what can I say other than “GOD HELP ME PLEASE.”
Yeah. So. Elementary function theory is not kicking by butt PER SE, but it’s not a walk in the park either.
ANyway. Yay book. Yay you! I want a signed copy. Totally. And despite the jokes you make about your hair, I think it’s great- Mine’s stick strait and has no body unless I torture it with blow dryers and more products than I really care to use. I love wavy and curly hair.
Bippy
There’s always this competition thing going on between me and Cassie as to who can leave the first comment. It helps when we’re both online chatting at the same time, and the red alert goes out because Cassie is constantly refreshing to see if you’ve posted, and she alerts me just AFTER she’s already posted. But the thing that bothers me the most is I wanted to be VERY VERY COOL and act like I have inside knowledge and say, “Hey, your hair looks exactly like Sarah Jessica Parker,” but then once again you dash my hopes of being really really cool and go and tell the whole world about your Sarah Jessica Parker hair, but you don’t give us photographic evidence of it. Phew. I’m tired. I better go lie down now.
What is level 4 snow?
Does it require the use of electrical or gas powered tools to manage it? Or is it more of a stay home from work/school and knit or make a snowman kind of snow?
I was always confused about what a “snow day” was, growing up in Alberta. We had days where we didn’t have to go outside for recess, but that was it.
Someday I will comment first.
Anyway, let’s see the hair! And more info on the bookbookbook! Come on!
Also, can we have an official “Harloteers” button or something?
Ah, that laddering-down expression is so, so well-known around here! (But hooray for the whole laddering-down concept, fiddly as it is.)
Good luck with the hair thing. My curse is that hairdressers adore my hair and it adores them back and thus they can do almost anything to it and it looks great — until I touch it about an hour later. Then the hair goes into a full-on, rebellious snit and will refuse to look good again until I bring it back to its beloved hairdresser about six months later.
You have just saved me much embarrassment…see, I can never find our snow shovel. Ever. Until, like, July, when I say ” how the hell did that end up here??” I feel so much better knowing I am not alone….
The hair thing: Ha!! I have the worlds thinnest, straightest, finest, dishwater-blech-blondest boring hair. I have ALWAYS wanted, fluffy, long wavy-curly hair and SJP has hit my hair radar more than once.
I’m saying, I Understand Stephanie, I Understand. 🙂
Ah, the “tree thing”! Every family has a ritual and, I believe, ritual arguments and eye-rolling. I was very sad last year when I realized that we could put the tree in my new car and did not have to tie it to the top. After MANY MANY years of fretting all the way home (1 mile) that the tree was definitely slipping and would fall off the roof, I now had nothing to say. At least the endless argument about whether the tree is straight or not can continue…
Stephanie,
Have you ever accidently washed a mouse in Mr. Washie? Just wondering….
After reading up on what a Caesar entails, I could really use a drink.
Must…see…hair.
I’m growing mine out, so I sympathize with all who struggle. Can you say “knit headband” or “cute little kitschy kercheif” for the next six months?
Gah! I can’t wait for the bookbookbook. Oh, March! Where are you?
I love the new, perfect Latvian mitten.! And clog-knitting is a fun superpower to have- I think being a superpowered clog knitter is better, even, than having SJP hair.
I also had semi-curly, sometimes wavy, always frizzy until it was liberated by Larry and DaVid (no, not David but DaVid). This liberation came at great expense to my checking account but WOW, it really was SJP hair:) I would eat cereal for a month before I would miss an appointment!
oh ye of little faith. of course we are all waiting impatiently for march to roll around so that we can read your revered word. why wouldn’t we?
my mantra for the week? must not start Latvian mitten, must not start Latvian mitten…
Yippeee! on the book. And thanks for the thumbnail. We clicked on it, printed it, and hung it on the wall in our office.
How many days until….. (what was that holiday again?) You ready?
See, and I was hoping for the superpowers of healing, mind-reading (since my husband thinks I already possess that one) or losing weight quickly but with complete health.
Now you’re saying the ability to knit a no-sew purse in three hours might count? Crap.
Or maybe it’s just four-hour clogs that’s a super-power, and that weight-loss thing might not be out of my reach…
Just think, this year someone could get you this:
http://www.cafepress.com/knitty.13448666
And it would actually be true.
Very cool.
Jackie
love the laddering picture — complete with throbbing forehead vein! a master at work …
Back away from the mousse! Trust me, $1.29 mouse will leave you with crunchy curls. Not a good thing. Being a poverty stricken graduate student I don’t splurge on much in the way of “beauty products,” but Aveda’s Be Curly is great stuff for taming the wild frizzies and you only need a little dab.
Clogs in 4 hours eh? Well, once again I prostrate myself for you. I knit for 2 hours yesterday and only got 3 inches of hat done. {sigh}
The mitten is gorgeous and I can’t wait for the bookbookbook… was there another book? I can’t remember! lol.
I too, have dreamt of have SJP hair, of shiney, healthy, bouncey hair. I have learnt to settle for sharon stone on acid short short short hair. No friz, no limp locks, no split ends, no hair really. Well it is easy to maintain.
Believe Kristin. Aveda’s Be Curly (and it smells wonderful, besides working best.)
But — and we’ve been through this, I know we have — ya gotta ditch that shampoo. Boogie, if not to your local independent, to the library and insist on a copy of Curly Girl by Lorraine Massey. It’s a life-changing experience. Swear.
I’ve been really wanting to make some clogs, though I’m guessing it’d take me about 4 weeks not 4 hours. LOVE the mitten! How’s the house hodling up to the level 3 almost 4 snow? Is the hole closed up yet? Maybe I shouldn’t bring up such a subject, things are going well 🙂
You know, too much perfection is not a good thing. I had to look long and hard to find the “misplaced stitches”… the Amish had a way of accepting imperfection in a quilt… they said it warded off bad spirits or some such.
SJP hair and knitting clogs in 4 hours. A goddess I tell you…a goddess.
We moved to California from New Hampshire, and our new neighbor sauntered over from across the street to introduce himself after the movers pulled away: “I noticed them taking out a snow shovel. What do you think you’re going to do with that HERE?”
Rent it out for a hundred bucks an hour if it ever snows in Palo Alto. If we can find the thing then.
Aw, c’mon. Just one little air kiss.
You need to practice, in time for being introduced at your book signings. The rest of us are practicing wild applause.
Just saying those things about your book which just may be a *lie* in order to be kind?
After this Baltic Mitts of Lust orgy you’ve set off in me? Which has resulted in ordering two sets of 0US and 1US metal Inox DPNS, purchasing a pair of Brittany 2US DPNs, while I troll the ‘net looking for the appropriate weight and color of yarn I’m going to use… should I mention the hours devoted to learning the most delicious braid patterns this weekend instead of feeding anyone, studying anything, etc? (Yeah, it was worth it!)
You really think I would lie to make you feel better?
I’ve said before, when the worlds of book love and knitting have cocktails and roll about in the hay, your book is the fantastic result of it! Not saying you were having cocktails or binges of naughtiness or anything… Really.
Another mystery solved! I remember my mom and grandparents spending plenty of happy hours consuming clamato juice and vodka Bloody Marys. Now I know they were actually Caesars – and this was in the 70’s in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida! Perhaps they had a Canadian neighbor….
Love the finished mitten.
At least you get to have a tree ritual. My mom bought us a fake tree a couple of years ago, so now we feel like we have to use the tacky little thing. I got to spend most of this morning wiring the bottom branches back on (kinda) because the plastic thing that was supposed to keep them there somehow got broken. And then I got to spend more time tying said tree to a stool so it’s a decent height, using holes drilled in the base and cheap acrylic yarn to match the stool. To top it all off, I had to get creative with some safety pins to hold the new (huge) tree skirt in place without looking too horrible.
We *will* be able to get signed copies of the book, right? I think they should’ve had it ready by Christmas, so knitters still on the “to buy for” list would be able to get that. Not that the suggestions aren’t good, I’m just sayin’.
I can TOTALLY see your SJP hair potential!!!! You *must* post a pic of your post-salon experience!
Good luck with the tree-my family got ours this past weekend. It only took 4 hours and 3 tree farms later. And the damn thing is still too big. And leans to the right. For the time being I can’t even sit in the living room because it pisses me off so badly. Oh well, only 19 more days to look at it.
I really can’t wait to see the hair, mousse and all.
SJP probably has her hair chemically treated to straighten it….according to the salon lady who gave me my very first hair straightening!!! No I didn’t use chemicals..I saw the price tag! After years of looking like Bernie from the old tv show…ROOM222…I now love my ceramic flat iron, and mousse! I no longer have to worry that the fuzzy factor will prevent me from fitting inside a car without the sun roof opened. Having daughters who are 17,19,and 23 also helps as they can straighten it faster than I can trying to reach around to the back of my head while I’m trying to knit. Many of their friends from school and college also use the ceramic irons as well. Now it’s just a matter of checking my daughters’ suitcases before they go on trips, to make sure they didn’t take mine! Hope this helps.
Besides, while you’re on the book tour…that book company should be pampering you with salon treatments and pedicures and massages before you greet your adoring public..making sure you’re at your best book signing condition! (I say…contractcontractcontract)
can’t wait to see you in the Disneyland area!!!
(disneylanddisneylanddisneyland-hey..it worked for bookbookbookbook!!!)
Well, ever since Mel called in the army that year for the snow ’emergency’ all of us non- and ex- Torontonians feel the need to mock all talk of snow problems from the mega-city. Sorry Stephanie, I just have to. Here in London we had just a dusting. And our snow removal plan is called Spring. Mind you, the freezing rain was a bugger and it might just get worse tonight. I’m sure that wasn’t a pretty sight on the 401/DVP in rush hours this morning – we had some fatal accidents around here today. But level 4 snow by tonight? Don’t think so.
We always seem to misplace the sleds, too.
4 hours for both? Hmmmm – that sounds suspicious. You did knit the 2nd soles for each one, and knitted them on, right?
Maybe doing them on straight needles makes it speedier? I have only done them on circulars so far. Mine took about 9 hours – completely finished.
I got all excited when you mentioned Ken, computer and prize in one sentence. I thought you were gifting USB hubs.
I guess not.
erm, you make muffins?
🙂
I *knew* you weren’t the type to go for Rachel hair! (Ever see that TV commercial with all the thousands of women converging in the square with the same hair – Rachel hair! It’s a plot, I tell ya.) SJP has a very sexy fountain-o-yout hubby, a kabillion dollars in Gap green, and style up the Jimmy Choos – good call.
Ya know, I can remember having famous hair all the way back to a brief dalliance with the “Farah”. I really was more of a “Dorothy Hamill” – who was I kidding.
I think before that people just had “hair”.
All snow is very pretty: as soon as it has fallen and before anyone drives in it.
After that it is all crap. Lucky me – today I picked up some friends on my drive back from Windsor and one of them was kind enough to drive so I could eat lunch in the car.
Why can’t people drive in a few inches of snow? Along the 401 & 407 I saw so many SUVs and itty bitty cars in the ditches it was pathetic.
If I haven’t posted about the bookbookbook – Congratulations. I can’t wait for the release date.
Love the mittens. I’m still making do with my stretchies from the Dollar Store.
I got home from work today and there was too much snow in my driveway to get up it… so I had to spend 20 min looking for the shovel. (next to the fertilizer in the garden shed. why?) And then spend 30 min shoveling the driveway in heels because I couldn’t find my winter boots. (in the crawlspace behind an empty paint can. why?) All this with the knowledge that it will be 8 degrees on Wednesday. I should just park in the street until then.
Congratulations on your book! I remember how it felt the first day Martin & I saw our book on amazon. It is a truly strange and wonderful sensation. I hope you sell billions, and become a billionaire clog knitter.
Hey, we had level 3 snow too! Not that it will stay around long, with the RAIN tonight–but I did have to shovel. And the kids managed a snowman.
I can never get my hair to look how they do it at the salon. Even if it’s just flipping it a few times with the curling iron–I am hair challenged. It’s a fortunate day when it all stays in the rubber band.
And BEAUTIFUL MITTEN! Love that green 🙂
Snow has LEVELS? I wish we had levels of snow. Then I could have neat mittens too. I feel decadent putting the hood on my sweater up.
Haven’t quite got through the archives yet, as I have just discovered the fun-slash-shameful secret of knitting , and thus the blog. But it’s hilarious and awesome. And I can’t handle the awesome mittens.
That’s funny you would be surprised that people were nice about the book! You are very fun to read – I’ve seen many other blog writers list yours as their most favorite to read. And you’re quite generous. There’s another blog I check in on, and she whines a bit about not being popular, but I’ve left comments and asked questions and received no response at all. Whereas, you sent me yarn bit, and I immediately ordered yarn from the company (and talked up your blog and how nice you were), and I’ve also sent you a little something back which I hope will arrive soon. So there. Sometimes people get what they deserve – I think you totally deserve niceness. 🙂
There was a mistake in the mitten?
I refuse to believe it. I didn’t see it.
And I can definitely see SJP potential in the hair. Unlike mine. Which only has the potential to do bad things to my blood pressure. Geh.
This is all your fault, really. I just got the Estonian Knitting book and have forsaken my family to learn a new cast on. Can you really learn it from a book? I was supposed to be cleaning house on this day off, but noooo I had to order that book and get sucked it. Hmmm. Thanks, Harlot
I must concur with Karin – I live in NWO (Northwestern Ontario) and today we got the same amount of snow that paralyzed Toronto once upon a time. HOWEVER I will allow the fact that I fishtailed going around a corner at <30 km/h. That’s because we had freezing rain a few days ago. Now we have 6 cm of snow, a 2cm ice layer, then another 12-15 cm of snow. And it’s still snowing! YAY! *imagine Kermit like excitedness with arms waving everywhere*
Can’t wait for the book to come out, I am very excited! Can we get it signed? 😉
So do you think that if each of us goes to amaz..com and puts your name in 2-3 times per day, they will list it as a pre-order faster than they would otherwise?
Congratulations. I’m impressed- but not the least bit suprised.
Laura in Alameda: Damn, I feel that pain and she’s a virtually shameless Yarn Harlot… it was only a matter of time before others were pulled into the Baltic Mitts of Lust orgy. Why fight it? I mean, Harlot *did* say we’d be assimilated sooner or later… although she didn’t mention we’d enjoy it so much. (Okay, I’m presuming a lot in that I think you’re digging the Estonian mitt cast on techniques as much as I am.)
Hey…are you making fun of those thongs? I just bought them for my DH!!! 😉
You are so talented. Your 1st Latvian mitten is gorgeous!!!
Well, la di dah. Clogger Queen. i haven’t done ANY knitting because I fell prey to the Window’s OS upgrade sickness. If your Ken with the superpowers has any idea where to find my @#$%’d file that has the old e-mail addresses (Netscape) I’d be much oblighed!
Oooh, crochet hook and Fair Isle. DO dedicated. Truly crafty.
At least you have a more than only-nominally-useful ability. My super ability is …. I can pick out a really great bunch of bananas. Seriously, I can pick out just about the best bunch of bananas in a grocery store.
Yea. I’d kill to have the whole clog-power-thing instead.
Oh, and congratulations on the book ^_^ Hopefully I’ll be able to pick up a copy come March (or whenever it’s supposed to be released here in the states).
Harlot you’ve outdone yourself with the bookbookbook!! I’m so excited I’m almost gonna pee. I’m in TO too ~ once I get my copIES can I get them autographed? Hurrah Book!
Level 3 snow and I didn’t shovel due to the fact I was told it was going to warm up and rain. Yeah right ~ freezing rain is more like it.
And the picture of the other side of the mit, and of the hair are where? Oh, and the locusts, too, please. At least they’ll all be frozen and easy to sweep up!
😉
Ooo, clogs! I know you’re the master. I’ve just started using this pattern. Nate has a pair, and now I do. I’ve been using Lamb’s Pride. I can’t tell you how much I love these slippers. I wear them constantly, and the mohair makes them all snuggly and soft.
They are so cool, that I’ve bought the kids’ pattern and a pile of girly colors, and intend to make cute, little mini versions for my monkeys for Christmas.
And, as usual, nice mitten!
Yay Clamato! I was just discussing that lovely nectar a couple of days ago with a friend. I can’t stand Bloody Marys, but Bloody Caesars? Yum!!
I always lose my snow shovel too, and wonder how something so big can be hiding. 🙂 Those are very cool clogs, you definitely have a most excellent superpower.
I think I’ll have to meet you – you write like I think! And, we should have a clog contest – I’m making yet another pair and I too suprised the hell out of myself by knitting one clog before my husband got out of bed last Saturday morning! And I want a signed copy of the book too! Thanks for the grins and chuckles today – I needed them.
I havent had internet access for a few days. Imagine how excited I was to come back and see all the posts I had to catch up with 🙂
The thong….ha ha! Who buys this stuff?! And if someone does…i hope it’s supposed to be funny…